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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want borrowed things back?

28 replies

Lentils · 30/07/2007 14:06

Lent some cookbooks to a friend. Been about two mos now. Asked a few days ago and she said she hadn't had time to look at them. But I now need them as ds has moved beyond purees. It's been long enough yes?

OP posts:
TranquilaManana · 30/07/2007 14:09

perfetly reasonable to phone and say in a completely unirritated tone, 'i need those books now - shame you didnt get to use them'
whats she gonna say? no?

casbie · 30/07/2007 14:09

yep - annoying that.

especially as i consider my books as the third love of my life , after hubby and children!

Original poster
Lentils · 30/07/2007 14:12

oh that's a good one Tranquila. I admit I'm a bit anal about books so I could see myself using an irritated tone!

OP posts:
themoon66 · 30/07/2007 14:13

People get confused between 'lend' and 'give' in my experience.

I lent DS's teacher all my precious Barcelona maps and info books two years ago. It cost me a fortune to replace them this week (we go to Barcelona in August).

Also, SiL borrowed my moses basket, all the bedding, plus baby clothes and maternity clothes (posh going out evening dresses etc) and that was 9 years ago... never seen em since.

[built up resentment emoticon]

TranquilaManana · 30/07/2007 14:13

im the same. get my knickers in a twist about nothing much

only when its someone else can i see how blinkin simple it would be to solve it with no agro/upset involved.

Original poster
Lentils · 30/07/2007 14:14

Themoon--Did you ask for them back?

OP posts:
TranquilaManana · 30/07/2007 14:14

im such a scatterbrain, i forget ive lent something till i want it again. by which time ive forgotten who i lent it to. doh.

TranquilaManana · 30/07/2007 14:17

i used to have a list pinned to a door with the items i was lending i cared about and who they went to - so i could call and ask for them back when i wanted them agin.

i think people honestly forget theyve got them. so i think is perfectly ok to call and aks for thewm back.

ive found things on my shelves i know i borrowed but theyve been there so long ive forgotten who from, so couldnt return them if i wanted to!

DontlookatmeIamborrrring · 30/07/2007 14:20

I've lost 2 pairs of roller blades (expensive ones) and numerous other things to people who never bothered to give them back

snowleopard · 30/07/2007 14:21

I have numerous things I have borrowed from people in the past. It's not that I sneakily try to keep them, I just forget and if people don't ask, they never get them back.

To make up for it though, I always forget when I've lent things to people as well.

However if someone asked for something back, they could have it straight away - totally unreasonable of your friend to resist giving them back. I would raise it when round there - say "Oh I really need those books back - I'll just get them".

mummymagic · 30/07/2007 14:21

I never lend anything without assuming I might never see it again (money inc) - its a good surprise if you do see it!

Mind you, in this instance, I'd just ask - 'ooh, can I have my cookbooks back now, ds has moved past the purees and i want to look at some recipes?' - as tranquila said, she'd be a bit odd to say no...

themoon66 · 30/07/2007 14:22

Lentils... yes I asked for them back many times... especially the Barcelona information. In fact, when I handed it over I even arranged a date when she would give it back.

TranquilaManana · 30/07/2007 15:14

cor, thats a bit off themoon

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 30/07/2007 15:23

I lent my neighbour about 12 DVD's to entertain her GC while they stay with her. It's been a week now and the kids are staying elsewhere - I have a horrible feeling I might not get all 12 returned, including my 3 extended LotR! [worried emoticon]

We need to be more assertive when lending thinsg ladies - either that ro stamp them like the library does!

TranquilaManana · 30/07/2007 16:27

LFPJ - you can get little stickers printed with your family name and address and/or phone number and 'stamp' things as they go out. would work well for DVD's etc!

i went to a kids party a few months ago, and they asked me to bring some CD's. i stuck little star stickers on all the discs so id know mine from the rest. ive been to a lot of parties.

TranquilaManana · 30/07/2007 16:28

but then, im anal and possessive about cd' s and books! (they are the only things id label)

Rach35 · 30/07/2007 16:36

A v clever friend of mine gave me some great advice years ago - never to lend anything that you are not prepared to give away and never see again. I have got to the point where I rarely lend anything anymore (oh yes I might be considered mean mean mean) but I always lend rubbish books (and keep all the nice ones for myself!!!)

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 30/07/2007 16:54

I've learned my lesson when it comes to name stickers. DD came home from pre-school on the last day of term with someone elses trainers. All her clothes are labeled but I did'nt think shoes would be a problem - I was wrong, they all have the same The pre-school gave me the mum's number and I have phoned twice and left a message - she has not responded. Probably because being a size bigger and somewhat cleaner she's quids in.....

Makes me feel resentful of asking her DD to my DD's b'day party - but it's not the childrens fault.

Rach35 · 30/07/2007 16:56

Pumpkin - make the party fancy dress - school uniform and then you can get them back!!!

bran · 30/07/2007 17:00

LFPJ, when you invite her DD to your DD's party pop staple a note about bringing the shoes with her onto the invite.

I'm rubbish at remembering to return things which I do find embarassing. I often have things in a bag by the door ready to return and forget to pick the bag up.

If I were in Lentil's position I think I would give a date that you will be picking the books up so that the borrower has time to go through them and copy out any recipes that she fancies.

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 30/07/2007 17:00

It's pre-school so no dress code as such, and they were DD's dora trainers. Only £12 in woolies I suppose, not a expensive Clarkes pair, but it's the principle of not returning my call. Esp when I made a point of saying they were a size smaller so hurting DD's feet and that they were her main play shoes.

She's now in a £4 pair from Tesco - luckily DD likes the pretty flowers on them!

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 30/07/2007 17:03

In Lentils position I would go ahead with TM's first suggestion.

And say somethingh along the lines of:

"can you bring them round (can I come and get them), only DS is getting fed up with puree and I want to see what ingredients to get when I go shopping this week (or tomorrow). No date requested but it is implied.

dal21 · 30/07/2007 17:14

Am I the only one who thinks you can ask outright? they are yours and you can ask for them back anytime. One of my friends has a few of my books and I will want them back shortly. No real concern of mine if she still needs them etc - I will simply ask for them back and she will give them back, no problem. Think TM's approach is spot on.

alicet · 30/07/2007 20:15

dal I too think you should ask outright. If you hint at it she may think you don't really need them which is why she is resisting. Can't honestly believe that if you ask outright and arrange a date to pick them up that she would refuse - if she did you would be well within your rights to get seriously p*ssed off with her!

kittywits · 30/07/2007 20:30

Rule: Don't EVER lend out anything that matters to you, ever.

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