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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Step kids have head lice

90 replies

motherhen83 · 14/07/2019 19:15

My partner has children who stay with us every other week for 7 days, they are amazing kids but they have constant headlice. When they come to us my children catch them and I spend a fortune on lice treatment not only for my kids but for his too. As soon as they go back to their mum the treatment stops. I asked him to have a word with her which he did but nothing has changed. Today I told them if it isnt sorted I wont have them here. He went mad and said I was out of order. It's my house too though and I'm fed up with it. Am I being unreasonable saying I wont have them here until the lice are gone? This has been going on for months and I've had enough

OP posts:

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 14/07/2019 19:20

You have them every other week, you treat, then do it again 10 days later. Plenty of time to sort them out properly. If they are only going a maximum of 7 days without treatment then it's obviously not being done correctly.

Not great that the mum isn't helping, but, given the time you have them for, its not just her fault.

Nitty gritty comb and comb every day you have them, and treat every 10 days, including your dc, will sort it right out. Don't forget your hair and your dhs too.

CanILeavenowplease · 14/07/2019 19:21

egg to lice is a 7 day cycle so if they are with you every 7 days, you should be able to get rid of them. They are very hard to get rid of and do need a certain amount of determination rather than actual treatment - regular combing with conditioner really helps. If you do it every week, they will disappear but keep doing it until you are sure they are gone - it could take several weeks to be clear.

Can you imagine how it would feel to have your partner say he won’t have your children in the house?

Original poster

motherhen83 · 14/07/2019 19:24

Yeah I do just that. We comb them with conditioner, change pillow cases we literally do everything i cant understand why they keep getting them. I suspect they are around someone who has them then they pass them on to each other. I've never had a problem with mine like this before. When we send them back we make sure there are no nits left so I guess its eggs hatching. I have just had enough

OP posts:

dancingcamper · 14/07/2019 19:26

My daughter kept getting them repeatedly aged about 9 or 10. Definitely went on months despite regular treatment and lots of combing with conditioner. It probably just means other children at school have them.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 14/07/2019 19:27

It can be relentless. I took about 2 months to clear one particularly stubborn batch from my house and I was doing checks twice a day.

You can't ban the kids though, they could just as easily be coming from your dc.

Is shit, but that's one of the joys of having kids.

Original poster

motherhen83 · 14/07/2019 19:29

Yeah I know I feel awful saying it but my kids live here too, their dad has mentioned it today as the kids have told him so that's made it worse.

OP posts:

IamtheOA · 14/07/2019 19:30

Nah, that's mean.

FinnBalorsAbs · 14/07/2019 19:33

Drops of neat tea tree oil in everyone's shampoo and conditioner, and everyone gets combed out EVERY NIGHT, including you and DP. All towels and bedlinen washed and then separate ones for the next little while.

It's a pain she's not helping, but as previous posters have said it shouldn't make a difference.

That said, my priority would be is your DP actually helping? It shouldn't be just you combing and helping everyone. He should be doing it too.

FinnBalorsAbs · 14/07/2019 19:34

Cross posted with a couple of your replies OP.

IceCreamSoda99 · 14/07/2019 19:34

Cheap conditioner and combing with a nit comb, I think it would be awful to tell the children they can't see their dad, it's not their fault they have nits. You can get preventative things as well to put on the children to help stop them recurring.

K1ssIt · 14/07/2019 19:36

My sister had them a lot when she was little and it drove my mam nuts because she did actually treat her. With the lotion stuff as much as she could because the doctor stopped prescribing as whatever was used then couldn't be used continuously.

My mother would spend at least an hour going through her hair with the comb and conditioner but every day she'd come home from school with adult lice in her hair.

You'd be unreasonable to stop them seeing their father for something that's not their fault. Do you know for sure that their mum is just leaving the lice untreated?

I've been very lucky with dd and she's only caught them once but there were plenty of Dads and Mums from her year group complain about what felt like constant infestations.

