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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital visit escalated out of control

103 replies

Outmuch · 15/07/2019 15:56

DH here in need of advice. Apologies for epic post.

DC is month old and yesterday DW was concerned they were feverish and had a small mark on their arm. She phoned NH24 to be safe and her and baby were brought in for observation.

The fever was put down to the hot weather (all vitals are normal) and one of the nurses observed baby sucking it's arm which produced another small mark same as first.

We assumed the mystery was solved. all other tests were normal and baby was by all other accounts healthy. So assumed mum and baby would be home today...

Mum was informed as baby had a mark they were informing SS and today they've had numerous consultants but nobody is informing us when we can go home.
There's been suggestion someone fron SS could need to stay with us for a few days!!!

Does this seem ridiculous to anyone???!! On the balance of evidence:

  • we self admitted to the hospital (not neighbours phoning over a domestic but our concerns)
  • the mark had reasonable explanation as witnessed by 2 nurses
  • baby has no other marks and is otherwise healthy confirmed by nurses (so no evidence of a pattern of abuse)
  • baby has been visited by health care professional/midwife every 3 days since birth (stabilising feeding routine was a battle). These professionals have observed baby closely and would've reported anything untoward surely?

So this is one isolated mark, which is getting blown out of proportion.

Mum is upset and in constant tears. She's not being well updated and feels she's being punished for trying to be a good mum and report her initial worries.

If I wasn't so annoyed I'd find it hilarious. What happened to common sense? Appreciate any words of wisdom.

Thanks

OP posts:
sparkly72 · 15/07/2019 17:50

Really? They are pretty good at sucking given their lives depend on it?!?

I know they can suck Hmm
It's more the fact that they can't reach, not having head control and all that ......

SirTobyBelch · 15/07/2019 17:53

Any bruise or other mark suggesting injury on a baby who is not moving around independently (typically less than 6 months) has to be reported to the local authority. The hospital staff have absolutely no choice in the matter.

In about 98% of cases, such marks will indicate either an underlying medical condition or non-accidental injury. Doctors/nurses cannot take the risk of not following it up.

Please ignore "advice" given on this site. If you try to take the child home the hospital will be obliged to call the police (standard fourth-year medical school exam question) and you will make things worse.

Also ignore people saying someone from social services will move into your house. An awful lot of people here are prone to making up stuff like this.

Stay calm. Support your wife. Talk openly to any medical, nursning or social services staff who ask to talk to you. Unfortunately, of course, you'll spend a lot of time waiting for people to come and talk to you.

progestermoan · 15/07/2019 17:56

Record conversations if you can where the nurses admit they saw baby sucking arm and causing an identical mark

Record any other meetings

Keep notes

Photograph medical records if you can

progestermoan · 15/07/2019 17:57

And do NOT under any circumstance discharge yourself. You need to stay there, stay calm and have proof of everything from this point onwards

Nofunkingworriesmate · 15/07/2019 18:02

Nursery called ss on us, similarly ridiculous scenario talked to us on the phone and did not bother to visit, stay calm and cooperate
Sorry this is happening to you

progestermoan · 15/07/2019 18:03

You just need to stay there and comply. As I said before gather all your evidence and make recordings there are some good apps you can use for recording

C305 · 15/07/2019 18:11

Yeah there's no risk of anyone from SS coming to stay with you, that's just not something that happens... even children who are actually under child protection orders/plans don't have anyone from SS staying with them... like others have said, try to stay calm and let it play out, as someone who also has to deal with making referrals etc. it's never nice or easy, but unfortunately all feelings have to be put aside in order to make sure it's the welfare of the child that's being concentrated on aside from anything else. The hospital have no choice, they have to report any concerns in order. However, that doesn't make it any easier or less frustrating for parents like yourself, it's just the way the system is and sometimes there are professionals who may refer where others wouldn't, but at the end of the day and reported concern needs to be investigated... Hope it all gets sorted out for you all though

C305 · 15/07/2019 18:14

Also just to add as well as a general point, although the hospital (and nurseries, schools etc.) report any concerns, it's not them who decide whether these get taken further or not, sometimes I don't understand why some get taken further and others don't, but I guess SS & the MASH have access to information that others don't that may form part of the bigger picture

SirTobyBelch · 15/07/2019 18:17

Just to clarify, MASH = multi-agency safeguarding hub.

Sorry for mansplaining but it can get difficult to navigate acronyms and other abbreviations.

Amibeingdaft81 · 15/07/2019 18:23

Sorry if missed

But baby has been seen by a health care professional every three days? On what grounds?

nokidshere · 15/07/2019 18:33

But baby has been seen by a health care professional every three days? On what grounds?

