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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed by this??

62 replies

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 15:21

From the beginning we have asked people NOT to kiss our daughter and at first people complied, some with resistance telling us “she needs to build an immune system you will make her ill if you don’t let people kiss her!” Obviously we know this not to be true and it’s best not to let anyone kiss your child no matter who they are to them! Anyway over the weeks people have slowly started to ignore what we have been telling them and have started kissing her as they please! Obviously I’m very annoyed by this as they are just completely disregarding what we told them. So again today we mentioned it to both sides of the family, my family was absolutely fine with it no questions asked however my MIL objected saying she feels as though we are targeting her and that she is HER granddaughter and she wants to kiss her! She said we are making her feel as though she is disgusting and will infect our child. I’m just shocked by her response as in no way are we targeting her.. we’ve mentioned it to BOTH sides of the family not just her.. and it seems as though she just has complete disregard for our wishes and our baby’s health.. AIBU to be annoyed by this? And more importantly AIBU to ask people not to kiss her? Her sly remarks and comments over the weeks are making me feel like I’m doing the worst thing possible for my daughter and as though I am being silly.

OP posts:
MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 16/07/2019 16:39

I can't imagine why anyone would want to put a baby's hand in their mouth! Yuck - imagine where that hand might have been and the germs on it! No thanks!

bikerclaire · 16/07/2019 16:48

I'd say to tell your MIL about that story of the poor baby dying, because someone kissed them when they had a cold sore, so that she can realise what the risks really might be. Even if she doesn't seem to take it in, she'll very probably mull it over and readjust. If anyone objects tell them it's Dr's advice and that kissing a baby with a cold sore can be really dangerous. Give them the reason why and I'm sure they couldn't still object.

Pinktinker · 16/07/2019 16:49

Your baby has a loving family? Shock What an unfortunate life!

Myriade · 16/07/2019 16:52

Your blanket treatment of people backfiring because people, like your MIL, who have no reason to be told NO to kissing are feeling put out. And with very good reasons. It’s NOT a good way to approach the issue.
It’s also NOT a good way to approach if your issue is about a kiss in the lip rather than the head/cheeks.

Your explanation about the risk of infection doesn’t make sense for most people and nor does the waiting for the first immunisations because that vaccines isn’t going to protect your dc from anything that people might potentially give her.

pancaketits · 16/07/2019 16:52

Completely understand where you're coming from OP. Certainly no kisses on the face, especially from people with cold sores.

Myriade · 16/07/2019 16:53

btw YABU because if the way you are going at it.
Just tell people about the cold sores and the danger of it to a baby. And say NO to those people.
Easy, simple and you nit get to upset the 95% of people who don’t ave cold sore and would like nothing more than to show their love to your baby.

owlalwaysloveyou · 16/07/2019 16:57

Even before you mentioned cold sores I knew what you meant, I thought this was common knowledge now! Even if someone doesnt appear to be infectious they can be. Even if someone insists they never had the virus they can be a carrier. And to immunocompromised individuals such as small children the herpes virus can be deadly.
Whether you first seen it on social media or not doesnt make it less true. Have you explained why you are concerned to mil? As from reading some of these comments plenty of people have no knowledge of the dangers or think they are exaggerated.
Either way DC is not her DC so not her decision. A granny wanting to kiss grandchild is not more important than the child's health or parent's choices.

Lottle · 16/07/2019 17:01

I totally get it. I only really like DH and me kissing our son. Don't mind grandparents too much. Hate anyone else doing it. I don't like strangers touching his hand or cheek eg in supermarket either. I'd never kiss someone else's baby. YANBU in my opinion

BadBear · 16/07/2019 17:08

I know this is pretty wild but this person who I know contracted salmonellosis from a family member kissing her when she was a baby. The person didn't know they had it as they hadn't had sympoms at that point. She nearly died, and it left her with a lifelong condition.

Babies don't have the same immune systems as adults. She is your child and if you don't want people to kiss her that's absolutely fine, not to mention safer.

mynameisMrG · 16/07/2019 17:08

I don’t feel YABU and I don’t think it was a drip feed. It was fairly obvious you were meaning because of cold sores. I thought it was common knowledge how I’ll babies could become if they caught this? My DM gets cold sores throughout the year but as she is my mum I feel comfortable saying don’t kiss DS (though she is very good). I’m not comfortable saying it to everyone though so a blanket rule sounds fairly sensible.
At the end of the day, your child, your rules. I’ve read much worse on here before.

littlewriggler · 16/07/2019 17:11

I banned grandparents (and other people) from kissing the baby until she was 3 months old when their immune system matures a little bit and they start putting things in their mouth anyway.

Partly because of the risk from the herpes virus, which is most serious and life threatening in the first 6 to 8 weeks of life, and partly because colds and flu etc aren't fun in a newborn and people can be contagious before they have symptoms.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 16/07/2019 17:23

YANBU.

That was before I read they had cold sores. YANBU

Cold sores and kids are deadly. Ffs people trying to shame you or call you unreasonable need to google how dangerous cold sores are for babies.

You are the parent. If you say NO it’s not up for debate.

Let your MIL and others feel upset, it doesn’t come close to how you and your child will feel if they infect her. Also good chance to start teaching boundaries and consent. Spend less time letting disrespectful people have time to hold your child.

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