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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend Posting Embarrassing/Potentially Damaging Stuff on Facebook etc.

73 replies

IncandescentShadow · 15/07/2019 13:23

Childish I know but a little upsetting all the same given we are all adults.

I have a male friend, lovely person, lovely wife, been to his house for dinner, etc. Possibly a bit 'old school' 'man likes to be in charge' type.

We all do a bit of cycling, him very casually to keep fit. Many, many mutual FB friends. I used to be a fairly serious competitive athlete, but not world class or anything. In response to a meme I posted on my page on Friday about trying to drive safely around cyclists, he posted a lengthy reply on my post, part of which described how he had been on a car journey with me driving in which I tried to mow down pedestrians and drove dangerously, and apparently I said things about trying to knock people down. All nonsense of course. I'm quite a serious sort of person and don't make 'jokes' like that. Also have friends who have been killed out cycling, although I didn't make that part of my post. Fortunately, I quickly saw his reply and deleted it, and sent him a pleasant personal message saying why I had to delete it as it was unsuitable, and suggesting catching up when convenient to which he replied equally pleasantly.

At the weekend, I did a small triathlon and finished second and posted about this on FB. He then tagged me in a post about triathlon cyclists cycling dangerously that was doing the rounds last year (so must have looked it up especially). I responded "what is this shit?" and he replied saying he thought it was me on the bike in the photo. At the same time, he replied on my own FB post about my triathlon result, making a jokey comment about my age (for some reason, he and two male friends he has like to joke that I am 10 or more years older than I actually am, even though I am much younger than him, I look very young for my age and they don't). I asked him to delete my name and when he didn't, I deleted that, couldn't delete the other post with my name so flagged it up to FB, and it has now gone.

As has he from FB. Possibly serving a ban? I have a network of university contacts/professional friends from other countries who use FB for this sort of keeping in contact (they don't use LinkedIn), and I can't risk being linked to any nonsense like that. Its also really embarrassing. The tone of the messages was clearly to damage my reputation and embarrass me.

But I feel awful about the whole thing. Its spoilt my happiness of finishing second in the triathlon, and instead of having that nice glow of tiredness, I'm thinking about this stuff instead. AIBU to think what on earth got into him sending those posts? He does have a bit of an ironic sense of humour, but theres laughing with someone, and laughing at them...

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 15/07/2019 13:25

He sounds like a dick but honestly, just stop using Facebook. It will solve all your problems.

coconuttelegraph · 15/07/2019 13:28

Hmm, as soon as I see ironic sense of humour I read socially inadequate wanker, block him on facebook and change your settings so you can't be tagged.

Well done on your triathalon

MammaMia19 · 15/07/2019 13:28

He’s probably just blocked you. All sounds a bit weird and he’s a bit passive aggressive

MyOpinionIsValid · 15/07/2019 13:29

Remove his posts. Or change your setting so no one can post on your wall without approval.

He may have closed his account, he may have blocked you.

Have you actually ASKED him why or TOLD him to stop as your FB is used for professional reasons?

Merryoldgoat · 15/07/2019 13:30

I have a male friend, lovely person

Nope. He’s clearly not a lovely person.

He’s a douche.

HeadintheiClouds · 15/07/2019 13:32

He’s not a friend, he’s very definitely threatened by you. Poor little inadequate.

F2Feee · 15/07/2019 13:32

He sounds malicious. After the first time posting, if he was genuinely sorry and innocent he wouldnt have posted the second time. The fact that he had to dig out a post from last year means he did it intentionally.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 15/07/2019 13:32

I think you've given him fair warning. He knows exactly what he's doing. You could either block him, or target your FB audience to remove him from seeing most of your posts, apart from cat pics (insert uncontroversial subject of choice here) Though I suspect he is deliberately trying to goad you, and will find some way of being an arse on these as well. Do you really need him on your FB?

user1471449295 · 15/07/2019 13:33

Sounds like he is threatened by you...you say he partakes in this sport? He’s egotistical idiot, and I’d say he hasn’t been banned at all, he’s blocked you. Good riddance

FudgeBrownie2019 · 15/07/2019 13:33

Can't you just delete him and let Facebook be for the people you know and like?

Don't have arseholes on your Facebook and don't be friends with people who can't celebrate your triumphs with you.