It used to be that a midwife came out every day for 7 days and then a HV for another week or so after you gave birth. No idea if that's still the case but OP said it was to help establish feeding anyway

Amibeingdaft81 · 15/07/2019 18:35

@nokidshere

When did you give birth?

My last was 6 years ago. Two mid Wife visits. Two health visitors visits.

Jemima232 · 15/07/2019 18:41

OP, can you give a bit more detail as to why your baby was seen every three days by the midwife. That's a little unusual (although not impossible - midwives have responsibility for the baby for 28 days after birth even though almost all mothers and babies are discharged from their care at 10 days.)

And why didn't you take the baby's temperature at home? You say that the vital signs were normal. You could have checked yourself instead of ringing NHS 24.

Or you could have rung your community midwife as you were still under her care. They're on call 24/7.

bumblingbovine49 · 15/07/2019 18:53

Of course a baby of a.month old can suck their a rm. DS did this almost from birth. It turns into thumb sucking eventually.

HappydaysArehere · 15/07/2019 19:02

How upsetting for a caring loving and probably exhausted mother to have her and her dhs care questioned in this way. It is obviously some procedure to protect the hospital as well as the baby. However, I hope this doesn’t deter parents who are worried about visiting hospitals with queries which worry them.

Tolleshunt · 15/07/2019 19:17

Oh dear, how awful for you, OP. This will be all your DW needs. Please keep a careful eye on her, because immense stress of this kind could easily tip somebody into PND/PNA or even PTSD. I wonder if this is ever considered when it is weighed up whether to report or not. It would seem not, from some of the threads on here.

Like others have said, keep as calm as you can, and play ball. Hopefully you will be out of there soon, and I hope it doesn’t put you off accessing services in the future (also something that doesn’t seem to be weighed up, but hey-ho).

nokidshere · 15/07/2019 19:17

@Amibeingdaft81 oops..... quite a long time before that......Confused

Amibeingdaft81 · 15/07/2019 19:32

Times have changed in terms of midwife and HV visits
Unless there’s concerns

Crispyturtle · 15/07/2019 19:35

This is completely standard where any unusual marks / bruising is found in a non-mobile child. They have to be seen by a paediatric consultant for a full examination & social services will be made aware. It is likely there will be no further action, but unfortunately there have been a few terrible cases of which I’m sure you are aware, and procedures are changed appropriately. Even parents who abuse their children will seek medical help, often with plausible explanations. The HCPs are just doing their job.

Original poster
Outmuch · 15/07/2019 21:26

Sorry for delayed update just back from the hospital.

To those asking why the frequent HC visits, it was relating to a battle to establish a stable feeding routine. After 3 day visit bsby had lost 12% weight so we saw HC everyday for a week. DW and baby had an overnight stay as baby still not gained sufficient weight. Overnight stay helped and hc visited every day the following week to monitor weight. So from then til now it averaged about every 3days.

Back to today consultant said medically DC is fit but as they'd not got hold of SS they advised they stay in ON. We came to an understanding that they stay in ON under the assumption the SS requirement would be followed up first thing tomorrow (effectively they're attempt to contact SS was poor and they made zero progress today).

So on good faith DW and baby are staying in but if we're no further forward tomorrow, I'll be taking mum and baby back home and the process can continue from the comfort of our home (they stated we're not obliged to stay but they advise they do). They said they'd be disappointed if it wasn't resolved tomorrow.

OP posts:
Goodnightchristopherrobin · 15/07/2019 21:34

A mark (bruise) that was concerning to health professionals, on a baby that is too little to move independently should absolutely be investigated further. That’s all that’s happening here, surely?

WomanLikeMeLM · 15/07/2019 21:38

Its perfectly normal in safeguarding, and as an A&E Nurse myself, we are duty bound to report these. If you cooperate nothing will come of it and you will all be fine. Imagine the outcry if on one occasion we did not report and something happened?

katedan · 15/07/2019 21:44

Non mobile baby policy is in place to look at any mark on a baby who is not mobile as they cannot have accidental hit themselves.

There is nothing to worry about but the hospital will have procedures to follow

Hope baby is better soon

AnyFucker · 15/07/2019 21:55

I strongly advise you not to discharge yourselves tomorrow.

Just out of interest, is baby breastfeeding ? If not, why aren't you giving your wife a few hours break and staying overnight yourself ?

Lougle · 15/07/2019 22:05

Try not to worry. It does get easier as they get older. DD3's nursery pulled me aside when she was 3, to ask how she'd got a black eye. Fortunately, I clicked with what they were asking and simply said "DD3, close your eyes please." It was a prominent vein that cut across her eyelid, meaning that when her eye was open she looked like she'd been punched. If they'd referred to SS before talking to me (which they probably should have done, tbh) it could have taken a while to sort out.