Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by this??

62 replies

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 15:21

From the beginning we have asked people NOT to kiss our daughter and at first people complied, some with resistance telling us “she needs to build an immune system you will make her ill if you don’t let people kiss her!” Obviously we know this not to be true and it’s best not to let anyone kiss your child no matter who they are to them! Anyway over the weeks people have slowly started to ignore what we have been telling them and have started kissing her as they please! Obviously I’m very annoyed by this as they are just completely disregarding what we told them. So again today we mentioned it to both sides of the family, my family was absolutely fine with it no questions asked however my MIL objected saying she feels as though we are targeting her and that she is HER granddaughter and she wants to kiss her! She said we are making her feel as though she is disgusting and will infect our child. I’m just shocked by her response as in no way are we targeting her.. we’ve mentioned it to BOTH sides of the family not just her.. and it seems as though she just has complete disregard for our wishes and our baby’s health.. AIBU to be annoyed by this? And more importantly AIBU to ask people not to kiss her? Her sly remarks and comments over the weeks are making me feel like I’m doing the worst thing possible for my daughter and as though I am being silly.

OP posts:

Original poster

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 15:49

Of course I’m not saying people with a cold sore should never.. as I stated while she’s so young I’m not comfortable with it

OP posts:

newmomof1 · 16/07/2019 15:51

I agree with not kissing on the lips. The only one who goes against our wishes is FIL. I've spoken to DP and told him he needs to have a serious conversation because it makes me feel uncomfortable. If she's sleeping in her basket he'll even try and lean over to kiss her on the lips then. It's weird.

I'm trying really hard to bite my tongue but can see me having to discuss it with him very soon!

RedSheep73 · 16/07/2019 15:52

If cold sores are the issue that's understandable, but say that up front - don't kiss our baby if you have a cold sore! and maybe mentioning that in the original post would have been a good idea?

Why1990 · 16/07/2019 15:55

With the cold sores, I understand where you are coming from. I have a 1 month old at the minute and his dad had cold sore when he was a week old so it led us to doing a lot of research as we didn't want the virus to be passed on.
But the virus can only be passed on when the cold sore is active and I think most people know not to kiss a baby when they have a cold sore anyway.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 16/07/2019 15:59

I always thought the virus was only she'd from active sores, but I just googled it and apparently not! Those affected will shed virus when they have an open sore, but can also shed during asymptomatic periods too. So, sometimes when they don't have sores too. I know that doesn't help the OP to chill out, but interesting to know.

I do agree that adults kissing kids on the lips is odd!

BykerBykerOoh · 16/07/2019 16:00

Your first message was about people kissing your baby. Now it’s about people with cold sores kissing your baby on the lips. They are two different things. One is reasonable and one is completely OTT.

TroubleWithNargles · 16/07/2019 16:02

If I suffered from cold sores I don't think I would go around kissing tiny babies.

Original poster

Clc00 · 16/07/2019 16:03

If you read my replies to the thread, I explained we put a blanket ban on everyone kissing her after being made to feel bad for asking certain people who have cold sores to not kiss her.. that is why the original post is about people as a whole not kissing her. Apologies for the drip feeding and unclear original post.

OP posts:

MonkeyTrap · 16/07/2019 16:05

I’ve just had a baby and read other people’s “rules” about contact with their new babies.

I generally find that anyone invited into my home is trustworthy and not disease ridden. If they are disease ridden, they tend to stay away. Most people have had their own children and feel equally protective to new born babies and therefore do not pose any threat.

AllOverIt · 16/07/2019 16:10

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 16/07/2019 16:15

How many people in your family have cold sores and how often are they coming to the house? Surely if I had something on my lip that was contagious, or even when I have a cold/tummy bug, I tell people I'm not going to kiss them. Are they really that daft they cannot figure this out for themselves?

ddl1 · 16/07/2019 16:17

Under ordinary circumstances, I would say YABU (assuming that it's family members, not random acquaintances and strangers). But if cold sores are going around in your family, then it makes sense to avoid kisses until everyone's better. But best to be direct about the reason.

Gustavo1 · 16/07/2019 16:19

I get cold sores. I would never kiss a child, even my own when I have a sore.
In between breakout has never been a problem.
I think it’s fine to ask all people not to kiss baby on the mouth.

