WIBU to pull DS from nursery after 3 weeks for this

[Thegracefuloctopus]

Posting here for traffic really but please help.

Ds is 9 months old. He has been going to nursery 2 days a week for 3 weeks, eventually increasing to 3 days a week next month. But a few things have happened which are making me question the nursery. But i dont know if we are being too precious.
Chose this nursery because it was recommended to me and is close to work (obviously checked it out first).
So DS has a nap each morning and each lunchtime on the whole. Since being at nursery, they only do one at lunch time and dont seem to try with the other ones. Once hes had A sleep, thats it for the day. Understandable, most babies dont settle as well at nursery but they dont even try to go with the times ive said, just willynilly (i.e wait till he falls asleep somewhere and pop him in a cot).
He came home with a massive bruise on his shin. No mention of it from nursery. No accident form and it was huge. So big it couldnt have been unnoticed. They also never asked me about it. However, this morning, another mum mentioned her daughter had a small bruise and they made her fill out a form to say it had happened at home. Find it odd they didnt ask for that from me.
DS is still weaning (obviously, hes still young) so he has a milk at 10.30am and 2pm ish depending on his lunch time. HE ALWAYS HAS HIS PM MILK. Today, they said he 'just didnt fancy it' when it was offered and they then didnt try again but waited until dinner time and gave him solids. DS was then starving at pick up.
They rang me to ask me to pick him up because he had to have his eyes wiped 3 times and they suspected conjunctivitus, when i said he has been checked out and doc has said he is fine to go to nursery, they said "if we have to wipe his eye one more time we will call again" i said thats fine and would prep boss that i would need to leave. They didnt ring so assumed all ok but at pick up, his face was covered in eye gunk and they said they didnt want to ring again so didnt wipe it.
When i arrived today, DS was playing 1 on 1 with member of staff in door way to garden. He then crawls over to me and starts gagging and coughing. Litterally as if hes chocking. Nursery staff couldnt give a shit so i slapped him on the back and he was sick and spat out a leaf. I understand kids put things in their mouths but he had been playing 1 on 1 and they wernt bothered by his gagging at all. Key worker then offered him water in a sippy cup i specifically asked her not to use becauae it gives him wind and hes sick everywhere ( hes constantly sick anyway hense me asking her not to use a sippy cup but a munchkin cup. I offered to supply his own but they said they had some avaliable to use so i didnt).
Worst of all, every day hes there he gets really really bad nappy rash. Like red raw, crying in pain from it. Never ever gets that at home. We get him home and he recovers over night then the following day it gets bad again. Like hes been left in a pooey nappy for ages. Ive voiced my concern about it but they just kind of dismiss it.
So, WIBU to pull him from the nursery and find somewhere else or are we being too sesitive? Is this just what nursery is like? Can i request some kind of meeting? I feel like they tell me what i want to hear but ds behaviour doesnt match what they've said. Anyone else been through similar qnd what would you do?

Routine wise, I think that most nurseries have their own routines rather than sticking to nap times / meal times from home. Although they should have been clear with you from the outset if that was their practice.
A lot of the other stuff just feels kind of “off” though, so I would go with your instincts. Your ds is too little to tell you what’s going on, so you need to feel completely confident with the situation you’re leaving him in.

Yanbu. Trust yourself. Get some metanium for your lo. Much better with nappy rash.

NHS don't recommend anything for conjunctivitis now. I was told by my GP to take the NHS advice to my dc nursery when I took him to get drops. I did get drops from her but she said next time you don't call them just bathe the eye. Not a next time yet thankfully but now they don't exclude for it.

Re childminders and holidays (as you mentioned this would possibly be an issue): our CM takes 4 weeks a year but always the same dates and always during school holidays so we can plan our own family holidays around her breaks.

There are great nurseries around but personally I decided not to put either of mine in one until they turned 3 as I felt a CM was the best option up to that age. Talk to the nursery manager about your concerns and if she brushes them off then look for another setting. The choking incident sounds horrendous

OP that sounds awful. I agree with PPs - you should trust your gut and get him moved ASAP. The nursery my DC goes to is the opposite - so caring - and they aren’t unique in this. Good luck xx

There’s too many things there. The biggest for me would be the eye though. They were willing to leave him uncomfortable to not bother calling. That wouldn’t sit right with me. The gagging is bad too but there could be an explanation for that because you were there.

. On the nappies, mine used to get bad rash when she was teething. She never had a rash at home with me but would at nursery and I had words with the manger. Thy weren’t doing anything wrong but when she was teething her poos were so acidic she only needed to be in a nappy for a couple of minutes (easy over lunch or outside) for a rash to develop. They showed me her nappy change charts and took it really seriously so I knew they were changing her regularly. She just had toxic poo unfortunately. The fact that you feel they were dismissive would be another red line for me.

The line between being PFB and being warned by sensible maternal instincts that something is wrong is a blurry one. This nursery is definitely on the wrong side of it but not everything you list is pearl-clutchingly awful.

Kids will most certainly nap and eat/drink differently at nursery than at home and you cannot expect a nursery to keep track of and stick to 15 different-but-similar sets of rules. They will have a system and your dc can fit in with it for 2 days a week. Ditto on the sippy cups.

However the poor attitude to bruise and bump reporting, poor nappy management leading to nasty rashes and insufficient supervision leading to a barely-prevented choking incident - that's all serious. Serious enough that I wouldn't be considering the sister branch of the same org - those shortcomings are due to serious flaws in institutional prioritisation and you can't expect the other branch to be any better.