MyOpinionIsValid · 14/07/2019 19:38

If the mother is not treating them, then she is negligent

AgentJohnson · 14/07/2019 19:39

Tea treat oil, conditioner and diligent combing. Don’t waste your time with the treatments.

WoofWoofMooWoof · 14/07/2019 20:00

My DTDs (10) have had almost constant headlice for months now - I nitcomb twice a week. One thing I have found that works a treat though - instead of using chemical headlice treatment - is using Listerine (the original brown one, unless you want blue/green tinted hair lol). Soak the hair in Listerine, put a shower cap on and leave for 30-60 minutes. Kills the lice much more effectively than the commercial stuff available, and works out so much cheaper .

Rainbowknickers · 14/07/2019 20:03

My daughter had them for 6 years!
I checked her hair four times a day and used every treatment/comb under the sun
The problem was two kids in class who’s parents just couldn’t be bothered to treat them ‘Cos I work full time-I don’t have time to treat nits’ when told by school to get their acts together
It drive us insane but when she moved up to secondary school we never had a problem after that

lunar1 · 14/07/2019 20:08

You can't ban your partners children coming any more than he can ban yours. If this is what it's come to and is a dealbreaker for you then that's your relationship out the window. You won't win the pick me dance against a persons children.

Canyousewcushions · 14/07/2019 20:09

We struggled to get rid of them with coming every day or two here- a week in and I gave up and bought some hederin once stuff.

It's silicone based and washing it out was a nightmare- it took a LOT of washes and I hadn't anticipated the amount time required to make the hair look nice again as opposed to lank and greasy/silicone coated.

Did exactly what it said on the tin though- got rid of them properly in one treatment.

Canyousewcushions · 14/07/2019 20:11

Gah. Autocorrect issues. We were combing every day or two (with conditioner).

RandomMess · 14/07/2019 20:12

Have you used the nitty gritty brand nit comb? The normal nit combs are rubbish at getting eggs and young hatchlings out but nitty gritty is amazing.

MamaMumMama · 14/07/2019 21:16

Are you sure it the mums fault?
Even if two eggs are missed the epidemic continues!
It could be kids at school.
Give the not putting heads together lecture
Disinfect all combs
Boil wash all bedding
Hair ties back
Do the nit treatment
Comb through with a nitty gritty with conditioner every night for a week
Keep doing it- you'll be over it in no time even though it's a bloody nightmare at the time

Hooferdoofer37 · 14/07/2019 21:23

Your DP needs to be doing the bit com ing and treating as soon as they come to the house.

He also needs to be doing the washing of towels & bed linen etc.

You're upset that your SC mum isn't doing anything, but their father doesn't seem to be doing much either, just leaving it to you to deal with.

SadOtter · 14/07/2019 21:35

Is their mum treating her hair? They must be getting them from somewhere. As a kid I kept getting them and mum couldn't work out why we couldn't get rid of them until we realised I had given them to my grandmother who then kept giving them back to me.

Atalune · 14/07/2019 21:39

Total overreaction and rather nasty! You can’t just say you won’t have your step children in your home.

I’m actually rather shocked.

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 14/07/2019 21:49

You cant ban them.

My best friend is going through this with her own daughters. She combs conditioner through 3 or times a week and they constantly have them.

Even when using the treatments, they get them again. Someone else isnt treating their kids, she suspects she knows who is as this child goes to her house alot too and they have caught them during the school holidays when this child is the only other child they have seen.

She has hinted twice to the mother. Told her 3 times that her kids have nits so she should treat her child. She keeps saying her kids cant get them as they have thin hair.

She has now resolved to tell her straight.

The point is, that they are being treated. But if other children around them have them, they will keep coming back.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/07/2019 22:00

Growing up me and my sister had the same issue for months on end and Mum combed every day, did all the expensive treatments but nothing worked.

You can't say that they can't come round. It's not their fault. The Mum may not be helping however it still might be the same even if she was.

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