To think that nursery/pre school isn’t always necessary ?

[progestermoan]

If one parent is at home and you go to a group or two/the park/do activities at home/play dates ?

Does it really matter if a child isn’t using their 3 y o funding or attending at a younger age?
My ds is only 18 months and I’m getting questions when will he go ? Why is t his name down ? I am lucky enough to be at home and don’t see that it’s necessary it’s personal choice after all?
We are considering home education for him when he’s older though maybe this is why I’m leaning towards this approach but I’m fed up of people asking me !

OP if people are telling you there are waiting lists, maybe put him down for a few for the term after he turns 3. You don't have to accept any places if you don't want to but it would be a bit rubbish if you did want to use the 15 hours and nowhere had space.

My eldest is very excited about starting school this September and I know that preschool has been a huge contributing factor to this. Some of her friends from preschool are also going.

I have only seen positive things from sending her to preschool.

I'm not so bothered about the "academics" but there are crucial areas of school readiness that a good preschool will help to establish. Aspects of self care, being able to communicate needs to an adult besides a parent, being able to focus on different/new activities for a reasonable amount of time, following the daily nursery routine, social skills.. I don't think you can achieve these with a child at home all the time or a few play groups.

If you read studies on it kids don't actually get too much from nursery until they are around 3. That's when they move on from parallel play to interacting in a meaningful way with each other. Also it's suggested that there is a increase level of stress hormone in babies/kids who go to nursery/child care full time due to being away from the primary care giver which can have an adverse effect on their behaviour.

I really didn't want to put my ds into nursery while he was so young but people kept asking me about when he was going etc also and I looked up the pros and cons because I was so dreading it and found this out from a number of sources so put my foot down. Myself and my partner work our work schedules around looking after ds until he is 3ish and will be going into nursery part time.

Ps I'm not saying this happens for all kids I'm just saying what I've read up on, also I know some parents absolutely have to put their kids in childcare for whatever reasons and I'm not bashing them at all before anyone @'s me.

An 18month old is very different to a 3year old, three year olds usual enjoy a three hour play with children there own age in a different environment. You don’t have to take your child to nursery if you don’t want to but when they are 3/4 it’s a good idea for a child to be a little more independent to get ready for ‘big school’. I can imagine it being quite a shock if you have never left Mum and suddenly have to be at school 6hours a day 5days week.

For me yes because I remember being sent to school having never left my mum's side and what a shock it was. I wanted my children to be prepared for school.

Reserve your judgement OP. As a winter born babe, your child will turn four 9 months before starting reception. This is very different from a summer born baby who goes to reception just turned four. Both mine were the same and the toddler groups just didn’t cut it for them st this age, although the groups were ideal for 18 month olds. They needed the routine, stimulation and social opportunities of a preschool setting.

I was on maternity leave with dc2 when dc1 turned 3. I thought we’d just keep going to toddler groups etc, but by 3.5 he had definitely outgrown them and his buddies were going to preschool. So he went 3 days per week and dc2 enjoyed time just the two of us.

Everyone is different but our experience was great.

DD1 went before starting school and I'm 100% sure that going to nursery, being left for the day until we returned helped prepare her for school.

It's also a great way for them to experience social situations withoit the main carer there which I think is essential.

Wow @Chovihano how patronising are you. if you don’t want to educate your child sanctimonious sahm nonsense.

OP for some kids it’s great for socialisation but you can get that by going to playgroup instead it’s normally 2 hours twice a week it is good if they can learn to be without ioi for a while. However you are the parent and you need to do what you feel comfortable with, but just be cognisant that if you keep your DC at home and home schooled it isn’t because it’s what is best for them it is because you want it, because it’s better for you.
It’s a choice, an adult choice. I am not saying that it is wrong, Serena and Venus Williams we’re home schooled, Jeniffer Love Hewitt, and Taylor Swift too the only one I can find in the U.K. is Emma Watson. It works for some but not for others there are a lot of people who struggle in mainstream society too. However you don’t know one way or the other, and so you should choose what you feel comfortable with.

By the way, just because I though @Chovihano was sanctimonious, I don’t think SAHMs in general are and I think it’s a fabulous rewarding and difficult job.

Chovihano isn’t educating her preschool child, you can tell by her post she wouldn’t have the first clue 😂

My now 8 year old never went to nursery or playschool but he stayed home with me. I'm a childminder though and couldn't see the point in sending him to a 'good' setting when I was rated outstanding.
He started school happy and confident and is doing brilliantly academically!

I do think nursery/pre-school is necessary. It’s good for kids to get into a routine of going somewhere without their parents for a certain amount of time to ready them for school.

Nursery has been the making of dd. Her speech has come on leaps and bounds, she’s confidant and they do so much with her that I just don’t have the time for.

I'm always bemused when people say things like "my daughter has come on leaps and bounds the last couple of years she has been attending". I would hope your DC would come on in leaps and bounds a couple of years anywhere. I don't think that's down to being in nursery.

OP, I was in just the same position as you. I kept an open mind as my eldest was very sociable and I thought she might possibly enjoy nursery for a few sessions a week.

One thing which surprised and dismayed me was how suddenly her toddler group friendships evaporated when all the others went off to nursery. I had expected we'd be able to keep those going. But I think once the children had started nursery they were too busy and maybe were having their social needs met there, plus their parents perhaps stopped prioritising playdates because they figured their children had enough opportunity to play at nursery already anyway.

