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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to pull DS from nursery after 3 weeks for this

94 replies

Thegracefuloctopus · 15/07/2019 18:43

Posting here for traffic really but please help.

Ds is 9 months old. He has been going to nursery 2 days a week for 3 weeks, eventually increasing to 3 days a week next month. But a few things have happened which are making me question the nursery. But i dont know if we are being too precious.
Chose this nursery because it was recommended to me and is close to work (obviously checked it out first).
So DS has a nap each morning and each lunchtime on the whole. Since being at nursery, they only do one at lunch time and dont seem to try with the other ones. Once hes had A sleep, thats it for the day. Understandable, most babies dont settle as well at nursery but they dont even try to go with the times ive said, just willynilly (i.e wait till he falls asleep somewhere and pop him in a cot).
He came home with a massive bruise on his shin. No mention of it from nursery. No accident form and it was huge. So big it couldnt have been unnoticed. They also never asked me about it. However, this morning, another mum mentioned her daughter had a small bruise and they made her fill out a form to say it had happened at home. Find it odd they didnt ask for that from me.
DS is still weaning (obviously, hes still young) so he has a milk at 10.30am and 2pm ish depending on his lunch time. HE ALWAYS HAS HIS PM MILK. Today, they said he 'just didnt fancy it' when it was offered and they then didnt try again but waited until dinner time and gave him solids. DS was then starving at pick up.
They rang me to ask me to pick him up because he had to have his eyes wiped 3 times and they suspected conjunctivitus, when i said he has been checked out and doc has said he is fine to go to nursery, they said "if we have to wipe his eye one more time we will call again" i said thats fine and would prep boss that i would need to leave. They didnt ring so assumed all ok but at pick up, his face was covered in eye gunk and they said they didnt want to ring again so didnt wipe it.
When i arrived today, DS was playing 1 on 1 with member of staff in door way to garden. He then crawls over to me and starts gagging and coughing. Litterally as if hes chocking. Nursery staff couldnt give a shit so i slapped him on the back and he was sick and spat out a leaf. I understand kids put things in their mouths but he had been playing 1 on 1 and they wernt bothered by his gagging at all. Key worker then offered him water in a sippy cup i specifically asked her not to use becauae it gives him wind and hes sick everywhere ( hes constantly sick anyway hense me asking her not to use a sippy cup but a munchkin cup. I offered to supply his own but they said they had some avaliable to use so i didnt).
Worst of all, every day hes there he gets really really bad nappy rash. Like red raw, crying in pain from it. Never ever gets that at home. We get him home and he recovers over night then the following day it gets bad again. Like hes been left in a pooey nappy for ages. Ive voiced my concern about it but they just kind of dismiss it.
So, WIBU to pull him from the nursery and find somewhere else or are we being too sesitive? Is this just what nursery is like? Can i request some kind of meeting? I feel like they tell me what i want to hear but ds behaviour doesnt match what they've said. Anyone else been through similar qnd what would you do?

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 16/07/2019 10:54

I think you would get a more individual approach and a home environment with a good childminder. Whatever you decide I would talk to the manager the nursery Is your baby happy at drop of and pick up?

bananasaidso · 16/07/2019 11:58

I would take them out. The level of care is not up to good standards. It would have made me very upset too if they left my child uncomfortable with gunk in their eyes just to prove their point.

We had loads of problems when my child first started nursery and she was 2. The Key worker she was assigned herself had a girl same age as mine but in a different school. she would always compare my daughter to hers. Mine was active and social, hers was more placid so she didn't like my child. Every single day she would complaint to me about her behaviour. In the end I was like what do you want me to do about it? She is only 2. Once she didn't even change her nappy for the 3 hours my child was with her and then tried to blame it on my child that she wetted it after she changed her. I pointed it out to her that I send my child in nappy but I have provided pull ups to the nursery so I do know when she is changed. Then she tried to insist to send nappies instead of pull ups. There were so many problems with that key worker and we had so many discussions with the nursery manager about the care she was giving. Luckily she was a contract worker and her contract wasn't renewed. The new key worker was amazing and she loved my DD and told us that she wanted her in her care but couldn't at that time because she already had too many kids. My DD loved going to nursery after that but with the previous KW she was always distressed and refused to go.

Check if there are other good key workers in the nursery. What was the settling in period like? If you don't like any of the key workers then do take your child out. Sometimes the nursery workers make us look like paranoid mum so that they can put the blame on us for behaving erratically even though they are the one in fault. I also noticed that I had to take my husband in so that they would take my concerns seriously. For some reason they dismiss mum's concerns Hmm

Worsethingshappen · 16/07/2019 12:26

You have absolutely done the right thing by taking your child out of this nursery

Knowivedonewrong · 16/07/2019 12:36

As an ex nursery Practitioner I would say remove him. They sound absolutely shite!
I think a childminder would be better for you.

