AIBU to ask you to help me prepare for getting the dog put down

[AntHilda]

I have to go in with her. I'm scared, I find death hard to get my head around even though I have experienced others die in my lifetime so far. The dog is poorly and very old. She is partially blind, has cancer, arthritic and going deaf. The thing is her character and excitement is still there. She is in pain and she having accidents indoors now and I know it's her time.
What are others' experience of this, I don't know if I'm going to be a bit freaked out afterwards but I do want to be the one to hold her as she goes. Appointment is Friday, I'm so sad and frightened for her.

My friend had to do this recently. A brave and compassionate last act for your beloved dog.

Is there any way you could have the vet come to your house? For me that would be just a little easier.

Thinking of you.x

Ask the vet to come to your home. Costs a bit more but worth it. You are doing the right thing, stay strong and cry afterwards

I had to take my 19 year old girl in for the same reasons, I was bathing her daily, and we had to have two beds etc, as when we got home from work, she and her bed would be soaking. Then one night her back legs collapsed. I took her to the vets the following morning and they said it was time to let her go.

I went in with her, they put the mask on her, and she didn’t fight or anything, they gave her the injection, and a few minutes later he checked her heartbeat and it had stopped. It was not as traumatic as I imagined, it was peaceful. It broke my heart, but I knew she was no longer suffering. it’s hard I know.

Can you get the vet to come to yours instead? I did that with my last two dogs, and it felt so different to the time I had to take first dog in.

It happens very quickly, like a general anaesthetic. It'll be over in about thirty seconds, and they just slip away. There's no pain, or distress for them. Prepare yourself that there will be the death rattle when their lungs empty, that can be quite unnerving. But they honestly don't suffer.

Sending hugs. It's heartbreaking, but you know it's the right thing to do.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've done it many times (I've always rescued older dogs) and it's never ever easy.

It is, however, the kindest thing you can do.

For your dog, give them everything they could possibly want over the next few days - all their favourite food, favourite walks or trips out, favourite programme on TV, lots of cuddles.

For you, try and savour every single one of those minutes over the next few days. Take lots of pictures. Laugh when your dog something funny. Watch them when they're sleeping. Watch them plod around the garden. Remember really happy times. Talk to them about those happy times.

Definitely ask the vet to come to your house.

On Friday, please stay with your dog throughout the procedure however hard that might be - don't let their last moments be spent wondering where you are.

After it's happened, be kind to yourself. Whatever you want to do or where-ever you want to go, just do it. If you need someone with you, ask someone. If not, it's okay to be alone.

When the dog has gone, do whatever feels right for you. If you want to keep all your dog's stuff out for weeks/months, that's completely fine. If you want to put it away and deal with things later on, that's also fine. There is no right/wrong way to deal with things.

I, personally, always try to plan something for the day after a dog has been PTS so I can get out of the house and take my mind off it for a bit. It's horrible coming back to an empty house but I couldn't cope staying in all day. However, if you want to be at home that day then please do.

There's no right or wrong and, to some extent, you can't prepare for this stuff. See how you feel on Friday and do that.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

So sorry to hear this.

I echo the above; ask the vet to come to your house. It is a much more gentle experience than sobbing away in a waiting room. The vets we have had were always really kind and sensitive around this area. We were allowed to spend as much time as we needed before hand and afterwards and didn’t feel judged at all.

I'm so sorry, please go with her and stay until the end. The most selfless thing you can do as a pet owner is know when it's time to let go.

I second the suggestion about arranging something for the day after.

Another vote for finding a vet that will come to you. I would ask them to let themselves in, come in quietly and do the deed with minimum fuss whilst you sit and cuddle Ddog in their favourite spot. Much nicer for both of you for the last moments to be peaceful and at home if you can manage it

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's always a horribly difficult thing to go through but, as everyone will tell you, it is absolutely the right thing thing to do.

