Which parent is BU

[Twickerhun]

Who is unreasonable?
Both parents work long days and have long commutes and take it in turns to drop children off and pick them up from child care.

Parent A has a once a week commitment in the evenings (think coach for a local youth team). They were late leaving work tonight and got home only just before they had to leave again. They expected parent B to have dinner ready for them to eat and run but parent B has not cooked. Parent A had not actually asked parent B to get dinner ready.

Parent B was on children pick up. They had an hour between getting the kids from child care and parent A coming home. In that hour they got the kids changed, into the bath and to bed (children are 2 and 3) but the kids weren’t asleep yet and they didn’t make dinner for parent A as they sit with the kids until they are asleep.

Who is being unreasonable? Parent A for expecting dinner or parent b for not finding the time to make dinner?

Parent A is an adult and can get their own dinner.

Who usually makes the dinner the day of the evening commitment?

Knitted - it varies

A and B need a plan for nights like this. Easy stuff to go in the microwave

A shouldn’t have expected B to know they wanted dinner. What did B eat?

Couldn’t parent A just make a quick sandwich for the road? Do they need an elaborate cooked meal?

Parent A obviously, it’s not difficult to grab a sandwich

Parent A.

Parent A is BU. If s/he was late a quick call to ask if B could please have some food ready would have done it. And as Parent A is an adult, s/he could have made a quick pasta/fried egg/sandwich or picked up something along the way. Parent B is not a mind reader and took care of the kids.

It would have been nice for Parent A to have something ready for Parent B if they had to rush out again.

I’ve been both parents and therefore you are being both perfectly reasonable and massively unreasonable at the same time! (Our life was like this and it sucked so much - massively stressful and it made me ill - no clean socks ever and we ate badly and basically just snapped at each other for two years ) it’s not now though! It will get better!

Parent A needs to get a mac d for b & self on way back from activity!

Parent a. What would they have done if they were single without a maid to wait on them?

If they had asked parent b may have been able to put something in the oven to be ready when they got in but the priority goes to the children surely?

Unanimous. Parent A is a twat.

Parent A ibvu

Unless Parent A frequent uses telepathy to communicate their wishes, or Parent B is a mind reader, Parent A is unreasonable

Neither are being unreasonable but parent A shouldn’t have expected something without communicating this. Parent B had enough on their plate imo.
Why didn’t parent A pick up a takeaway or microwave meal type thing if they knew they’d be sort of time?
Also what @purpledaisy said. There needs to be a back up plan in place. What usually happens if both are home on time? Do they eat together before parent A leaves?

You are obviously Parent B right?

It’s a relatively new arrangement but usually the parent home first cooks.

Definitely microwave meals are needed next time - lesson learned!

Parent A. They are an adult, they can make toast/cereal/sandwich etc. to tide them over until they get home after the commitment.

If my DH bitched because I didn't have his dinner ready at a time that suited him, he'd be eating fresh air for the rest of the week

Yep I’m parent b.

It’s a relatively new arrangement but usually the parent home first cooks.

So A wasn’t totally out of order thinking dinner would have been made.

When you’re tired, hungry and in a rush, it’s not always easy to be as calm and sensible as normal.

Which one are you?

Cross posted with you.

Is it not rocket science to share the days home late between two parents so that this situation doesn't arise again?

Struggling to see where you think your other half could have magically produced the time to cook from. YABU.

If parent B put the children to bed and sits with them, then - regardless of parent A arriving home late - dinner wouldn't be ready until well after that time. So what would parent A normally do on youth-club night?