To think that nursery/pre school isn’t always necessary ?

[progestermoan]

If one parent is at home and you go to a group or two/the park/do activities at home/play dates ?

Does it really matter if a child isn’t using their 3 y o funding or attending at a younger age?
My ds is only 18 months and I’m getting questions when will he go ? Why is t his name down ? I am lucky enough to be at home and don’t see that it’s necessary it’s personal choice after all?
We are considering home education for him when he’s older though maybe this is why I’m leaning towards this approach but I’m fed up of people asking me !

@saracen said exactly what I was trying too, was more succinctly

Kids who are more "coddled" have to be taught those basic skills by someone though. A friend who is a reception teacher said she spends the first term teaching those kids how to do things like put their own coats on. I don't think a teacher should have to teach things that parents should be doing.

I really hated preschool when I was a child. My DCs started French maternelle (essentially nursery) at 3 and it feeds directly into mandatory schooling from age 6. A lot of people seemed to disapprove of me not sending them to crèche before age 3, but I thought 3 was quite early enough. But I admit they were among the last to learn to tie shoelaces etc.

'Kids who are more "coddled" have to be taught those basic skills by someone though. A friend who is a reception teacher said she spends the first term teaching those kids how to do things like put their own coats on. I don't think a teacher should have to teach things that parents should be doing.'

I thought people were just saying children needed to be sent to nursery so that NURSERY could get them more independent, rather than parents doing it, or do you not share that view?

I do totally see that school teachers don't have the resources to give young children the practical help that they need. So it makes sense to me that children should start school later, when they have already got the hang of all the basics. Kids in England used to start school usually at five or rising-five, didn't they? Whereas now they are encouraged to start in the autumn after they turn four. It's no surprise that some of them can't yet manage coats. It's a pity that there's so much pressure to get them "ready" for an unsuitable environment where a few overworked adults are run ragged trying to help all these very young children.

It's also a shame that when some parents are willing and able to keep their kids home instead of sending them to nursery/school at an early age, that doesn't translate directly into smaller class sizes and a better adult:child ratio. Wouldn't it be great if the saved resources could be redirected to where they are needed?

Coddled kids get more attention from the teacher and most parents like saracen are blind to the effect it has on the whole class. These kids are behind from the start and honestly with a parent at home there is no excuse they shouldn’t be using cutlery / able to put their clothes on / be toilet trained.

'honestly with a parent at home there is no excuse they shouldn’t be using cutlery / able to put their clothes on / be toilet trained.'

So it isn't about sending kids to nursery in order to develop their independence, but about requiring any parents who don't send their children to nursery to make sure kids have learned these things by the time they go to school at four?

I'm honestly not trying to be obtuse and I am wanting to know what you're advocating. Thanks for being patient with me!

I come from a background where SAHM often potty train / teach numbers / food skills / arrange classes and play dates to encourage sharing and social skills etc by 1-2. Nursery can help mop up bad parenting practices and get kids back on track before school.

If you're not going to home ed then I'd say that at least some nursery before school is beneficial. I'm a teaching assistant at a primary school with a nursery attached and it's notable that, generally, those who go to the nursery (most) are initially far better adjusted in terms of social skills and things such as dressing themselves, using knives and forks.

My son is born later in the year, June, so potentially a lot younger than other children who are also starting school in September.

From 2-2.5 we did go to a few toddler groups, but there were very few options that we could physically get to, so he had very little exposure to other children. When he was 2.5 I had go back to work as obviously housing, utilities and food aren’t free. He started at a nursery attached to our catchment primary school, within about two weeks he was much more confident around other children, far far better at sharing and his hearing issue was finally taken seriously as workers at the nursery also noticed there was an issue.

He starts school in September, at the moment he goes to nursery four days a week (I work part time), next week he has his transition to the main site. He is used to being with other children, following another adults routine/rules and being away from me without being worried. He is very excited about starting school and regularly nagging about getting his uniform.

He is in a better position than he would have been without nursery.

My dd started preschool at 3. It did her the world of good in terms of giving her independence, social skills and learning. She also benefited from having the other half of the week with me where she had lots of one to one attention and we went out to different places. I have a friend whose son started preschool then too and they were able to identify SEN early on.

I've got to be honest I don't really understand why people opt to home educate without trying school. My dd is now seven and has wonderful experiences at school that I would never be able to replicate at home.

You may feel differently when your dc is older.

To be honest I would judge someone who didn’t send their dc to a preschool or a nursery at least for a few sessions eg. Using the basic 15 hours.
I would wonder why they wouldn’t.
I would wonder if they were thinking about their own needs rather than what’s best for the child.
In the year before school they build up skills that will help them with the transition to school and normally benefit from the social side.

