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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bad school report

101 replies

Meme2019 · 14/07/2019 09:05

Just got my sons school report for year 2, it’s not good. Do we discuss the report with him?

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 14/07/2019 12:22

Chat to him in a neutral way, about how he feels he has got on at school. If he says he struggles with particular things ask him how he struggles, it could be something as simple as needing glasses because he can’t see the board, is sat next to someone who is too chatty and distracts him, or it might be visual stress (where the text appears to move on the page). It might just be that he doesn’t see the point in what he’s learning!
There are loads of cheap activity books he can do to boost his learning, poundland have them for maths, spellings etc etc or just make games to do over he summer as others have suggested.
Don’t forget that 50% of pupils are below average - thats what average is!

PicaK · 14/07/2019 12:43

It's not a bad report.
He is just not as academically able as some other kids. You are only failing if this affects your love for him.
What interventions are the teachers putting in place? More importantly is he making progress? Why do the teachers think he doesn't concentrate? Is he getting overlooked because he doesn't act up or make a fuss?
I'd let him have a summer off enjoying himself. Make sure his self esteem is sky high. Then ask for a chat with the teacher early in Sept to discuss his attainment, his progress and their plans to bring him up to ARE.
You're a great mum. Chat to your tutor. Explain you want them to work on concentration more than anything else. If they can't do that maybe find one who can. We've been where you are but were extremely lucky to have a fabulous tutor and a teacher who really got him and focused on him as much as every other kid in the class.

prettyretro · 14/07/2019 12:44

Hugs @Meme2019 it's clear from your posts that you want the best for your son.

I'm an infant teacher in Scotland (ages 4-7), I honestly know anything about the English curriculum so I don't want to advise you in the wrong way as it will probably be different outcomes/ targets.

If he's happy at school I would bet at some point everything will fall into place for him.

If it's concentration you feel is affecting his ability then if you pintrest "fine motor skill work" this will give you a million and 1 activities that will encourage his concentration and some independence. They're also really fun to do at home together on a rainy day or family time. It will also develop his little muscles in his hands and fingers to help him with holding a pencil and colouring in etc. Reading anything he's interested in together will also help in!

But please don't feel like a failure, you are a fab mum for wanting to support him and want what's best for him. My DS started school this year and I never fully appreciated the trust and confidence it took parents to leave their child with a (pretty much) stranger for 1/3 of their day. I was always the one smiling taking them in telling everyone "they'll be fine, don't worry!" When it was my own wee one my goodness all you do is worry!!

HomeEdRocks18 · 14/07/2019 12:54

Year 2 as in 6 years old?
Maybe you need to lower your expectations and be happy that your child is happy at school. National curriculum are guidelines

Meme2019 · 14/07/2019 13:23

Thank you very much everyone for the encouraging comments and tips. I am probably suffering from working mum guilt too, because I work full time I don’t get to spend as much time with the kids and support them as much as I should.

OP posts:
MuddlingMackem · 14/07/2019 13:49

This is why I don't like the new system, it is so demoralising for children who are always going to be 'Working Towards'. I preferred the old NC levels as you could see progress even for children who are lower ability as you could see the levels creep up.

my2bundles · 14/07/2019 14:09

Don't worry, my son's report was like this in year 2, fast forward to year 6 and he is exceeding in every area. If the school is worth its salt it will give your son the support he needs in year 3 and above.

Greencustard · 14/07/2019 22:23

I know his problem is concentration, we have been thinking of going to a child psychologist to check that there is nothing underlying that’s causing his concentration issues

For the first three years of my DS being at school I was told every year that his concentration was an issue. By his fourth year in school, at parents evening I kept waiting for the teacher to mention it. When she didn't, I brought it up and told her about the 3 previous teachers saying about his concentration. She was really shocked and said she couldn't believe this was the same child who she was teaching, she had seen no issues whatsoever. So it can change very quickly OP, don't be worrying too much at this stage.

MyOpinionIsValid · 18/07/2019 20:55

@Theworldisfullofgs
Don't be an arse

Theworldisfullofgs · 19/07/2019 12:48

How am I being an arse?

Bookworm4 · 19/07/2019 12:52

A child psychologist?? Seriously because a 6 yr old isn’t ready for Oxford?
Get a grip of yourself, he’s very young and will find his way, leave him be.

73Sunglasslover · 19/07/2019 18:03

If he's trying hard then this is not a bad report. It's not 'bad' to do your best. Some kids do better at school than others. I'd talk to the teachers about whether he needs any extra help but I'd not make any deal of this with him.

altiara · 19/07/2019 18:18

I’d just make time for reading everyday, both DS and then you reading a bedtime story. Or doesn’t have to be fiction, my DS was much more interested in non fiction, so we read about electricity and volcanoes. The library usually does summer reading with stickers and things to motivate them.

He’s still very young and will progress at his own rate. My DD was not at all academic at primary, the difference at secondary has been amazing, she’s just got a bit older and wiser.