For this reason my child found herself quite lonely, the eldest at toddler groups by an increasing margin, with her former friends now unavailable. This is why she was eager to try nursery. She tried it and liked it a bit, but soon decided not to continue. I asked her every morning whether she wanted to go, and she went less and less often until she had stopped altogether. (Interestingly, despite being a very chatty child, she was unable to articulate until much later what she had disliked about it.) Eventually she made friends with other home educated kids and things improved.

With my younger child there was never any issue whatsoever, as we were well settled into home ed by the time she was born. She'd grown up in a community of children and had plenty of kids on hand from day one. That was lovely for her.

If I had it to do over again, I would have worked harder when my firstborn was tiny to establish friendships with other families where the children might not necessarily be going to nursery or school. It would have avoided that bumpy patch which might have driven her to nursery or school in desperation for friends. So that would be my advice to you: if you aren't already going along to some home ed groups, you might consider starting with that soonish.

@Chovihano "outsourcing parenting"? What a twatty snide comment.

It's a sad indictment of the school system that some parents who wouldn't have chosen to send their child to nursery feel they must do so to prepare them for school. Reception is meant to be a gentle unpressurised start to school. If Reception isn't achieving that aim, we as a society should be altering it so that it does, or moving the school starting age later so that children will be more ready.

School must be a very poor fit indeed for the needs of children if it takes a year or more of preschool to prepare children for the year of Reception which is meant to prepare them for the more serious learning in Y1.

My mum was a teacher for years, starting in the 60s. Back then children started school at 5, or nearly 5, having been with mum/granny/mum’s friend or relative before that. She said they were much more prepared to sit and listen to stories and instructions and much better behaved in general than a lot of the children she taught later in her career who had all been to nursery.

I think nursery can be wonderful for lots of children but I don’t think it’s necessary and like a previous poster said, of course children come on loads while they are there, but they would also come on loads being with an interested mum or dad.

@Saracen - kids who are still being handfed / bottlefed at 3, still in nappies, not encouraged to share, and not used to peer relationships with kids their own age, will always be behind. In my DN nursery all the kids her age in that situation tend to be new to nursery and with one parent at home. If the kids’ basic needs aren’t being met they can’t prepare for year 1. Remember these are the kids who are going to nursery and so the nursery can catch them and intervene where they think it’s in the child’s best interest for nursery.

My sil teaches Year 1 and has also said nearly all of the kids she teaches who come in at 4 in nappies, unable to use cultlery, and unable to eat anything except cut up food have a parent at home. These kids can’t focus on the important things in school such as learning / building social relationships because they aren’t able to meet their basic needs and are constantly self-conscious or anxious about using toilets / dinner time etc. Other kids may also not want to socialise with kids wearing nappies even after they are toilet trained and this could set them back years in their social development.

So for some kids it’s essential for them to go to nursery even with a parent at home. A lot of SAHP have no idea of how much poor home habits can impact kids.

I think the difference between groups with mum and nursery, is that at nursery they are learning to socialise and do things without their mum there. That is very different to young kids.

As an ex teacher who studied child psychology & development I'd be leery of not using nursery. It's invaluable for the development of social skills, emotional intelligence & independence. It makes starting reception class a massively less big deal & its great for them to pick up non academic life skills of empathy, interacting, co operation, negotiation & social peer group dynamics etc. Homeschooling to me is a last resort for SEN children when schools are struggling to address their complex needs. The children I've met who were homeschooled were all isolated, lonely & struggled with anxiety socially when it came to new situations & especially when navigating peer group social dynamics. Their parents were 'alternative' & 'didn't believe in discipline': which led to them struggling with the world of work & adhering to routines & behaviour boundaries.

My baby isn’t born yet, so I can’t speak from person experience. But I think I’d send her the year before she starts school just so she can get used to being without me and school hours

Hi @Teddybear45, sorry I've read your post several times but I'm not sure I've got the gist of what you're saying. Which children are you talking about?

Are you saying that children who are neglected at home would benefit from nursery? I would agree with that. If their home life is really bad, any other environment is likely to represent an improvement. That doesn't make nursery essential for all children, any more than foster care is essential for all children.

Or are you talking about children with special needs? I do have a child who was as far behind as your examples (unable to feed herself at 3 etc) and yes, I agree that she is likely always to be behind other children of her age. The fact that she hadn't met those milestones was a good predictor of ongoing problems. A caring competent parent will be well aware that such a child is having difficulties and will seek out help. I don't see what intervention nursery would have been able to offer my child which she wasn't able to get elsewhere. And one of the great things for her about giving nursery a miss is that she didn't have to be in an environment which was designed for the average child of her age, which would have been totally unsuitable for her.

Or do you mean kids who are a bit coddled by having their parents continue to do things for them which they could probably manage themselves? Don't you find that such children learn pretty quickly when they actually have to do things for themselves? My other child was quite average ability and no doubt I did coddle her just because I could: brushed her teeth for her until she was six, made her sandwiches, helped her with zips and so on. But whenever she was away from me she managed those things. By 8 she was far more independent than most kids. I'm not convinced that being somewhat indulged as a toddler held her back in any way.

It’s not necessary at all but I found with my kids, that the younger two who went to pre school every afternoon from aged 2 settled much easier into school than my older three who didn’t go at all.