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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend Posting Embarrassing/Potentially Damaging Stuff on Facebook etc.

73 replies

IncandescentShadow · 15/07/2019 13:23

Childish I know but a little upsetting all the same given we are all adults.

I have a male friend, lovely person, lovely wife, been to his house for dinner, etc. Possibly a bit 'old school' 'man likes to be in charge' type.

We all do a bit of cycling, him very casually to keep fit. Many, many mutual FB friends. I used to be a fairly serious competitive athlete, but not world class or anything. In response to a meme I posted on my page on Friday about trying to drive safely around cyclists, he posted a lengthy reply on my post, part of which described how he had been on a car journey with me driving in which I tried to mow down pedestrians and drove dangerously, and apparently I said things about trying to knock people down. All nonsense of course. I'm quite a serious sort of person and don't make 'jokes' like that. Also have friends who have been killed out cycling, although I didn't make that part of my post. Fortunately, I quickly saw his reply and deleted it, and sent him a pleasant personal message saying why I had to delete it as it was unsuitable, and suggesting catching up when convenient to which he replied equally pleasantly.

At the weekend, I did a small triathlon and finished second and posted about this on FB. He then tagged me in a post about triathlon cyclists cycling dangerously that was doing the rounds last year (so must have looked it up especially). I responded "what is this shit?" and he replied saying he thought it was me on the bike in the photo. At the same time, he replied on my own FB post about my triathlon result, making a jokey comment about my age (for some reason, he and two male friends he has like to joke that I am 10 or more years older than I actually am, even though I am much younger than him, I look very young for my age and they don't). I asked him to delete my name and when he didn't, I deleted that, couldn't delete the other post with my name so flagged it up to FB, and it has now gone.

As has he from FB. Possibly serving a ban? I have a network of university contacts/professional friends from other countries who use FB for this sort of keeping in contact (they don't use LinkedIn), and I can't risk being linked to any nonsense like that. Its also really embarrassing. The tone of the messages was clearly to damage my reputation and embarrass me.

But I feel awful about the whole thing. Its spoilt my happiness of finishing second in the triathlon, and instead of having that nice glow of tiredness, I'm thinking about this stuff instead. AIBU to think what on earth got into him sending those posts? He does have a bit of an ironic sense of humour, but theres laughing with someone, and laughing at them...

OP posts:

PapayaCoconut · 15/07/2019 14:01

I don't think I'd bother with him anymore if I were you.

cryer · 15/07/2019 14:02

Why would you have anything to do with someone at any point who had called you fat?!

Zilla1 · 15/07/2019 14:03

He's not a friend.

I suspect he's got a fragile ego which, for some reason, you've bruised. I think he didn't like you deleting his reply then messaging him. How dare you, you ..... woman.

I suspect his 'jokes' about you being ten years older were to put you in your place in his mind.

He's deliberately being an arse.

Block and ignore.

Use Facebook if you want to (Ignore PPs who say stop using it as you've said you've got professional and leisure reasons for using it).

Enjoy yourself and be successful in what you choose to do. His wife might keep him up to date which will annoy him. If he uses her account to bully you then you might need to block her.

Durgasarrow · 15/07/2019 14:04

I have blocked my entire family from my Facebook page. So I think you can block him!

KatharinaRosalie · 15/07/2019 14:07

the three of them together liked to make negative comments about my appearance, calling me fat, couldn't believe I could do sport well

He is NOT a friend. Or a lovely person. Block him.

RosesAndRaindrops · 15/07/2019 14:10

I don't think it sounds like he's been removed from FB. From what you've put it sounds like he's blocked you.
He does sound annoying to be fair!

fromdownwest · 15/07/2019 14:10

As general rule Facebook + Professional Career are never a good combination. I stopped mine a long time ago, the ability for people to tag in you pictures and articles that may be deemed highly inappropriate is more hassle than its worth. A few pics of my holiday on Facebook for my friends to see or an afternoon with professional standards. Facebook deletion won!

RezCowgirl · 15/07/2019 14:11

Change your settings so you have to approve posts/tags before they're published to your wall.

Then block him.