FilthyforFirth · 16/07/2019 12:47

I would pull him out immediately. The bruise would have been enough for me.

DS has been at nursery since 11 months old and I've had none of this. Sounds awful.

Booboo66 · 16/07/2019 12:54

That's quite a list, I'd definitely look for somewhere ASAP

waterrat · 16/07/2019 12:54

Very poor and a young baby shouldn't have to wait for naptime later in the day when they usually have one in the morning. It's supposed to be loco parentis childcare not a factory system

Thegracefuloctopus · 16/07/2019 19:09

Thanks for all the replys.
Childminder would mean a lot of buggy time for DS and a lot of dictated holidays for us which we wernt happy with but we arnt writting it off for the future if needs be. DS is a very big character, hes very confident once he gets to know somewhere so a childminders house i feel would be quite enclosed for him (even when i have him i have to leave the house at some stage otherwise he just gets too 'inny')
We didnt send DS today, both woke up not happy to take him so DH took the day off with him and i went to work and organised nursery. We have arranged for him to have settle sessions this week at the sister setting which has a completely different team and is much much smaller. I already feel better about him going there.
I rang the nursery he has been at and explained what happened to her. She was shocked, didnt make excuses, was really nice about it and told me exactly how to make a complaint. They have transferred my paid fees for this month to the other branch as well and ive explained to the other manager whats happened and she seemed lovely (as she did when i met her the 1st time). In hindsight, i should have sent him there to start with. Hopefully, they are better for him.
Someone mentioned age of staff... this is 100% the case. Staff at this nursery are mostly trainees with one qualified person per room. Staff at the new nursery are all at least level 3, 3 of them are level 6 or working towards that which gives me confidence.
Really hopong this is better but so far, they have been very accomidating. Time to draft a very long complaint email.

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 17/07/2019 09:17

Good news, OP! Keep us updated on the transition!

WTFthatsweird · 17/07/2019 09:48

YANBU I've got three kids and I've endured shit nurseries and shit childminders.
We have also had excellent nurseries and excellent childminders.

That's a shit nursery.

I highly recommend considering a childminder.

WTFthatsweird · 17/07/2019 09:49

I think you have the wrong end of the stick with childminders.
You can't worry about him being stuck in a buggy all day and being stuck in their house all day. That's contradictory.

A decent childminder will do neither of those things.

AntiHop · 17/07/2019 10:12

I would have moved him too.

Dd was at nursery for 4 days a week since she was 9 months old and she's just about to start school. She was at the same nursery until we moved house last years so we moved nursery. We didn't have any of the concerns you have at either place. Good nurseries are out there. Hope it works out.

bakebakebake · 17/07/2019 10:28

I took my daughter out of a nursery after 5 afternoon sessions when she came home having had a poo in her knickers. She absolutely stunk and was red raw and bleeding. The session was only 3 hours so it hadn't just happened. She needed 2 baths and really good washes to not smell anymore. Their reason for not noticing was "we don't know unless they tell us". She had literally just turned 3 and is super shy.

Go with your gut. Always.

Nonnymum · 17/07/2019 17:51

Glad you are changing nursery. On your childminder comment in my experience the child is more likely to go out and about with a childminder than with a nursery. Childminders take children out as you would take your own child out, to the park, to playgroups and other toddler activities etc even a trip to the shop can be interesting to a small child. They are not kept in the house all day.
They might spend some time in a buggy to get to places or for school pick ups but no more than if you were a stay at home mum and had older children. Also many toddlers enjoy the trips to school to pick up older ones.
I hope the new nursery works out for you and your baby

Magentabubble · 19/07/2019 17:51

@BoredToday
So you hate working mothers as well as gay people?

NoisyNeighbour · 19/07/2019 18:03

Do you think the bruise on the shin is feom holding his leg down when they changed him?

Have you told the manager about the girl trying to change a nappy and what she said?

ittakes2 · 19/07/2019 18:11

Your son could be in the perfect nursery - but if you decide you don’t like it for whatever reason it makes sense to change. Trust your instinct.

Thegracefuloctopus · 19/07/2019 18:52

DS has had 2 settle sessions at new nursery. It has been fab! Hes been really happy, they have been really good with him and he seems a lot happier in a smaller setting. The staff also seem happier in their jobs, its a smaller team and they have been so much more interactive with the children from what ive seen. It feels 'right' to be taking and leaving him there. Thank you all for your commenta and help

OP posts:
Actionhasmagic · 19/07/2019 18:55

Leave

Sounds below standard

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