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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Melt down at work

69 replies

WillowPeach · 13/07/2019 09:42

I was BU I know that. My stress levels are through the roof and I feel awful and ashamed for being rude to my manager.

Back story: I’m a social worker, commented several times for the last few weeks that my caseload is too high. I finish work at 5 - or meant to - the past 2 weeks I’ve stayed late every night to a minimum of 7pm sometimes 8. I’m feeling like I’m neglecting my partner so yesterday I promised I would finish on time at 4pm so we could have some quality time together.

My manger instructed that I go and find child in a public place that parents said they might be. I challenged this decision and said I’d completed a referral to out of hours to complete a welfare check later that evening on said child. Manager said no, I have to go and look for the child who was suspected to be in public place with friends. I was at the end of my tether (just finished writing a 3 page to do list) and I told her ‘you’ve lost it’ (meaning she’s lost the plot). (I also then went to toilet and had a private meltdown in the form of crying buckets). I accept I was rude and out of order. I’ve apologised in person and sent a text with a sincere apology that she accepted.

However I can’t shake this feeling of sickness to my stomach, I feel ashamed and keep replaying things over in my head.

Please somebody offer words of wisdom. I feel like shit Sad

OP posts:
RedPanda2 · 13/07/2019 10:09

I feel for you, it sounds like you are being pushed to the brink. My friend has left children's social care as she was not supported at all, did hours of unpaid work at home (emergency court papers etc.). Lots of staff on long term sick due to stress. I don't have any advice but just know you're not alone

Brefugee · 13/07/2019 10:13

Tell them that they need to reduce your caseload or you'll be written off sick with stress for 3 months.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 13/07/2019 10:13

I had a meltdown at work once after a tactless manager excluded me from a meeting because I was at risk of redundancy and he wanted to talk about future planning with those who were staying. It was the way it was done that annoyed me, and led to me slamming the glass door of the meeting room after telling him to go fuck himself. In public. I walked out and went home, then was really scared about going back.

In the end it was fine. The manager apologised, I apologised, we talked it through and I felt more understood and heard afterwards. I ended up staying in that job after getting through the redundancy process alive, and the outburst didn't damage my reputation at all.

bluejelly · 13/07/2019 10:17

Thanks to you Willowpeach. You sound stressed but rational - don't feel bad. Hopefully they'll do something about your working hours. Sometimes things have to snap before they can be fixed

user1487194234 · 13/07/2019 10:22

I know that this is not an easy thing to do but I would stop the (unpaid ?) extra hours
What happened is a sign of how stressed you are,and you should acknowledge that

Livebythecoast · 13/07/2019 10:48

You are under enormous pressure. I was half way through by SW diploma and gave it up as I had a baby at the time and with all the driving, reports, being on call; it just got too much.
Don't be too hard on yourself. I don't think you said anything too awful. You've apologised and if it was out of character then I'm sure your manager understands Flowers

Livebythecoast · 13/07/2019 10:53

*my

Babyroobs · 13/07/2019 10:57

I think sometimes things just get so stressful we crack, we are only human. I have had a meltdown in front of my ( very new) boss due to lack of support in a new role. It must happen all the time and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have apologised, just move on and speak honestly with them about the stress you are under.

Original poster
WillowPeach · 13/07/2019 10:57

Thank you all for your kind words.

I love my job, when I can see a real difference in a child or a family it really makes it all worthwhile. But it’s an awful environment to work in at the moment. I’m newly-qualified so only been in my post for 8 months, the agreed case limit is 15 and limited to Child in need cases (lowest social work level). On my current caseload, I have 21 children, some child in need, some child protection and some looked after (in foster care). I’m onto my 6th manager, I work in what should be a team of 8, we’ve got 5 but only 4 active as one is off on sick. So our team is down by 160 hours of work each week. It’s just madness.

I’m glad my (new!) manager has accepted my apology, she acknowledged that the family count is too high and it is therefore understandable I am feeling like I can’t cope. She’s promised that whilst I am on annual leave next week, she will look at my caseload so fingers crossed something changes soon.

