My husband has a secret friend (not so secret now) that I found out about by accident.
Would it bother you?
I saw a text on his phone from this female friend. Nothing bad just they were meeting for lunch. I brought it up there and then. I wasn't horrible or accusatory. (Just to point out before anyone does, I have no problem with him having friends, male or female! He has many and does meet up occasionally with both male and female friends. I also don't insist he tells me exactly who he spoke to. What bothers me is that he's kept her a secret and then lied about it).
My words to him were simply "oh, are you meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow?" When I saw the text. He got very defensive about it saying that yes he was, she's an old friend he's known for a long time and he had done nothing wrong, he can meet up with whoever he likes. Which is true! And I would never stop him.
He's never been like this with any other female friends.
The really strange thing happened when a few months later we decided to book a day off work to spend together. There was only one day available that I could take, asked DH if he was ok with it and booked it. A few days later I brought up this day off trying to plan what to do and he said he couldn't do that day because he thought he had business meeting. Got out his work phone and said this meeting was with this woman. I asked him if he would be able to rearrange the meeting for another day since she's a friend and as it was the only day I could have. There were too many people off for the next few weeks. WIBU to ask??
We had a massive argument about it because I didn't see how he couldn't even ask...if she had said no then I told him that's fair enough because his work is important. He told me her dad owned some huge company that he was trying to get work from for years and made me feel incredibly small and pathetic for even asking. (I googled it and their family don't own it at all! Complete lie!) I did tell him what I found and he just said that he owns another company but must have forgotten the name. Yes! He forgot the name of a company he has desperately been trying to get work from for years.
I don't think he's having an affair with her but probably more likely an emotional affair.
So my question is AIBU by being bothered by this? He just acted so strangely and defensively when I asked. I am very ashamed to say that I peeked at his phone after though! I don't know what came over me. It was a complete invasion of his privacy and I've never done it since. I know I was completely unreasonable doing that. He had texted her saying she was a good friend and how lucky he was to have her in his life. I haven't brought it up since and have no idea if he still meets up with her. I'm happy that he has her as a friend to talk to but I don't understand why he would never mention her. Am I being batshit crazy?!