When it's happened to me, each time it's been a relief (knowing you did the right thing) and a peaceful and dignified death for my pet. The vets I've encountered have always been tremendously sensitive and gentle and have helped enormously. I hope your vet will do the same. Most practices these days will do things slowly - so, they'll probably give you a little time alone to say goodbye, and they proceed when both your dog and you are calm and 'ready'. The injection itself takes hold amazingly quickly in my experience, and it can be hard to believe they've gone. Be prepared for a final breath (it might seem briefly that your dog has exhaled - this is the air leaving the lungs. The vet will check for a heartbeat with a stethoscope to make sure your dog has passed. A lot of vets also give you some time together afterwards.

My advice would be to pay in advance, either over the phone beforehand or at the desk on the day. Think also about the arrangements you want made (if any) for pet cremation and also arrange that in advance. You can ring your vet to ask the options. It can be difficult to think about these things immediately following, and you don't want to be stood in a queue when you're upset.

Generally, I've found that I'm protected emotionally by the unreality of the situation - I have always felt slightly numb during the procedure itself and immediately prior. This is good because of course your dog will pick up on your own emotional upset and the last thing you can give them is a calm, peaceful and loving end. So - try to hold it together beforehand, and then be good to yourself and take whatever time you need to grieve/get it together afterwards. And do sort the practical elements beforehand if you can.

I had my last dog PTS at home, which was much better for me (and her), but I guess you've already discussed these options with your vet.

Courage and love to you, OP

@Annabk .. what you said .. so much kinder

Oh you poor thing. It's awful, & you are already facing up to it well -
I don't know if I'm going to be a bit freaked out afterwards but I do want to be the one to hold her as she goes.

Of course you want to be the one to hold her ... she will want that too.
And afterwards, when you are sad & maybe freaking out a little, the memory that you were with her, doing the right thing, will sustain you.

It is a chokingly sad experience ... did this 4 year ago for my beloved dog, & still tearing up thinking about it now. BUT - let yourself feel the sadness. With time, it gradually gets replaced by happier memories, & hurts less. For me, the residual pain is worth it, & I genuinely feel lucky to have had the decade we shared together - the poignant feelings that remain are simply the cost of all the joy he gave me.

You WILL cope because you are doing the right thing.
If it helps ... I can still conjure a really strong 'muscle memory' of the feeling of my dog's coat under my hands as I spend the last few hours sitting with him & stroking him. It is a big comfort.

Wishing you strength, & then the all happiness of good memories of a well-loved friend. xx

Don’t be scared for your dog. They literally go to sleep if my dog’s experience was anything to go by. It’s worse for you but your role will be to be calm and reassuring for your dog, keep rubbing her and telling her what a good dog she is, so that she feels calm, reassured and loved. I’m so glad I was able to do it for my dog and I’m so, so happy that I was with him throughout the whole process as I know exactly how it was for him. The vet was wonderful too and left me hand as much time as I wanted with my dog afterwards. It’s very sad for you but your dog will have no suffering and if you’re there, will have no fear either. You’ll be glad you were able to do it, when you look back in time-genuinely.

I'm so sorry OP.

I always say to DH that this is the day I'm absolutely dreading with our dog.

You're very strong, I struggle with the idea of being there but know that I'd want to for my boy.

I'm sure you've given her a fantastic life and that's all we can really do for our pets. Hold onto that

Oh yes, and absolutely discuss and sort the practical arrangements beforehand.

When I had one of my dogs PTS, the card machine stopped working and I didn't have cash on me. I had to go to the bank and get cash and then go back. All I wanted to do after the procedure was go home, drink gin and cry but I had to spend nearly an hour pissing around with admin bullshit. Since then, I've always done all the practical stuff in advance and it's so much easier.

I’m so sorry.
As others have said, the vet coming to your home makes it easier on both of you.
Big deep breaths, try to hide the fact that you are upset and keep your jolly voice going for her - that way she won’t be scared. Crying is for afterwards. It’s so hard but it’s the best thing you can do for her.
Hugs to you.

I echo the PP who say if you can get the vet to come to you, it's well worth the small extra cost. If it has to be at the surgery, can you take her favourite blanket, or a jumper or something that smells of you?

My two old girls were put to sleep, one in Nov 17, the other May 18. The first was at home so she was on her bed but when the vet started the injection she (D Dog) gave me such a reproachful look I felt so guilty . It seemed to take ages for the vet to say 'She's gone'. Second D Dog was PTS at my parents house (where I'm lucky enough to have both dogs buried), and very different. I was sat next to her on her bed, and just went very very quickly. Even the vet commented on how quick and peaceful it was.