Delatron · 19/07/2019 18:19

A huge percentage of kids in this country will have got ‘working towards’, its not a ‘bad’ report. They’ve raised expectations placed on children and stressed out teachers in the process. He’s 6 and a summer born boy. Don’t worry and do not speak to him about it other than to say ‘well done’

BlueSuffragette · 19/07/2019 18:26

If he's happy and trying his best maybe he's just not quite reaching the academic targets. All children are different and better at some things than others. Make him feel great by emphasising the things he does well and talk to teachers about how/if he can get support to strengthen the weaker ones. He's only young, dont burst his bubble, he has to go to school for a good few years yet.

lulabaloo · 19/07/2019 18:38

Speak to teacher first and ask were he is behind and explain. My son is slightly behind but teacher explained that the government guidelines are so high now. Its not fair on the children to have so much pressure on them.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 19/07/2019 19:28

As long as his effort grades are good, I would praise him for trying hard. So long as he is making progress and enjoying school then I wouldn’t get too hung up on being below expectations in y2. He’s still very little.

Things may well fall into place with him as he matures, or they might not and he may always be below expectations, but does it really matter?

DD2s best friend has always been below expectations, it’s always printed on her reports and she just missed out on meeting them in y6 SATs. It can be so disheartening when they try their best and yet government standards are telling them they’ve failed. What it doesn’t show is what an awesome kid she is, who absolutely shone in the school play, is friends with everyone in the class, is a great dancer and artist and will do well in life with her Podgorica attitude. Being below exactions isn’t the be all and end all, there’s more to greatness than being academic.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 19/07/2019 19:31

That should be positive attitude.

hazell42 · 19/07/2019 19:38

Honestly I think you should relax a bit
Cancel the tutor and the psychologist
Let him have the summer off
A few months at his age is a huge difference.
Let him catch up by himself and dont worry him
Definitely don't let him see you crying over his school report!

ByGaslight · 19/07/2019 19:55

Is there anything which actually has to be remedied by the next term OP? Is someone saying he may have a specific learning difficulty? I’d imagine if there was, it’d be on the report but you could chat to his teacher to reassure yourself. And no need to worry anyway.

Otherwise I would not discuss it with him, he’s little, not a teenager who can benefit from assessing their own performance with specific goals in mind. He hasn’t done anything wrong and he’s not behaving badly. What do you think he or you could do about this nebulous ‘not meeting national expectations’ or whatever at his age anyway.

Children – without you realising it – can take ‘discussions’ about school attainments far more seriously than you would want: at that age it can seem like your love is conditional on doing ‘well’ at school, which is deadly. If he’s enjoying school and participating in it, why would you burden him with a notion that he’s failing in some way. Encourage him to love learning about the world, anything can be a subject for learning.

At university, I come across students who have learned that their worth is dependent on their achievements at school measured narrowly by grades: they can be deeply unhappy young people.

Have a secure, happy and enquiring-minded child instead of worriting about individual school reports.

drowningincustard · 19/07/2019 19:55

Firstly separate the behaviour from the academics if you can on the report. If teachers think he tries but just can't concentrate for long enough then I would leave it be, as the length of time should improve as he gets older.
I would always be open with children but age appropriate. So yes gently talk to him about the report - the bits that are great and the bits that weren't need to be phrased positively 'it says we can be better at maths'.
If its just certain areas then maybe look for games to play on that subject. If its across the board then lots of different kinds of games. Across different media - computer games, board games, reading/writing/maths challenges. They should help with both the subjects and concentration - really try to encourage finishing a game/chapter/section. Ask on here for ideas, plus do you have any local parent groups? I'm in a mum group on facebook and its great for people asking/sharing holiday ideas of what's going on in the local parks/libraries/centres.
But importantly - first week completely chill out and don't stress about it...
At this age though its not a 'bad' report - even if you think he can't hear you say it you'd be wrong. Don't tell friends/relatives/neighbours it was bad. Just be non commital - it was 'as expected', 'he tries hard'

Delatron · 19/07/2019 20:01

I disagree with highlighting the negative academic areas at the age of 6. ‘It says we can be better at maths’. What if he’s done his best? Then he’s told by the teachers and the parents that isn’t good enough? And we wonder why we have stressed out kids with mental health issues.

Barbie222 · 19/07/2019 20:06

You've been told what the government deem it necessary for you to know. Unfortunately many children are always going to be working towards because it's a bell curve isn't it. Really unpleasant way of grading - we all hate it.

Meme2019 · 21/07/2019 22:07

We met with his teacher at the end of term, I knew she was trying to get the school SENCO to see my son for sometime but due illness the SENCO hasn’t seen him yet. His teacher explained that my son requires at a lot of support at school, he finds independent working difficult, so someone has to sit with him to explain things to him. I know in time he will catch up, what his teacher said is if he doesn’t get the support he needs now he will likely fall to far behind, which is why I wanted to see an education psychologist so they can assess him and put together a support plan for the school.

For those that are judging me for asking and making unkind comments, I love my son, and couldn’t care less if he is an A student, I was never academic, and parents put a lot of pressure on me, despite me trying my best, so I wouldn’t want to put my children through that. What I want is to support my son to do his best whatever his best is.

OP posts:
lulabaloo · 22/07/2019 06:36

Did you no he needed a lot of teacher support? Why is it never really mentioned till the end of school year. My son has just finished year 4 and has just been sent to senco, he has been referred for ADD, he has lack of concentration in class and needs that support at the start of each lesson. He looses focus quite quickly. Although this has been a regular thing on his reports and each parents evening, the teachers have always brushed it off. Now his year 4 teacher has been amazing and bought in senco. Hope your little one gets the support he needs.

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