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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad to do school pick ups?

56 replies

Kelly1909 · 15/07/2019 16:37

My sons dad and I are not together, he stays over night with him twice a week. On occasions (once every 3-4 weeks) I am not able to pick my son up from school on the nights he goes to his dads due to being at work. Am I being unreasonable asking his dad to collect him from school or seeing if his grandparents can? I’ve asked a couple of times and his dad has been annoyed that I’ve asked and said I shouldn’t be working if I can’t do the school run. He lives a 5-10 minute walk from school and drives so that’s not an issue.

OP posts:
Bananacloud · 15/07/2019 16:39

He sounds kinda pathetic tbh

00100001 · 15/07/2019 16:39

" I’ve asked a couple of times and his dad has been annoyed that I’ve asked and said I shouldn’t be working if I can’t do the school run. "

well, he shouldn't be working either then....

NotMetExpectations · 15/07/2019 16:39

It shouldn't be an issue, many dads used to pick their kids up from DS's primary.

The fact that he's being an arse about it makes me glad to hear he's your ex, not current partner. I can quite see why you dumped him.

MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 16:41

If it's his night to have the child then he should be responsible for the pick-up - why does he expect you to 'deliver' your son to him without him making any effort whatsoever?

Livedandlearned · 15/07/2019 16:41

What a knob head

Teacakeandalatte · 15/07/2019 16:44

Agree he should pick him up every time it's his overnight

INeedAFlerken · 15/07/2019 16:48

His nights? He should be picking them up. If he can't, then he shouldn't be working. Tell him that.

See why he's your ex...

IceQueenCometh · 15/07/2019 16:55

I completely agree with @MichelleC69. Why should you collect DS from school and take him to his dad's? Surely as it's his night that's his responsibility? That's just normal parenting isn't it? Who takes him to school the next morning?

Why does he think that either of you have more right than the other to work? What a dick.

Benes · 15/07/2019 16:57

He sounds like a sexist twat tbh.

NoSquirrels · 15/07/2019 16:59

His night, his problem. If he works he can arrange flexible working on this days, or a childminder to pick up, or after school club, or anything he likes that isn’t imposing on you.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 15/07/2019 17:00

Why wouldn't he do the school run on days he has his son?

What a ridiculous concept he has of parenting!

Yabbers · 15/07/2019 17:04

Are you really asking this question? Do you really think anyone will think he is right?

Original poster
Kelly1909 · 15/07/2019 17:14

Thank you for all your replies. @IceQueenCometh in the mornings dad drops him off at mine (he has to drive past to get to work) and I then take him to school. I know it seems a ridiculous question @Yabbers but I don't have any friends in a similar situation to get opinions on if I'm being unreasonable or not. As far as I'm concerned I don't think it should be the mothers responsibility to do all school runs and I know there are a lot of dads who do a great job of picking up/dropping of. I do my best to work on the nights that he has my son so I don't miss out on too much time with him but on occasion this makes it hard for me to do pick ups and a little help from him would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 17:14

Sounds like a selfish twat, of course he should do it.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 15/07/2019 17:18

Why is there this belief that mother have to do more for their kids than their fathers? I couldn't imagine my DH thinking that I had to parent our children more than him. He'd be pretty mad about the expectation. (Should hear him when someone dares to say how nice it is that he's babysitting the kid so I can do whatever. Confused
OP your ex is as much their parent as you and if you shouldn't be working because you can't do all the school runs then as everyone else here is saying, neither should he. He needs to pick his own child up especially on his contact days!

MichelleC69 · 15/07/2019 17:18

He should be doing the drop off in the mornings as well a - why should you do it? You need to put your foot down, he's taking the piss.

olympicsrock · 15/07/2019 17:24

He’s a misogynist twat. Of course he should do the school runs around his contact sessions . If he can’t he needs to pay a childminder / after school club or breakfast club. Many couples both work and have this issue. Now you are a single parent you need to work!

TeachesOfPeaches · 15/07/2019 18:55

At my son's nursery there are dads from all different cultures and types of jobs and they all do drop offs and picks up regularly. It's very normal now.

TeachesOfPeaches · 15/07/2019 18:56

They even push the prams themselves !

OooErMissus · 15/07/2019 19:37

So you have to run and pay for your own household with your son, given you're separated from your ex.

How is 'not working' an option?

He expects you to not work, just so that you can collect him on the days his dad has him?! As others have said, why doesn't he not work?

There are a few families at DCs' school where the parents are separated. On the days the Dads have them, they pick up. And on the days the Mums have them, they pick up.

If he's not available to do it, he uses his own initiative to get someone else to do it. He doesn't expect you to not work. 🙄

user1480880826 · 15/07/2019 19:41

What a prick.

Yabbers · 15/07/2019 21:28

but I don't have any friends in a similar situation to get opinions on if I'm being unreasonable or not

I can’t imagine needing a friend to check this with. He lives close to the school, presumably is in, why wouldn’t he pick up his own child from school?

OrchidInTheSun · 15/07/2019 21:37

His dad has him overnight. That means he collects him from school and drops him at school the following morning. He's his dad - not a bloody play date

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 15/07/2019 21:40

That's ridiculous. DH used to do all the pick ups. It's part of being a parent - your ex is a dick if he thinks it's just one person's "job" instead of a parental responsibility that whichever parent it's more convenient for does.

OooErMissus · 15/07/2019 23:26

Or if he can't physically do the pick up because he's working, he finds someone to do it. Jeez!

You know, like working parents across the planet...? Confused

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