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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed by this??

62 replies

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 15:21

From the beginning we have asked people NOT to kiss our daughter and at first people complied, some with resistance telling us “she needs to build an immune system you will make her ill if you don’t let people kiss her!” Obviously we know this not to be true and it’s best not to let anyone kiss your child no matter who they are to them! Anyway over the weeks people have slowly started to ignore what we have been telling them and have started kissing her as they please! Obviously I’m very annoyed by this as they are just completely disregarding what we told them. So again today we mentioned it to both sides of the family, my family was absolutely fine with it no questions asked however my MIL objected saying she feels as though we are targeting her and that she is HER granddaughter and she wants to kiss her! She said we are making her feel as though she is disgusting and will infect our child. I’m just shocked by her response as in no way are we targeting her.. we’ve mentioned it to BOTH sides of the family not just her.. and it seems as though she just has complete disregard for our wishes and our baby’s health.. AIBU to be annoyed by this? And more importantly AIBU to ask people not to kiss her? Her sly remarks and comments over the weeks are making me feel like I’m doing the worst thing possible for my daughter and as though I am being silly.

OP posts:
WonkoTheSane42 · 16/07/2019 15:25

Yeah, God forbid your child’s family might want to express their love for her in a completely normal way that has been part of human civilisation for millennia.

Your kid won’t die if her granny gives her a kiss. Get a grip and get over yourself.

Mintjulia · 16/07/2019 15:26

It depends how old she is and what you mean by kissing.

If your MIL is talking about dropping a quick kiss on the top of her head as she passes, that’s fine, just an expression of affection.

But mouth to mouth on a baby, yeuuuch!

Cheeserton · 16/07/2019 15:27

Er, what? Is this a thing? I understand not wanting random strangers kissing the baby, but close family can't? So long as they're healthy (i.e. not covered in cold sores for example or with a cold) then seriously, relax.

ReturnofSaturn · 16/07/2019 15:27

For gods sake, get a grip OP.
Some people have real worries.

Pipandmum · 16/07/2019 15:28

I don’t recall people want to kiss my babies particularly. But I wouldn’t have had a problem with it.

Monsterinmypocket · 16/07/2019 15:28

Why do you have do you have an issue with it? I'm confused. It's just showing affection surely? Is it worth offending the family over?

OpenYourEyes · 16/07/2019 15:28

I don't know why people are so weird about babies these days. It is a very rare occurance when a kiss on a babies head does any had..

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 15:29

I should probably mention the main reason we have asked people to do this is because multiple people in the family have cold sores and we have heard of horror stories of babies becoming really ill from catching them at such a young age! And rather than make people feel targeted by telling certain family members they can’t kiss her, we have said no one should.. we’re first time parents and just following advice from our health care providers. Thanks for your responses guys :)

OP posts:
SummerInTheVillage · 16/07/2019 15:30

FFS. Really, OP, calm down. Let the family love your child and stop being so possessive and neurotic.

SummerInTheVillage · 16/07/2019 15:31

Nice drip feed there, OP.

Tell the ones with cold sores not to kiss the baby. Job done.

Polly7805 · 16/07/2019 15:32

About to have a baby and I've heard about this too. It really worries me after I saw the post on Facebook about the baby that died. The mum said drs had warned them not to kiss the baby!

Honestly, she is your precious little human. Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong. Do what's best for you and your family.

I'm sure nothing will happen but isn't it better to be safe than sorry!

Halloumimuffin · 16/07/2019 15:32

Ok so you started out saying 'it's best not to let anyone kiss your child no matter who they are' which is obviously rubbish...

Now it's concern for the previously unmentioned but apparently epidemic and permanent coldsores in your family?

Monsterinmypocket · 16/07/2019 15:32

In that case, if they have cold sores or are ill then YANBU. Cold sores can cause serious complications in babies and they should listen to this, but if they are healthy then I don't see what the issue is, but I can understand a blanket rule of theres a lot if family members who are infectious.

jollyhollyhocks · 16/07/2019 15:33

What everyone else said. You are being totally and utterly ridiculous. Wtf??!!! What heathcare provider has said not to let anyone kiss your baby? How offensive to your poor families.

ThorosOfMyr · 16/07/2019 15:34

Yes sorry. You need to get a grip. Of course a kiss from a family member is fine! If they have an active cold sore ask them not to. But a blanket don't kiss rule is, quite frankly, ridiculous. Wait until the baby is moving and eating stuff from the floor. Or soil from the pot plant . Guess what, my kids have been kissed and cuddled as newborns. They're a bloody healthy 11 and 9 years old now.

Piffle11 · 16/07/2019 15:35

If it's because of cold sores then I don't really blame you. I caught the cold sore virus from one/both of my parents when I was very young: the sores I got as a child and up to mid teens were much worse than the ones I get now: they were huge - I mean like a really bad trout pout. Sometimes I couldn't talk properly. They were really painful, and so embarrassing. My parents started kissing my DC on the lips when DC were very young and I asked them to stop and told them why. MIL never really kissed the children on their faces, but her DH would take my baby's hand and put the whole thing in his mouth! At an age where DS could move his hands, wiping it over his face … yuk!!

ThorosOfMyr · 16/07/2019 15:36

I saw the post on Facebook about the baby that died. The mum said drs had warned them not to kiss the baby!

NEWSFLASH: most 'info' on Facebook is a total load of crap.

Piffle11 · 16/07/2019 15:36

And can I add, of course my parents didn't kiss me when they had a cold sore, but it's the bit before they appear that you need to look out for (and usually undetectable until it appears). So I would definitely agree no kissing around the mouth.

Chloemol · 16/07/2019 15:39

You are being unfair to those without cold sores, just speak to the members who’ve have them and explain, and let everyone else kiss on the head if they want. There is to much mollycoddling now

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 15:41

Kissing on the head is fine in my opinion, it’s on the lips we aren’t comfortable with.. she hasn’t even had her first vaccinations yet, after that we feel it’s fine (for the people who don’t have cold sores) and for the people who do have cold sores.. I don’t feel comfortable with them kissing her while she’s so young yet even when they don’t have a cold sore as just before an outbreak they are contagious too

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 16/07/2019 15:44

That's a massive drip feed!! But I do understand why you don't want cold sore owners kissing your baby, yes they can make newborns very unwell, but, you've gone about it in an awful way. Surely you'll offend less people by asking those with an active sore to avoid kissing rather than pissing everyone off!

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 15:47

Sorry for the drip feeding haha! Yeah at first we asked solely for the people with cold sores not to kiss her but then we got made to feel bad for it as we were told we were targeting people and making them feel diseased 🙄

OP posts:
NothingBreaksLikesAHeart · 16/07/2019 15:47

You are totally within your rights to say who can and cant kiss your child! And it is perfectly reasonable to want to protect them from herpes, the blanket ban makes complete sense. Your MIL does not have a right to kiss your baby if you dont want her to

Vibiano · 16/07/2019 15:48

So should people who have ever had a coldsore never kiss a child?

Vibiano · 16/07/2019 15:49

That's not meant to be snarky, I'm really asking.

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