By 2.5yo I was struggling to keep my DC entertained all day and they were getting bored at home. Fine if we were out and about al day but the cost + thought of going out all day in winter with a baby was enough. I had DC2 at the same time and pre school was my saviour! It's not essential and every child is different, but keep an open mind and look round local pre school begore making a decision

Personally I can always spot the kids who haven't been to nursery, they always seem behind socially and more clingy. If you are considering home school then you likely have strong views on why so guessing nursery doesn't appeal. I can honestly say nursery has taught mine a lot more than I ever could.

ffs you can't say anything on here atm.
My dgd goes to nursery one morning a week at under one, and she is settled and enjoys it. Her parents see it as outsourcing parenting whilst she's there, because they are doing the job that one of the parents would be doing. They and I don't like the term childcare for their own children.

Yes, we have H.educated and flexi schooled or dc too, at times.

DD will definitely need some preschool before she starts school. She's very sociable, has had loads of playdates and has family members with early years education experience who are falling over themselves to teach her the basics. But she's never had a waking moment when she wasn't with me or a close family member, and I don't think she'd deal well with being thrown into the deep end at school age. All kids are different though.

My 4 year old starts school in September and has only gone to her childminders with the same 4 children since they were 1. It makes me very very nervous but we shall see

The thing is by 3 most good nurseries start prepping kids for Reception, teaching them phonics / maths etc. So if your child starts at 3 then he or she is already behind and probably will remain behave until Y2 or 3 at least. Starting by 2 is probably a bit safer from that perspective

Well, this is nonsense.

DD went at 27 months, 6 hours over two days, because she clearly needed it. She didn't benefit, academically, until much older.

DS went at 3.5 for 1 1/2 days a week. He loved it, but didn't need to until then. It was a amazing nursery mind you. He is in Yr two and comfortably top of his class.

I don't think the teaching phonics or maths matters at all. I think it is about being away from their parents and with other children.

None of my 4 went to nursery just straight to reception.

DS started school nursery last September just after he turned 3yo. He has learnt so much just going his five half days a week. Not that we didn't do gentle learning at home but being with his peers has boosted that. He's had to navigate interactions with the other children by himself which has boosted his confidence and skills. They've done work on phonics, early reading and writing, all of which are taught as they will continue to do when he's in Reception, so he hasn't learnt 'my way' only to have something different next year.

None of this is a necessity but it has all been beneficial for my DS and has set him up for a smooth start to Reception after the summer. Additionally his new teacher knows all about him, his strengths and weaknesses before he starts because they've had a handover from nursery. Lots of positives for us.

I don't think nursery/preschool is necessary at all in terms of academic education, if a parent is engaged and doing sensible things at home (reading lots, singing, talking, counting simple items as part of daily life, talking about shape/size etc). I'm a believer that under about 2-3, children are better in a home based environment, I prefer childminders for childcare who usually have a range of ages so fewer toddlers at once & older kids modelling good behaviours etc.

However, I have really noticed between 2.5 & 3 that there's a social element my DS is just starting to clearly get something from. He has started noticing other kids, engaging, initiating imaginative play etc. So I think preschool etc is great from this age onwards as they learn a lot of social skills from playing with a bigger group of kids all similar age.

It's the sharing, picking up social cues, learning to compromise on how you play etc because you are enjoying the company of another child, empathy etc.

Ps on the academic stuff nurseries are no better with under 2s, honestly. None of the kids in my family have been in nursery settings before the academic year they turned 3, and all have been ahead of peers in terms of early reading/maths skills when they started. Also there is very little real academic stuff that children are ready for at that age, they are just picking up ideas like more/less as they play, and enjoying stories & rhymes.

Hi, I have a almost 13 year old.
Never been to nursery or school.
We continued going to toddler groups tell she was 5. At 3 she still did not want to be away from me, and for some that may have been a problem. She was always happy and confident knowing I was around.
Never had any problems with following instructions from me or at event, rainbows, brownies etc. Deliberately did not teach to read tell she was 7. At 7 she was ready to be independent from me and went on her first PGL holiday, on her own. I get many comments about how well mannered and polit she is.
Do things your way, you know your child best.

Why would you deliberately not teach your child to read before the age of 7? Are there really any supposed advantages to that?

Many countries do not teach children to read until 7.
By that age a child is in a much better position to make clear if they do not understand something. We used reading eggs and a book a day, she was reading at the same level as her school friends by her 8th birthday.