Dad to do school pick ups?

[Kelly1909]

My sons dad and I are not together, he stays over night with him twice a week. On occasions (once every 3-4 weeks) I am not able to pick my son up from school on the nights he goes to his dads due to being at work. Am I being unreasonable asking his dad to collect him from school or seeing if his grandparents can? I’ve asked a couple of times and his dad has been annoyed that I’ve asked and said I shouldn’t be working if I can’t do the school run. He lives a 5-10 minute walk from school and drives so that’s not an issue.

What? This is bizarre. If it's his time, he does the parenting. That includes getting to/from school.

There are many couples at my daugther's school who do this - I don't know the marital situation of all, but those that I do know are separated, the Mum brings them in a certain number of days and Dad/grandma the others, same with pick-up. That's normal.

Would he expect you to drop your child off at his place to take to school after a night spent at yours? And he pick him up from school in order to deliver him to your place if it's your night?

@SagAloojah everything was just agreed between ourselves about the nights he has our son however nothing was agreed about school runs/holidays. Ex can be very difficult to talk to and reason with which is why I keep putting it of. I couldn't find any laws relating to this hence me asking here. I will still struggle to put my foot down with him but the current situation is making life difficult for me so I shall have to be brave and do it.

I would be tempted to say if you don't pick him up, you don't see him - simple! Why on earth should you run around after him? He's being utterly crap and taking you for a ride.

Does he pay child maintenance, OP?

I will still struggle to put my foot down with him but the current situation is making life difficult for me so I shall have to be brave and do it.

I think you could say - in writing, an email preferably- that the arrangements need to change now that your DS is starting education and do you’ve been “taking advice” about usual arrangements and suggest that on his days he’s responsible for school runs and childcare if needed, and that you set up a schedule for school holidays that’s fair to both parents to allow you both to work and give your DS a good standard of living.

Put it in writing in case you need to prove in the future that you’ve offered reasonable ways to resolve it. Eventually you might need a legal agreement for contact but if you can show you’ve tried your best to arrange it that will help.

Always stay calm in communication about it, even if he provokes you and acts like a twat!

Sorry to hijack your thread…
apologies in advance for the lengthy post and potential lack of sense it makes:

I am attempting to organise a parallel parenting plan with my ex for our 4 children (10,9,8,7) he also has another child (1) with his new partner.
As part of the plan the only contact he has currently agreed to is Friday evening’s with him collecting from school, he works weekends so says he can’t have them overnight.
my fiancé offered to pick the children up from his house at 7:30pm, baring in mind I don’t drive and neither does my ex.

Ex said they needed to be collected at 6:30pm because of his babies bedtime routine, I explained that the children don’t cope with only seeing him for 3 hours so that I would not be facilitating that and picking them up at that time, but that if he chooses to bring them back to my home for 6:30pm that’s his decision.

Fast forward, after several attempts at “you will be picking them up at 6:30pm” from my ex, it has now changed to him refusing to “let the children come down and visit” if they are not collected because:
“there needs to be a plan in place that we both agree to, until then it won’t be happening”

So… am I being unreasonable here for refusing to go at 6:30pm. At this point I’m reluctant just based on his refusal to take no for an answer, and have never retracted the 7:30pm offer.

P.S we love 2.1 miles apart and he already hasn’t seen them since July ‘23 as the results of an argument between him and his partner and our 10 year old. I approached him to try and sort out contact, he didn’t so much as phone from July to when I made contact in January.

Thanks All 🖤