RosesAndRaindrops · 15/07/2019 14:13

Change your settings so you have to approve posts/tags before they're published to your wall

That's how I've got mine, nothing's going on unless I like the look of it first and I add it to my timeline lol

Ninkaninus · 15/07/2019 14:14

Can I just ask why you called him a lovely person?

He’s clearly not.

He’s also not your friend.

hazell42 · 15/07/2019 14:16

Are you a better cyclist than him?
If yes, that is why he is doing this.
Some people men just cannot take not being the best at something.
He is trying to take you down a peg or two to make himself feel better
He is a wanker

WildAngel · 15/07/2019 14:16

You'd already contacted him to say about the first post being inappropriate - why not contact him again and tell him thats you found his comments a bit out of line. See what his response is???

mussolini9 · 15/07/2019 14:19

Possibly a bit 'old school' 'man likes to be in charge' type.

And THERE's your answer, OP.
The twat is so threatened by your success that he has to post outright lies about you online.

Very upsetting for you, but at least you have now found out that the eejit is in no way your 'friend'. Congratulations on your recent placing, & I hope you can put the eejit out of your mind as you work toward your next victory.

WomanLikeMeLM · 15/07/2019 14:19

Learn to take a joke OP, seriously its not the end of the world.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/07/2019 14:19

Just block him. If you're using your page for professional contacts, you don't need this dick posting shit like this and if he won't listen to reason then blocking him is the only option.

groundanchochillipowder · 15/07/2019 14:20

FFS. He's a woman-hating dick. Block him. Delete him from your life. He's not 'lovely'.

TheFatberg · 15/07/2019 14:28

I really hate men who do this. I remember being bullied at school by a male peer who made something farfetched up and kept repeating it to get laughs. It still annoys me now many years later!

LonelyTiredandLow · 15/07/2019 14:28

He's an arse. I don't know what it is with some men and social media - it's as if they decide they have the right to be as nasty as they like. You only have to see the men being arrested for death and rape threats to understand a certain type of ego gets off on being overtly abusive on FB. Block and ignore. Then he can't tag you and won't be able to see what you are up to to get another rise out of you. His loss!

rootsonshow · 15/07/2019 14:33

He sounds a little bit jealous and threatened by your popularity, ignore him and don't let him drag you down. Everyone will see he is a knob. Well done by the way.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/07/2019 14:36

What a horrible wanker. Block him - and his pathetic little mates - and make sure your settings are watertight.

The only issue here is why it has taken you so long to react appropriately. Not a dig at you - as women we are so conditioned to ‘prove’ we are robust and have a sense of humour and can tolerate this sort of shit.

If you’ve seen Captain Marvel (SPOILERS!) there’s a lovely bit where she encounters her previous mentor who insists she fight him without her powers to prove she can ‘control her emotions’. She just smirks and blasts him fifty metres away, saying “I don’t have to prove myself to you anymore.”

Sashkin · 15/07/2019 14:37

the three of them together liked to make negative comments about my appearance, calling me fat, couldn't believe I could do sport well

Why are you even speaking to him after this? Block, block, block.

why not contact him again and tell him thats you found his comments a bit out of line. See what his response is???

Because he's already blocked her for being an uppity bitch (or whatever MRAs are calling women they don't like these days).

Travis1 · 15/07/2019 14:41

He's a cocksplat who likes to demean others. Not a 'lovely guy' and definitely someone worth distancing yourself from.

pasturesgreen · 15/07/2019 14:45

He doesn't sound like a lovely person at all, he sounds like an obnoxious, misogynistic twat. I'd hide my posts from him at the very least, if blocking would be impractical for whatever reason.

MissRhubarb · 15/07/2019 14:47

Create a restricted list for your Facebook posts so he can't see posts you don't want him to.

This explains it. You could then share non-sporty posts to everyone so he still sees them but ones you think he might comment on - post them to your restricted list.

Mmmmdanone · 15/07/2019 14:59

Something similar happened with a male friend of mine in Facebook. I concluded that he was a misogynistic prick and unfriended. Unfortunately he's coming to work in my office soon.

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