Thanks again Flowers x

OP posts:
daledoback · 13/07/2019 11:00

This reply has been deleted

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Babbabump · 13/07/2019 11:05

I have nothing useful to say but look after yourself and I hope you get some me time soon xx

Siameasy · 13/07/2019 11:07

God I thought you were going to say you punched someone or something-you reacted pretty mildly. I think many of us have had job melt downs and it’s not a bad thing. People need to know that you’ve reached breaking point. Then they may finally sit up and listeb

snitzelvoncrumb · 13/07/2019 11:12

I have had meltdowns at work, I wish I had just said no. It's just what happens when you are pushed too far.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 13/07/2019 11:19

dale don't be a dick

Enclume · 13/07/2019 11:24

OP, everyone has little unprofessional moments in high stakes, high stress jobs... yours was on the mild end, believe me. Don't even waste another moment thinking about it.

But don't do this.
Tell them that they need to reduce your caseload or you'll be written off sick with stress for 3 months.

That would be a very unwise threat to make!

AllyBamma · 13/07/2019 11:36

Good, dedicated social workers such as yourself are like gold. Your manager knows this and there’s no way in the world they would want to lose you which is why they’ve said they’ll make an effort to look at your caseload.

You’re embarrassed because you care! And because you’re frustrated at being spread too thin. I hope you have a lovely evening with your partner tonight, enjoy a nice big glass of wine or three and relax. You’re doing great.

Inkstainedmags · 13/07/2019 11:39

That sounds like a completely reasonable meltdown to me.

81Byerley · 13/07/2019 11:44

if your manager has any sense at all, she will realise you need a break. Don't worry about it, you really needed to vent your feelings, any normal person will understand, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

daledoback · 13/07/2019 11:46

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners why? Because social services are so amazing are they?

You probably have no idea what sort of things SS put families through.

Enclume · 13/07/2019 11:53

dale, a negligent surgeon's actions contributed to the death of my most beloved grandfather. Should I pop up on threads posted by doctors calling them this and that? No. That surgeon does not represent all doctors. Your terrible experiences do not mean all social workers are bad people. It's out of order to have a go at the OP.

daledoback · 13/07/2019 11:57

@Enclume not really the same though, is it? One negligent surgeon against a big failing system of social services. My opinion isn't based on "one" isolated incident with them.

The OP even said it herself, look at the ridiculous amount of case work she has. The system is wrong.

daledoback · 13/07/2019 12:01

My manger instructed that I go and find child in a public place that parents said they might be. I challenged this decision and said I’d completed a referral to out of hours to complete a welfare check later that evening on said child. Manager said no, I have to go and look for the child who was suspected to be in public place with friends. I was at the end of my tether (just finished writing a 3 page to do list) and I told her ‘you’ve lost it’ (meaning she’s lost the plot)

A child needed to be checked and she refused to do it, and referred to an out of hours to do a welfare check later on?

So that child "needed to be checked there and then" and she couldn't be bothered to do it?

I make her manager right if that child needed to be seen there and then.

Greyhound22 · 13/07/2019 12:04

I think you've just been pushed over the edge OP.

I don't know what the answer is - I used to work for Probation and the officers were the same. Trying to juggle high risk cases.

But I don't think you acted unreasonably.

Enclume · 13/07/2019 12:05

All major systems- health, social services, court, prison, education, transport- are failing in the UK and I am on your side re: social services. But there are good people working within all these systems who could probably do with more of our support.

WellThisIsShit · 13/07/2019 12:07

Oh I thought you’d really exploded at work, and gone off on one, that’s a very little break down really! Small, but necessary, I’d say.

I think you need to get a bit tougher at guarding your own boundaries at work, and when you get back from holiday, don’t stand for having so many cases over what you’re supposed to have. I know they’ll try and emotionally blackmail you and try and get you to take on the problem... BUT, it’s not your problem.

This is above your pay grade, and someone else needs to sort it out. Not you.

I know that sounds harsh, but you can’t damage your own health, end up doing a bad job because you’re spreading yourself too thin etc, all in the name of ‘solving the problem’, when nothing you can do will actually solve it. Senior management need to solve their recruitment and team composition issues. And having you leave or go under due to stress won’t help!

So, decide what’s your limit, and go in and bargain for a few under that limit (because you’ll get emergencies put on your desk in reality, so keep a bit of yourself back for that).

By the way, I’ve had a few terrible experiences with social services (adult ss & children’s disabilities)... but I’ve been with children’s services for a couple of months now due to DS issues at school, and the sw is SO lovely, and helpful.

She’s definitely ‘a force for good’ in our lives. And I’d hate it if she was feeling like you are now. Flowers