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AIBU?

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Original poster

Step kids have head lice

90 replies

motherhen83 · 14/07/2019 19:15

My partner has children who stay with us every other week for 7 days, they are amazing kids but they have constant headlice. When they come to us my children catch them and I spend a fortune on lice treatment not only for my kids but for his too. As soon as they go back to their mum the treatment stops. I asked him to have a word with her which he did but nothing has changed. Today I told them if it isnt sorted I wont have them here. He went mad and said I was out of order. It's my house too though and I'm fed up with it. Am I being unreasonable saying I wont have them here until the lice are gone? This has been going on for months and I've had enough

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 14/07/2019 23:35

If the mother is being negligent with regards to lice treatment, then the father should be withholding visitation and consulting a solicitor.

ReeReeR · 14/07/2019 23:37

I think YANBU and saying they can’t come over any more if not sorted might be what it takes for their mother or father to sort it out is you and your DC don’t have to!

Beamur · 15/07/2019 06:42

YABU
Kids pick up headline all the time at primary school. It's not that big a deal.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 15/07/2019 08:45

Withholding visitation and seeing a solicitor?

The kids are getting treated once a week at least, and there's no telling where the lice are coming from anyway. It could just as easily be ops kids.

What a ridiculous over reaction.

Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 08:50

I could never be bothered pissing about with conditioner and a nit comb. I mean, I tried it but they still had crawlers I’d missed. Hedrin is the best, kills the fuckers (including eggs) straight away.

Anyway, maybe the Mum has them? Not unheard of, I caught them from my DC the first time they had them last year. Never thought I’d be combing nits out of my hair

Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 08:51

Posted too soon.

Yeah, I never thought I’d be combing nits out of my hair in adulthood!

You obviously can’t stop your SC visiting because they have nits, it’s really not their fault. Your DH needs to have words with their Mum.

oldmumnewmum · 15/07/2019 08:58

asda used to do a leave in tea tree oil hair spray, spray and brush through every morning, nits hate it, worked for my son when he kept getting giant ones from a kid from school x

permalice · 15/07/2019 08:59

Presumably they are pesticide-resistance nits?

In which case you can at least stop spending a 'fortune' on treatments. Because if they could work, they would (treat on 1st and 7th day).

As they don't then combing is the only way. You can do your own DC easily enough. And your DSC when you can. And I suppose try repellant sprays and have all long hair tied firmly back during visits.

It takes a minimum of 17 days to be clear by combing (one full sexual cycle of the louse) and 21 days usually recommended. Any chance you could have them for longer over the summer?

And do check your combing technique/frequency/duration. The rapidity with which nits are reappearing on your DC does not exclude the possibility that you are not fully clearing them

saraclara · 15/07/2019 09:08

Today I told them if it isnt sorted I wont have them here.

You told the kids themselves, that they couldn't come?
That's so out of order, and cruel (also absolutely not your call) that I'm gobsmacked.

You're blaming the kids for something not under their control, and threatening them with not seeing their dad. Are you some kind of evil stepmother? Because that's monstrous.

ghostyslovesheets · 15/07/2019 09:13

Down right nasty to tell the kids they can’t come due to something that’s not their fault- very unkind

Hedrin once - job done ffs

lyralalala · 15/07/2019 09:20

Yeah I know I feel awful saying it but my kids live here too, their dad has mentioned it today as the kids have told him so that's made it worse.

Imagine if something was happening at their Dad’s that you felt was neglectful...

Then imagine your DH said your children couldn’t come to your house unless they sorted the issue that is (if it’s neglect) being cause by another adult

Because that’s what you’ve done. You’ve said to your DH “I think your ex isn’t taking care of the children properly so I’m not having them in my house until she does - therefore they’ll just have to be neglected even more”

lyralalala · 15/07/2019 09:21

And if you told the kids that directly then if your DH is any kind of decent father that’ll be the end of your relationship.

plasterboots · 15/07/2019 09:31

How utterly nasty, you sound like you're saying his kids are not worthy of being on your house. As others have said sometimes they are relentless, you don't seem to be able to stop them, so it's your failing as well.

