Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask you to help me prepare for getting the dog put down

94 replies

AntHilda · 17/07/2019 13:32

I have to go in with her. I'm scared, I find death hard to get my head around even though I have experienced others die in my lifetime so far. The dog is poorly and very old. She is partially blind, has cancer, arthritic and going deaf. The thing is her character and excitement is still there. She is in pain and she having accidents indoors now and I know it's her time.
What are others' experience of this, I don't know if I'm going to be a bit freaked out afterwards but I do want to be the one to hold her as she goes. Appointment is Friday, I'm so sad and frightened for her.

OP posts:
HariboLectar · 17/07/2019 15:19

(Not a thread to read at work).
No advise OP but I'm sorry you have to go through this.
"Goodbye is the most difficult part of having a dog"

teaandbiscuits89 · 17/07/2019 15:21

Whatever you do PLEASE dont leave the room, I've heard they look for you when you're gone. Please stay with her throughout and let her know shes been a good girl.

I'm so sorry, I dread that day with my wonderful dog. Take care of yourself.

BMW6 · 17/07/2019 15:35

I can promise you that it is totally painless and quick, just falling asleep. Please stay with her/him and stroke and talk to reassure.

Alsohuman · 17/07/2019 15:39

We had to do this last month. We held him and told him we loved him. He was gone very quickly and peacefully. It’s horribly painful, despite being the kindest thing. The emptiness when they’ve gone is the worst part. Be brave. You’re doing the right thing. 💐

Defender90 · 17/07/2019 15:40

Sending you love, we had to say goodbye to our 15 year old dog last year, the vet came to the house, and he slipped away in the home he knew - this was my DHs idea, I hadn't considered it at all.

Our 9 year old had to go the year before due to an agressive cancer, we took her to the vet, again, she went peacefully and it really is like they fall asleep.

ChocOrCheese · 17/07/2019 15:41

The prospect of doing it was far worse than the actuality. In both my cases I knew that there was no choice and it was for the good of the dog. The procedure was calm and peaceful and both left before the drugs were fully administered. Of course missing them afterwards is just dreadful, but the actual moment was OK. I do think you ought to be there at the end, though, rather than leaving the vet to do it. My other half was determined not to be present, but in the end he changed his mind and was very glad he had the strength to do so. I think it is important for a faithful friend to have you there at that time. Hugs to you at such an awfully hard and sad time.

Iamnotagoddess · 17/07/2019 15:57

I have a bit of a phobia of death and dead things.

Last year when I had my cat put down O surprised myself in wanting to stay with her and even hugged and kissed her after she was died.

It was very peaceful and was the kindest thing to do for her.

TwoPupsandaHamster · 17/07/2019 16:26

Nobody would choose to watch their beloved pet be pts. All the dogs I've ever owned would put me before themselves. I have held and comforted each one as they left this world. It's the least I could have done for them.

It's not scary. Yes you feel a mixture of emotions (fear, dread, guilt, sorrow) but in your heart you know it's the right thing. Nobody wants to watch their pet suffering or in pain (or even the indignity of not being able to leave it's basket to toilet).

It's not easy but we owe it to our pets to be with them to comfort them. It would break my heart to think my dog was fretting, scared, worried, about being alone in a strange place and looking for me in the minutes before s/he left this world.

You are allowed to cry afterwards. Nobody will judge you for that. Stay strong OP. Your best friend needs you

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 17/07/2019 16:43

We had ddog pts at home because smell was the one sense he hadn't lost and I wanted him to know he was at home and relax.

It is hard and upsetting BUT you know you're doing the right thing, and that helps massively.

Do you know your vet? We knew ours and he was ever so kind. He waited until we were ready, sat on the floor with us after the injection had been given and stayed a little while after.

Once that was done, the sadness hit and I don't think you can really prepare for that, but it wasn't a scary process. Honestly, let the vet guide you because they want your dog calm and relaxed too.

If you're the type of person who would do better with a distraction, arrange one (dsis booked cinema tickets for the evening her dog was pts).
I made sure DH & I had a quiet, calm evening at home, but it really depends on you and what you'll need

I'm so sorry you have to go through this Thanks

Bamaluz · 17/07/2019 18:07

We took some ham to distract my lovely dog at the end, he died very peacefully still eating.

When we left him it was as though he was just asleep on a blanket on the floor.

The vet and nurse were very caring and considerate. We were sobbing obviously but they gave us a hug and as much time as we needed.

Original poster
AntHilda · 17/07/2019 18:08

Thank you so much to every person who has offered advice here. I've read each post very carefully and tried to wrap my head around it all, it is going to be very real in a couple if days. I am going to enquire about prices to be put to sleep at home as yes, I feel this is kinder for her although money is extremely tight at the moment. I also like the suggestion of giving her something that has my scent on it and having her cremated with the item. I think I'll wear an old pj top to bed the night before and take that. This is so hard but yes, I want to be there telling her how much she means to me and how much she will always be loved. She is a beauty, especially her eyes, she's a mongrel, 17 years old and has been an amazing dog with the biggest heart. Thank you all Flowers

OP posts:
AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 17/07/2019 18:15

I've no advice as I've never had to go through this (yet). Just wanted to say my thoughts will be with you and your lovely pooch on Friday Flowers

ItsBloodyFreezingg · 17/07/2019 18:17

Oh OP, I'm welling up reading your post. Flowers

It's the one thing I hate about having pets, we know our time with them is limited. All we can do is make their lives enjoyable and love them as best we can.