Shodan · 16/07/2019 16:20

Kissing a baby on the lips is a no-no, regardless of whether the kisser has an active cold sore or not.

My doctor told me (and the NHS website says the same) that most people contract the virus as children, so tbh I'd be extra cautious if I had young babies.

Having the virus (which most of us do, apparently) doesn't mean you'll necessarily get cold sores. Or, if you're super lucky, like me, you'll get your first one in your late 40s, and on the small of your back, rather than your mouth

Ponoka7 · 16/07/2019 16:25

Vibiano
"So should people who have ever had a coldsore never kiss a child?"

You shouldn't kiss a child under twelve months old. The cold sore virus can be deadly. After twelve months, the child can have a different range of medication.

Some people don't get the warning symptoms that they are going to develop one.

It's a virus that can kill a newborn and is easy to not pass on by just not kissing the baby, so why would you risk it?

Nesssie · 16/07/2019 16:27

utswmed.org/medblog/herpes-simplex-pregnancy-baby/

Its a real thing, and why wouldn't a mother want to protect her newborn baby?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2019 16:28

Ha, was going to say it's perfectly reasonable if they have e..g. coldsores when I saw your second post.

A friend of mine's DD1 was infected at a few weeks old by her great-grandma kissing her while she had a cold sore - it's not at all nice.

So no, given your dripfeed YANBU.

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/07/2019 16:28

People with cold sores do have a disease, and it is very serious for small babies so feel free to insist these people don't kiss your baby.

I've never kissed anyone's else baby on the lips unless the 'baby' was old enough to come up to me and kiss me.

Nesssie · 16/07/2019 16:28

Whether or not you have herpes yourself, insist that everyone who wants to hold or touch your newborn wash their hands first. This is the No. 1 thing parents can do to safeguard their child from not only HSV-1 and HSV-2 but also other viruses and bacteria that can make your baby sick.

Do not allow anyone with a cold sore, or anyone who you know has had a cold sore in the previous week, to hold or kiss your baby.

Once people are infected with herpes, they’re infected for life, even when symptoms aren’t present.

we must never underestimate the devastating effects these viruses can have on infants. As parents and providers, we must do all we can to safeguard our babies from herpes infection.

So YANBU

username95 · 16/07/2019 16:29

Even if it was an unreasonable request (which it isn't) at the end of the day she's your and your DP's child and what you two says goes. A blanket ban makes sense, as you don't know who has had the virus before and not, there's no point risking it.

What is unreasonable is the fact that people are ignoring what you've asked them in favour of their own opinion on a child that isn't theirs.

Alb1 · 16/07/2019 16:29

It isn’t true that the virus can only be passed on from active cold sores, and not everybody that carries the visus nos they have it, the danger is mainly from kissing near or on the baby’s mouth, or it’s hands (as they can go in the mouth). I no somebody whos baby died this way, and they will never no who passed on the virus as nobody visiting had a cold sore, the virus can be very dangerous to young babies, this baby caught sepsis and died as a result. I’m honestly shocked how many people think it’s ‘a load of crap’.

Asking people not to kiss these areas makes sense but if people want to kiss the head or like the belly or something there isn’t really a danger. Maybe read about it properly and then provide this info to her so she understands about not kissing babys hands or face?

DishingOutDone · 16/07/2019 16:31

I think if you'd explained all this at first OP you wouldn't have so many votes for YABU. I'd never let anyone kiss a child of any age on the lips - why the fuck should they?! If you lean in and catch them all well and good, but its certainly not ok to deliberately kiss a baby like that. Yuk.

And as for doing it with coldsores? WTAF?

SunshineCake · 16/07/2019 16:33

I don't think you are being u reasonable. Everyone should be aware of babies who have died through being kissed with someone with a cold sore. The baby is yours. You should get 100% say over how people are with her but you'll get posters telling you are mean and being very cruel with comments.

Roussette · 16/07/2019 16:35

How very sad that a Grandmother can't kiss her granddaughter. What the actual heck is going on in the world.

Of course not on the lips. Who does that anyway

Of course not with cold sores

But c'mon... lighten up. I would be so so hurt if I was banned from kissing a GC on the top of the head, the cheek etc.

Barmy.

callmeadoctor · 16/07/2019 16:37

Why do we have a mumsnet link to storage solutions in this thread?

Flip

1 2 3