This doesn't bode well for ongoing relationships and I hope your DH acts accordingly and backs his children over you. It's their home just as much as it is your children's home.

GhostHoward · 15/07/2019 09:31

I gave up with treatments (they were expensive and didn't work better than daily combing with conditioner). I concur to make sure you have a nitty gritty comb, tea tree oil, lots of conditioner and hair spray.

It isn't your step children's fault, and I wouldn't be so quick to judge mum, as it only takes missing one little fecker for the cycle to start again. It takes one parent to not treat their kid (and trust me, the school will know where the cycle starts) and every child in their class will get them.

My children haven't seen a head louse for over a year now, but we still have weekly nit combings, just in case.

plasterboots · 15/07/2019 09:35

YANBU, I would not have lice infested children in my home. It’s not fair on your children either.

It's jointly shared with her DP, her kids also get them so should they be put on the streets?

I personally wouldn't have a DP that told my kids they weren't welcome in their own home, in my home.

OrdinarySnowflake · 15/07/2019 09:37

Just buy the stuff that just stays on the hair for 8 hours then washed out. Put it on all the children the night they arrive, wash it the following morning, you don't need to comb every time, but make this the routine, if you've seen nits or not for the next month.

Contact your DSC's school and ask them to send out a message, if they are going home without nits, then they are getting reinfected at school. Get a letter out to all parents to check.

iano · 15/07/2019 09:43

Did you tell the children they couldn't come. Totally out of order! I'm gobsmacked. No wonder your partner hit the roof.

RandomMess · 15/07/2019 09:44

My other top tip for using nitty gritty is cheap conditioner on dry hair sat watching TV/DVD!

K1ssIt · 15/07/2019 14:14

I've just realised you told the children they aren't allowed to see their Dad? First time I read I thought you meant your vented to your husband in frustration. An empty threat sort of thing but you actually told the children they can't come anymore and them they've told their father what you said and he wasn't happy.

If he's leaving all the delousing of his children to you the you wouldn't be unreasonable to pissed off there but to actually tell his children they can't see their father is out of order.

If it were your children and dh told them they couldn't stay in their own home because they had ongoing issues with lice and people would be telling you to leave the bastard.

As you can see from many of the comments. Children can have them for months/years despite regular treatment. It might not be their Mother neglecting them like you implied.

Proteinshakesandovieshat · 15/07/2019 14:21

If my dp told my child they werent coming to the house again, we would be done.

Theres no coming back from speaking to my child like that.

Drum2018 · 15/07/2019 14:29

Combing isn't enough. You need to section the hair, go through each section, pick the eggs off the hair with your fingernails, as the comb (even the nitty gritty one) will not remove all the eggs. Their mother probably figures you'll do it all anyway so doesn't need to bother. She might have them herself and could be passing them back to the kids when they have their week with her. Have you checked your hair and Dh's too?

septembersunshine · 15/07/2019 14:31

I pour a whole bottle of tea tree oil into a leave-in conditioner. Spray it after doing the pony tails in the morning. Never had a problem since!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/07/2019 14:43

@K1ssIt I missed it as well first time round and thought the same thing as you.

OP it's absolutely awful you said that to the children, no wonder your DH went mad.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 15/07/2019 14:48

You're a right cow if you told young children they couldn't see their father because of something completely out of their control have a Biscuit

tabulahrasa · 15/07/2019 14:58

Use hedrin (because they can’t be resistant to that) when they first arrive, then comb while they’re at yours...then when they come back from their mums repeat that.

That’s them being properly treated and it makes no difference whatsoever what their mum does or doesn’t do.

If they come with headlice after that you can still can stop blaming their mum, because it’s not about being treated or not, they’re catching them fresh from someone.