Your girl is lucky to have you OP.

Dowser · 17/07/2019 18:20

Awww I’m so sorry
Very, very difficult 😥

Dowser · 17/07/2019 18:22

Gosh I’m nearly crying too
I just can’t bear the thought of this with animals
It’s why we can’t have a pet

Original poster
AntHilda · 17/07/2019 18:23

Thank you @AintNobodyHereButUsChickens. And @ItsBloodyFreezzing, it is me who has been lucky to have her, she has brought so so much unconditional love into my life x

OP posts:
ItsBloodyFreezingg · 17/07/2019 18:27

she has brought so so much unconditional love into my life

Yes, they are the best at unconditional love! I'm in awe of the loyalty and love of dogs really. Beautiful little souls x

LakieLady · 17/07/2019 18:27

So sorry, OP.

Will someone be able to can go with you? DP was marvellous when we had to have our first lakeland pts, he held me while I held the dog.

This may sound callous, but I had been dreading it for so long that I actually felt relieved. Didn't stop me crying for hours though.

As a wise friend says, it's the last kind thing you can do for them. And make sure to remind yourself of all the good times.

Grinchly · 17/07/2019 18:33

I am so very sorry. The prospect was worse than the actual event, as she kept declining and then improving again over some months.

My vet is magnificent - one of the kindest people I have ever met- and came to the house with a vet nurse. My lovely 18 year old heart dog. It was very peaceful but utterly heartbreaking. She died in my arms, and then was wrapped up in a furry blanket and taken away.

Crying now and it's been over two years. But it was the right thing.it was time.

I really feel for you OP. ThanksThanksThanks

pontiouspilates · 17/07/2019 18:36

It's a very peaceful ending. We had our gorgeous boy PTS in March, at the vets and in DHs arms. It was over in seconds and we were given some time with him afterwards. It's heartbreaking, but the actual end was not distressing.

Schuyler · 17/07/2019 18:40

I recently had my precious doggy boy put to sleep. I had him PTS at home and I’m glad I did. I held him in my arms and rocked him and kissed him and he was so peaceful. He already had a cannula in his leg as he’d been going backwards and forwards to the vet for treatment. The vet administered a sedative, we had more cuddles and then she administered the drug which they said is just an overdose of a general anaesthetic so they go to sleep like that. He didn’t seem to notice and even gave the vet a lick as she administered the sedative! They may release the bladder and bowel after they’ve gone but I admit, I didn’t notice but my dog was small. I’m crying as I type because I know it hurts but I also know it’s right.

My vet said it’s better a week too soon than a day too late and that it’s the final act of kindness. Both things helped me immensely.

Putting my dog to sleep was one of the most painful things I witnessed but also it was beautiful. I know it sounds strange but his last day was so perfect and happy. His treatment meant we had a few hours at home where he was my dog again and I enjoyed him. It was beautiful because it was right for him and it was such a peaceful slipping away.

My dog was collected by the crematorium straight away and I wrapped him in a blanket that he’d always loved.

Some people said you shouldn’t watch as someone takes your beloved pet out of your home for the last time but I did and I’m glad I did. I went with as he was taken to the crematorium’s vehicle. I was with him when I brought him home as a pup and I knew I had to see him go as an old man.

You’re a good, loving, kind and caring owner. You can do this and you will grieve. I have cried like I’ve never cried before and I feel immense grief and loss but when you know you’ve done right by them, somehow it makes it easier. It feels horrible for us, as owners, but we’ve given them a dignified end.

Be kind to yourself. Flowers

Likethebattle · 17/07/2019 18:46

Always better one day sooner than a day too late. Please don’t let her suffer, it’s heartbreaking but she has brought so much to your life and this little creature will always be part of your family. She is an amazing soul.

Strongecoffeeismydrug · 17/07/2019 19:56

A few months ago I was in the same boat 😢
Appointment booked and I was doing everything he loved with him for days before ( belly tickles and snuggles).
I fed him all his favourite foods and generally made him the centre of attention but I was dreading it I was heartbroken.
As it was 2 days before the appointment he plodded to his bed at nighttime as usual,got himself comfy and snored like hell as usual.
I went to bed but couldn't sleep properly as I was so scared of the appointment.
I got up in the night to make a warm drink and checked in on him as normal and he had passed away naturally.
He wasn't in pain as he never made a sound and was still in his usual comfy sleep position 😍.
I like to think he knew mummy couldn't say goodbye so he went his own way to save my heart .

CraftyGin · 17/07/2019 20:01

I think you just have to suck it up. You will be in bits on the day but will also acknowledge it is for the best.

Our dog made the one way trip to the vet about six weeks ago. I made DH man up and take her (I did the cat). He was more visibly upset than when his DF passed away a year earlier. It is such a relief that she has gone and no longer living a poor quality life.

mussolini9 · 17/07/2019 21:04

I echo the PP who say if you can get the vet to come to you, it's well worth the small extra cost

Me too. It's not only far better for the dog, it's much better for you too, OP. And - 17 years! wow! - you have clearly looked after your old girl superbly.

Also echoing PP saying allow yourself to cry your eyes out afterwards. For as many weeks as it takes. And I really meant what I posted above - after time, the sadness isn't painful, it becomes more ... wistful & grateful, if that makes sense.

Enjoy your last few days & keep getting your paws on her for some good extra tactile memories to treasure. xx