DS did a settling session at nursery last week and I left for a little while, when I went back he was asleep in one of the worker's arms. She said he was tired but was a bit overwhelmed, and didn't want to go in the cot, so she'd walked with him in the garden until he fell asleep. I wanted to hug her. You need to leave your child with someone who would care for them the way you would. Hope you get him moved quickly.

These nurseries are all about making money.
9 months is too young to be left with non family members.
No one will care about your kid like your family would.
Don't risk your child with these over subscribed nurseries.

I would pull him out and find somewhere more interested in care of babies!

Things that raise concerns to me

• they don't follow the schedule that you use - even our pre school (2,3 and 4yr olds) does this and it's in a school! If they can't sort naps or food then how are you meant to potty train later down the line?

• never raised any issues over a bruise done In their care - this is something that is really serious even if it was something really minor that caused it!

• the whole eye thing was frankly bloody ridiculous and should show you how much they aren't caring for the children in there care! Its basic neglect and same with the gagging/choking of a leaf and them not blinking an eye. Just because your there doesn't mean he isn't in their care anymore.

• nappy rash suggests they aren't changing him bum frequently or at all! (That is a concern only if this only happens when he's at nursery not at home.)

I would be wary about leaving my child In there care!

How’s your little one’s mobility? A bruise on the shin is a bit strange. They usually get bruises where they contact the ground/car/table etc. Bit tricky to bang your shin on something at 9 months. Maybe someone else fell on him etc? Trust your instincts and see if you can move as there are too many things there.

I would be looking for another nursery ASAP, and in the meantime, speak to the manager.

Some things you say are petty re cups and sleeps. The bruise thing is weird. Especially re other bruise incident as wel. The leaf thing. Well... just because it is 1 on 1 doesn't mean these things dont happen. Plus: he could have put it in his mouth ages ago. But their lack of interest/concern is weird. .. but maybe because you dealt with it /noticed it/ they figured it was ok now.

But if you feel your kid is not well looked after: pull him out. But do it for good reasons (re bruising or leaf (. Not for them not giving him is afernoon milk (he didnt want it!) Or him not sleeping as you want him to and drinking from the wrong cup.

Even if you were being precious (which I don't think you are) not having full trust in your childcare is always a good enough reason to withdraw them from that provider

My baby is the same age and I’ve not yet returned to work. Reading this made me teary. Poor little lamb. 💙If I were you I’d take him out but not before having a meeting to discuss your decision. Also report your findings to the care regulator. I’m in Scotland and here it is the Care Inspectorate. Please do this, as the little ones in their care cant speak up for themselves. They’ll then be inspected and measures put in place to ensure improvement in the care they provide. Good luck finding somewhere better for your little man. 🍀💙

They don't sound awful but they certainly don't sound great either. I would be a bit concerned about some of this stuff. And once you're worried it's hard to go back. Probably best to move your son to a better nursery.

It doesn't sound great tbh but don't tar all nurseries with the same brush. Our nursery has a maximum of 6 babies in the room with 2 staff and we follow own routines as much as possible although babies naturally fall into the nursery routine after a while. Personally, I wouldn't use a childminder but look at a few other settings and see how they feel - you will know when you find the right one

I don't think this is good at all and I think you should ask for a meeting and seek alternative childcare.

I went back to work when DS was 9 months old and I decided to go with a childminder.

At that young age I felt DS would get more one on one attention (she only had him and one other slightly older child during the day) . She was better able to keep his routines and stick to my preferences I.e. naps, feeding etc. Rather than having to fall in line with nursery routines and policies.
Was the best decision for us. He loved it. He then started preschool when he was just over 2 1/2 years as I felt it was important for him to have interaction with lots of kids his age in preparation for school.

I had a few similar issues when my ds went into nursery at a young age. On one occasion he wasn't changed and it was clear he'd been in a soiled nappy for ages. He also got the usual bumps and bruises. It's tough one because you have to expect some of these things in a nursery. There are probably unlikely to be able to provide the same level of one on one care as you can and that's to be expected with so many kids in one setting.

On the other hand this is your baby and if you're not happy to leave him there it's going to cause you anxiety and upset. Only you can decide. Maybe a childminder would suit you better.

I think one or two of those things you could try to address but all together it’s too much and I’d be moving him

I would take him out and ask for your deposit back after sending a letter of complaint. The bruises thing is scary and choking on a leaf?! I would probably also ask for the money back for that day too.

I would take him out, I know if it were my son I’d constantly be worrying if he was okay. You’ve got to be able to trust the nursery and be happy to leave him there for the day.

Most nurseries make kids all nap at the same time so this is normal and your child would adjust to it. Cups and bottles issue is also normal. They have routines which work for them and they have experience with kids so sometimes you need to trust the routine. Kids get covered in bruises and you have no idea it didn’t happen at home or in the car or somewhere else but that’s part and parcel of kids growing up BUT the other stuff sound lazy and irresponsible.

I second trusting your instincts. It doesn’t sound like a great place OP.
I questioned DS’ nursery when he first started and was on the edge of removing him until they got their act together. They were nowhere near as bad as this.

Definitely trust your instincts,wtgd other setting sounds ideal, the manager and staff make a big difference to day to day running.

But also be aware that many of the issues, sleep, milk, cups are just a fact of any childcare setting. We looked at 5 different childminders with my second, but you may find they are equally rigid. Most had a very set routine with particular playgroups they went to, school runs (most did morning, a lunchtime nursery pick up, then back again for the school kick out so DS would have been buggy bound for us to 2 hours per day), some then also cooked tea for the after school kids, and were clear DS would be expected to nap in the car seat/buggy if they didn't have the classic 'after lunchtime nap', as there wasn't time to fit anything else into their day, so there are compromises whichever way you choose.