The vet said to keep talking as hearing is the last sense to go (kinda difficult when you have tears and snot pouring down your face!) and the vets assistance was wonderful at handing me pieces of kitchen roll to mop up!!

I was tearful for a couple of hours and going back home was horrid but it was the right thing to do. I still get moments when I think one or both of them are near me so maybe they are!

Whatever you decide, yes its sad and you will cry but you have to think of your D Dog. xxxx

It's an horrific experience in all honesty,all the family were in tears when we had our 13 yr old dog put to sleep.All you can do is comfort yourself that they know they were loved and had a great life.Im really sorry.

You know, I used to tuck my boy in at night and pray he passed in his sleep to spare me the decision. (He was terminally ill)
As it happened, when the day came the decision was easy. He was in pain and I knew it.
I wrapped him in his favourite blanket and cuddled him until he went. He was cremated with his blanket and I was comforted he was still snuggled in it.

I was a wreck for days after, but the actual vets part felt right. I didn't believe people when they said I'd just know, but they were right.

Try to keep her routine the same, and try to relax so she won't be upset.

Spend as much time together as you can, lots of treats and cuddles. All the things she loves.

When the time comes to either take her to the vet or for the vet to come to you, be there with her, and stroke her throughout. They will tell you when she is gone.

The main thing is to be calm and not upset her, you can let all the feelings out afterwards. It might help to take photos that you can look at later. I have photos of my pets in their last few days and afterwards, and although I rarely look at them it is reassuring to know they are there. I took them because I had no previous ones or because I had taken them throughout their time with me so I could complete the story of their lives.

I am sorry you are going through this.

It'll be okay - it's a completely peaceful procedure. Most vets are lovely and really understand the heartbreak and tears from the owner. My vets are so nice that even if you offer to pay at the time, the receptionists say to come back in a few days.

I'm having a little weep now remembering our lovely dog and it's been over 2 years now - he was the best.

I had to do this at christmas and I found making the decision and knowing the time was right the hardest bit. I'll admit that very selfishly I left my boy too long -although he was still eating and wasn't in pain his legs weren't so good and he had got very thin.
Is there someone you can take with you? Be prepared for questions about cremation etc and have thought about what you want to do. If the vet comes to your house or car have something to put underneath your dog. It's easier when you know you are doing the right thing and they won't suffer anymore. I really feel for you.

We had to do this a few months ago and the vet and their assistant were so kind. I stayed till the end and it was very peaceful, my husband wishes he had stayed but he was too upset.

I just stroked him gently and told the vet what a good boy he was and how much he was loved. My vet sends an invoice so you don't have to deal with anything when you are stressed, I paid there and then so it was out of the way. Take care, you're doing the right thing.

So sorry about your dog, it’s the most heartbreaking thing we have to do for them.

My dog had to be put to sleep a few months ago, she had severe arthritis which was managed well with medication but that stopped working as well. She started to have more bad days than good and the bad days I could tell she was in pain and it wasn’t fair.

I called the vet to let them know we were coming, we went in between their normal opening times mid afternoon so no one else was there.
I took my other dog with me so she could say goodbye and I didn’t know if it would maybe help her pine less.

Went into normal room and they put a nice soft blanket on the ground for my dog to lie on, we all sat on the floor with her (vet and vet nurse too) she had some peanut butter and a couple of treats, we all gave her lots of pets and hugs then she got the injection.
Slipped away very peacefully and just looked like she was sleeping.

Killed me inside to have to do it but I knew it was the right thing to do as she just looked so relieved and peaceful.

💐

You have my sympathy OP. I have a phobia of death and dead things. I didn't go in when my first dog was PTS but OH did. I went in with my last two and it was very peaceful and not horrific at all. It is very sad of course but when they have reached the end it is a kindness.

My condolences OP. But please try not to be sad yourself until after she is gone. Dogs pick up on our emotions and if you are sad and frightened, she will be too.

And you don't want her final days/hours to feel that way!

Be happy every minute you have left with her, and after she's gone, you can cry. This can be your final act of love for her.