Original poster
IncandescentShadow · 15/07/2019 13:33

ShirleyPhallus you know what, you are right. I don't see why I should leave FB because of this, but actually no-one dies without it. Unfortunately, most of the sport training and socials are all arranged on FB. But honestly the way I feel, I'd really like to come off the whole thing.

MyOpinionIsValid I did tell him his previous post was unsuitable and I had to remove it as I couldn't have something like that on my profile, with the tagged one, I just untagged myself, commented that it had nothing to do with me and to remove it and then reported it to FB. Clearly, he either hasn't computed it might be damaging to me professionally, or more likely, he doesn't care.

So sick of them all. He and the two friends wind themselves up about what women are doing. Bit odd really.

OP posts:
ambereeree · 15/07/2019 13:37

Sounds a bit jealous of your achievements and youth. When he jokes about your age why don't you reply with not quite caught up with you yet old man.
If he's belittling achievements write here comes our favourite armchair critic.
Honestly OP toughen up don't let him in your head

colourlessgreenidea · 15/07/2019 13:38

I have a male friend, lovely person

So sick of them all. He and the two friends wind themselves up about what women are doing. Bit odd really.

So which is it? (Clue: you already know, that’s why you posted Wink)

cryer · 15/07/2019 13:38

I'd block him and both the friends. (Sounds like he's already blocked you though) Definitely block the other two. Who needs it.

cryer · 15/07/2019 13:40

Btw when you write 'old school' and 'man in charge' what you really mean is misogynist.

AlunWynsKnee · 15/07/2019 13:40

Block him. He's probably blocked you which is why you can't see him rather than a ban.
Adjust your settings so that you can't be tagged without your approval and limit your posts and comments to friends only.

Nearlyalmost50 · 15/07/2019 13:50

Ugh, putting successful women down. I used to get a lot of this type of behaviour at secondary school where the males in my class seemed to take it personally if I had any type of success in exams or tests and spent a lot of time trying to 'beat me'. I thought the world had changed, I guess he's from my generation though. I would carry on using FB. It works for you professionally, don't let his 'hilarious' sense of humour drive you off a platform that works for you.

justasking111 · 15/07/2019 13:50

A lot of stuff is arranged through FB sports wise, so I would just block anyone like this. Why should you leave. A friend of mine a marathon runner had this.

TheGrapefulDread · 15/07/2019 13:53

You were firm but fair. Stick to it, why should you be more socially polite to him than he is prepared to be with you. Block and move on.

BusterTheBulldog · 15/07/2019 13:54

If you want to keep him on your friends list then maybe restrict what he can see too, there’s an option on everything you post that means you can hide from certain people-it’s great!

Well done on your tri too, second is amazing!!!

RosaWaiting · 15/07/2019 13:54

he sounds like a complete arse, why do you want to be friends with him?

ReanimatedSGB · 15/07/2019 13:57

Unless you've had some sort of falling out and this is 'revenge' he is just being a cock. I think, as PP said, it's most likely down to him being one of those men who really doesn't like women much, and gets very snarky when a woman appears to not accept that she is Not a Man and therefore Always Lower Down The Scale.

Bellagio40 · 15/07/2019 13:58

Block him or customize your posts so he can’t see them.

Original poster
IncandescentShadow · 15/07/2019 13:59

Nearlyalmost50 Ugh, putting successful women down. I used to get a lot of this type of behaviour at secondary school where the males in my class seemed to take it personally if I had any type of success in exams or tests and spent a lot of time trying to 'beat me'. I thought the world had changed, I guess he's from my generation though. I would carry on using FB. It works for you professionally, don't let his 'hilarious' sense of humour drive you off a platform that works for you.

Yep. That's exactly it, isn't it? I can't believe its happened to me. And the three of them together liked to make negative comments about my appearance, calling me fat, couldn't believe I could do sport well, etc., made me feel very uncomfortable, which is why I've distanced myself. Its all about control. He doesn't even do the sport seriously at all and I've been doing it all my life!

No doubt he will be telling mutual friends a nice little story about how I've cut him off or something similar.

OP posts:
DobbyLovesSocks · 15/07/2019 14:00

You could always have two fb profiles - one for family and friends and one professional. But as others have said lock your fb right down so if anyone tries to post anything or tag you, you have to approve it

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