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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who's being U - sleeping arrangements

95 replies

rickandmorts · 13/07/2019 15:12

Going away for 3 nights to European city next month with my brother and partner. At the time of booking my best friend said she might come (due to finances) so I booked an air bnb that had enough room for us all in case. Because we left it quite last min there wasn't a huge amount of choice so I booked a house with 2 double bedrooms and an open plan living room with a massive sofa that someone could sleep on.

So best friend is coming now which is great, just trying to arrange sleeping. DB has a disability so can't really sleep on the sofa and needs a bed, so he has one room. I've said to DP that me and friend will share the other bedroom and he can have the sofa. Mainly because if I was friend I wouldn't want two men potentially walking through where I'm sleeping. DP said he wants to sleep with me as I'm his girlfriend and we're going on holiday together. I've said we sleep together every other night of the year and 3 nights won't kill him. Who IBU? (Btw we've been away loads together so not like our 'first' holiday, I think he's being a bit silly)

OP posts:

Teddybear45 · 13/07/2019 16:26

I think you should have booked a place that had 3 beds. It’s unreasonable to expect anyone to contribute equally and then end up on a sofa - whoever ends up on the sofa should receive half their money back.

Original poster

rickandmorts · 13/07/2019 16:40

I don't think so @S1naidSucks, he struggles for weeks if he doesn't sleep on a bed. That's a great idea about turning the sofa round though!!

And no one has paid yet! But it's not a lot we're talking about, I will suggest to friend if she goes on sofa to contribute less.

OP posts:

thetimekeeper · 13/07/2019 16:41

Making adjustments to meet the needs of somebody with a history of trauma is just as important and necessary as making adjustments for somebody with a physical disability.

As someone with a trauma history, I wouldn't be able to manage being the one on the sofa in this scenario for similar reasons to those you described when explaining your alternative idea. So I'd be grateful to have a friend ready to tweak things so I could join them without ending up ill. Which is what it comes down to.

Have a chat with her, but don't tell her how ridiculous your DP is currently being.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/07/2019 16:42

"It’s unreasonable to expect anyone to contribute equally and then end up on a sofa "

Well, not if the person didn't say they were coming in time for OP to make the booking for a good price.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/07/2019 16:44

In all fairness to the DP he doesn't know the reason for OPs suggestion. And it would be odd for most people to go on holiday and not sleep with their DP

LillithsFamiliar · 13/07/2019 16:45

I would expect your friend to sleep on the sofa. Will people have to cut across the living room to get to the bathroom? If not, then the living room is just treated as a bedroom. No-one wanders through it during the night.

Original poster

rickandmorts · 13/07/2019 16:47

Thanks @thetimekeeper, I was just trying to be accommodating to her needs.

OP posts:

Alarmclockstop · 13/07/2019 16:47

I don't think you a bu at all. That is what we would do, I'd share with my friend and dh would go on the sofa. Dh would rather be in bed with me but understands why.

cabingirl · 13/07/2019 16:56

If it's a sofa bed how about you and DP take the living room and let your friend have the other bedroom.

skybluee · 13/07/2019 17:01

OP I think you're being really thoughtful. I also don't get the shock over friends sharing beds. When I went to a concert in Wales, my friends booked the accommodation. When we got there, there were 2 rooms, 2 double beds, 4 of us, we shared. No one batted an eyelid.

I think it's really thoughtful to realise and appreciate that given her history (and not knowing the details) she might struggle to sleep in a room with people passing through it like that. She may need a space to retreat to. So I'd just ask her.

SavingSpaces2019 · 13/07/2019 17:20

I would really hate to not have my own room and would feel vulnerable sleeping out there but

it's your brother and DP.
You're adults, all you need to do is arrange a time so she's up and dressed before anyone wanders into the living room/kitchen.
If she feelsthat vulnerable she shouldn't be holidaying with you all.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/07/2019 17:29

Making adjustments to meet the needs of somebody with a history of trauma is just as important and necessary as making adjustments for someone with a physical disability

Absolutely. But we know what the brother's needs are but not the friend's. I have friends with histories of abuse who would be fine, and those who wouldn't.

Doidontimmm · 13/07/2019 17:30

Have you told the Airbnb that there will be 4 people there?

Original poster

rickandmorts · 13/07/2019 17:31

I know they are @SavingSpaces2019 and I'm not for a minute suggesting anything sinister but I just want to make her feel as comfortable as possible.

* If she feelsthat vulnerable she shouldn't be holidaying with you all.*

Again, I'm not suggesting she does but she has every right to given her previous history and I was trying to be accommodating and said I'd discuss with her tomorrow. I'm glad you're not my friend

OP posts:

Original poster

rickandmorts · 13/07/2019 17:32

When booking I said there'd be 3 potentially 4 @Doidontimmm, I was going to message next week and confirm the 4th.

OP posts:

Doidontimmm · 13/07/2019 17:34

Just so they know re towels & bedding otherwise they’d only leave for 3 (perhaps mention one will be on sofa!)

Purpleartichoke · 13/07/2019 17:37

I completely understand her not wanting the sofa, both for comfort and feeling safe. However, as the add on person, I don’t see any other realistic solution.

In the future, I just wouldn’t book accommodations that don’t have rooms for everyone. If that means people have to decide by a deadline, then that is what should happen.

Armadillostoes · 13/07/2019 17:39

YANBU-It wouldn't hurt your DP to cope for a few nights. Why do people have this obsession with "couples" being glued together. After the age of about 17 it is more than a little pathetic.

dottiedodah · 13/07/2019 18:16

I think the sofa is the best place for her really.I get that you are Bestie mates with her,and would like to relive old times together .But BF would probably feel a little bit put out TBH .How would you feel if you were on the sofa, and he shared with his best mate!

Aprillygirl · 13/07/2019 19:25

Aww OP what a lovely friend you are! But I do think if I were your friend I would just assume I would be the one on the sofa bed. Charging her a little less to make up for the lack of privacy would be a nice gesture though. Enjoy your hols!

SleepingStandingUp · 13/07/2019 19:33

OP I think you're a really nice friend. You're trying to put the needs of your brother and best friend ahead of yours and your partners.

I would suggest splitting the twin room into two singles so the boys can share, then you and Bestie take the double. If it's two twins split them all.

We're late 30's, just booked a trip for 6 of us and it's 3 beds so someone will be sharing I na double bed. We've known each other for too long for it to be an issue. It isn't as weird as people on here think

Original poster

rickandmorts · 13/07/2019 21:19

Goodness @dottiedodah it's not about reliving old times at all. I don't PREFER sleeping in a bed with her to on my own or with my DP, I was just trying to do what was best for her.

Thanks for the additional replies and the ones saying I'm a nice friend and not a weirdo

OP posts:

dottiedodah · 14/07/2019 07:32

Hi rickandmorts Sorry I didnt mean to imply that you were some kind of weirdo ,and would prefer to sleep with her to your partner.!.Just that sometimes when we have a best friend, its nice to just relive old times together thats all .Im sure you will all have a great time together anyway wherever you sleep!

DoveBlue · 14/07/2019 08:18

If one of the doubles can be arranged as singles. Why dont you have a boys bedroom and a girls bedroom?

Pinktinker · 14/07/2019 08:21

Why does she need to feel vulnerable around your partner and brother? Do you not trust them?

YABU, of course your DP wants to share the room with you on holiday.

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