Melt down at work

[WillowPeach]

I was BU I know that. My stress levels are through the roof and I feel awful and ashamed for being rude to my manager.

Back story: I’m a social worker, commented several times for the last few weeks that my caseload is too high. I finish work at 5 - or meant to - the past 2 weeks I’ve stayed late every night to a minimum of 7pm sometimes 8. I’m feeling like I’m neglecting my partner so yesterday I promised I would finish on time at 4pm so we could have some quality time together.

My manger instructed that I go and find child in a public place that parents said they might be. I challenged this decision and said I’d completed a referral to out of hours to complete a welfare check later that evening on said child. Manager said no, I have to go and look for the child who was suspected to be in public place with friends. I was at the end of my tether (just finished writing a 3 page to do list) and I told her ‘you’ve lost it’ (meaning she’s lost the plot). (I also then went to toilet and had a private meltdown in the form of crying buckets). I accept I was rude and out of order. I’ve apologised in person and sent a text with a sincere apology that she accepted.

However I can’t shake this feeling of sickness to my stomach, I feel ashamed and keep replaying things over in my head.

Please somebody offer words of wisdom. I feel like shit

@WillowPeach I can guarantee the fact that if they didn't engage on this "voluntary" CIN plan it would be escalated to s47 purely just because of lack of engagement.

To be quite honest, there's a CIN plan in place for a reason and if they are refusing to engage ie missing appointments without a good reason, I think it's right that things are escalated. Cin plans aren't made for nothing, surely

@daledoback

I’m not arguing with you Dale. You’ve clearly got your own agenda and perceptions of Children’s Social Care which is fine.

What I will comment on is your belief that it will escalate to Child Protection. It’s always better to have families working with us voluntarily because it shows a willingness to address the concerns. However like everything in social work, decisions and processes and underpinned by thresholds. So if there are concerns at Child In Need level that parents aren’t willing to address, then yes it could be the case that it needs to escalate as that non-engagement could mean the child is at risk of -or being subject to- significant harm. However, sometimes the engagement isn’t there and whilst there are concerns for the welfare of the child, it might not meet threshold for them to be considered to be at risk of significant harm. In which case we would have to look at closing the referral and sometimes that does happen. Each case is unique so you can’t assume that would be outcome for every family.

dale those social workers clearly had no understanding of DV and should be retrained, at best. The one who made the comment to you was completely out of order and I hope yiu reported it?

Those social workers aren't the majority though, Id like to think that as in any professikn they're mainly good people. I think where the kids being left in chaotic homes, where the not enough support available, etc, comes from a place of budgets not carelessness. Look at Baby P. Overworked,burnt out social workers making mistakes. The system needs more money poured into it to actually make a difference, to provide that crucial early intervention and aftercare, to train its social workers properly on DV etc and make sure caseloads are manageable. Unfortunately it's as likely that pigs will fly.

Unless someone has a gun to your head and physically forcing you to stay past your finish time- that’s your choice.

You’re not coping with the job. Ask for help and if you can’t get it you need to start looking for another job.

If it is a CIN plan the responsibility is with the parents and if they are not cooperating it is right that things should be escalated. By the age of 15 some cooperation fro the young person is also needed for a CIN plan to work. What good would one social worker tracking them down when in a public place with their friends do? If they are breaking the law its a police matter. I still think the manager was sending OP on a wild goose chase and her plan was better.

You know that it's nigh on impossible to physically restrain a 15 year old that's intent upon leaving the house, though - any attempt to do so would probably result in the child making allegations of assault, which would lead to an even later night.

They sound like they are very high risk for getting involved in the sort of behaviours that lead to news stories, unfortunately, and the fallout from that would be horrendous for everybody. So even if it doesn't feel like it when you're so overworked, actually doing the check within your contracted hours, even if you can't find the child, would prevent the sort of witch hunt that results in SWs being blamed for failing to act.

Nobody wins in those situations - but it protects you if they still go wrong.

Don’t worry ... you are human
Learn some breathing techniques or meditation or get some essential oils ;9)
They are great for calming and relaxing 👍
Everybody has a melt down here and there it’s good for the soul

@WillowPeach I appreciate the fact you've explained that to me.

However, this is what I don't understand:

However, sometimes the engagement isn’t there and whilst there are concerns for the welfare of the child, it might not meet threshold for them to be considered to be at risk of significant harm. In which case we would have to look at closing the referral and sometimes that does happen.

If this is the case in a CIN, why do they bother in the first place?

The absolute stress that goes through some parents when placed on a CIN and are not made aware of the fact they are voluntary. I didn't know this at first, I engaged and always have done. It did me zero favours whatsoever. Yet at the same time, I know of parents who point blank refuse to let SW in and even been known to threaten them, and then their case is closed!

Then you get someone like me who does everything to engage to have my family situation be made even more of a mess because of the intervention of a SW.

On my CIN, the social worker would turn up unannounced all the time. Took my son out of lessons without informing me and I'd find out from him later that day. And she kicked off because I had no fucking tea towels 😂 Yet I knew of families who were, in my opinion, in need of intervention but because they refused to engage their case was point blank closed when they bloody well shouldn't have been.

This is the major major frustration I have.

Unless someone has a gun to your head and physically forcing you to stay past your finish time- that’s your choice

What an ignorant comment. Clearly you’ve never worked in a sector like OP. I have, not a SW but similar. I had 70 cases when I should have had 45. A job where when certain things needing doing, you couldn’t just go home and not do them. And if people couldn’t “cope” (which meant working many additional hours unpaid to keep on top of things) they were put on “performance improvement plans”. It is relentless and stressful and I did leave in the end, as did many of my colleagues.

OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to go home on time for once. If you let the job suck all the life out of you, you will end up in a worse position. Probably going off for months with stress. I’m glad your manager is going to look at your caseload. Don’t feel bad about your little meltdown! I have seen far worse in the job I did and no one held it against anyone.

dale those social workers clearly had no understanding of DV and should be retrained, at best. The one who made the comment to you was completely out of order and I hope yiu reported it?

@Madein1995 I reported multiple social workers for their failings. Because I was running from county to county due to DV I was allocated different SW.

The first one I reported for a conflict of interest. She took on a case which involved a friend of mine who lived a few houses down. I was on a CIN plan. She'd constantly turn up unannounced. If she couldn't get hold of me, she'd go to my friend (who was also her service user) and ask her for info on me. She also pulled my son from his class without my consent or any prior knowledge to do a "wishes and feelings" which I had every right to be present for and would not have contested to her doing. She was investigated when I took the complaint above her line manager.

The next SW I was given when I moved to a women's refuge out of county, she invited me abusive ex to that county for an "assessment". He previously had no knowledge where me and the children were. No one picked up on my complaint. She later disappeared within a few weeks and was no longer working for that county.

Then when I rehoused myself in a new location on a permanent basis, within three days I had a local SW turn up to inform me that my ex knew my location. This was given by the previous SW.

That same social worker blamed me for allowing myself to be raped. Told me I shouldn't trust anyone and never let anyone in my house. So I said "what happens if my boiler breaks? Do I not let the boiler man in?" She even suggested I need to dress different to make myself look less vulnerable. By this point I'd lost the will and gave up because weeks later she closed my case. I was drained and not prepared to fight anymore.

@cavalier

I’ve been thinking of giving those essential oils that you rub on your pressure points (?) a go

@daledoback

In answer to you question Dale, sometimes a family needs support in xyz areas of their life and putting them on a CIN plan provides them the opportunity to be referred to services that are targeted and can support longer past the period of CIN. However just because support is needed, does not mean the child is at risk of significant harm which is the threshold for CP.

As for your social worker, they should of obtained a signature from you for a consent form that allows multi-agency working so the social worker can go into school, speak to health etc.

As for unannounced visits. Each social worker is different. Some prefer planned, some prefer unannounced and sometimes unannounced is a necessity (eg for incidents of suspected neglect).

@MitziK

Oh I forgot to mention that she didn’t want me to do the check in my contracted hours. I had my last visit booked at 3:30pm (finish at 4), she was expecting me to go looking for said child after this. I didn’t get out that visit until 4:25. This is why I was frustrated because I knew she was laying the pressure on for me to work late again when I thought my safety plan of referring to out of hours was perfectly reasonable given the time of day.

dale that is disgusting. The first one is bad enough, but the second actually put your life at risk and the 3rd was a victim blaming twat. You've clearly had a bad lot, I assure you they're not all like that. Ive got friends who are SW who would never dream of acting like that. So Many professional boundaries broken, I'm gobsmacked! As in any job it's a shame that some bad ones slip through the net.

Cannot believe the victim blaming comments though, those are absolutely disgusting

I understand your reasons and your original meltdown completely, @willowpeach. I don't want you posting at a later date that something awful has happened and you're carrying the blame for it, though - and if a manager can document a refusal, it can result in that.

Lavender essential oil is the most commonly recommended one, but splashing out on Rose Absolute and some Geranium can be very comforting (if they're too pricey, as Rose is incredibly expensive, Neal's yard do bath products with them in and they sell in Waitrose if you aren't near a NY shop, although they can be great for pure indulgence if you can ignore the somewhat hippy dippy aspects if you're not into them) - or if you aren't too keen on sweet/floral scents, Mandarin/orange blossom is uplifting and Camomile is very popular if you like a 'grassy', summery smell. Blends can be good, but it's more cost effective in the long run to get actual essential oils and you can tailor the blend to exactly how you like it.

Other 'wellbeing' type things I'd suggest are making your bedroom the most relaxing and peaceful place, add flowers and comfortable bedding, no TV (my bete noire in bedrooms - I HATE them) and even giving yourself half an hour in there with the lights off every time you come in can be amazing in helping you decompress before emerging again.

I've been in similar situations in education and am counting off the days until I finish to go somewhere else - I was close to publicly melting down a couple of times, but I'm six years in, so I know I'm done there; if I wasn't being made redundant, I'd be handing my notice in on 1 August anyway, even if I didn't have a job to go to. So I do genuinely sympathise.

You’ve got to step back to gain perspective when you are this stressed. No other bugger in health or social care will give a toss or sort it out for you. You absolutely should redraw your boundaries, go home on time as possible, say no to non urgent requests (there will always be crises in a crisis service so the service has to be in good shape to respind to them in a sustainable way). Your manager won’t act until you go off sick. Take a holiday and look afyer yourself

Thanks @MitziK I’ll check those brands out!

Also, good luck with your new venture

Everybody I know who I've told is telling me I'll be stunned at how much nicer the new place is - one who left three years ago said she hadn't realised just how toxic the environment was until her new boss asked her in 'for a chat' and she completely fell apart - the boss only wanted to ask her if she wanted to go on a course for a new qualification, completely free of charge, as she'd been doing so well.

Still got the last week to endure (and I'm holding onto a sick note that's been in force for ten days, just in case I reach the Fuck It point), but it won't feel real until I've handed over my million keys, work ID and entry card.

Then I'll be free of it and ready for whatever the next place hurls at me instead.

There is a national crisis on shortage of social workers and has been for years.Many social workers sign up for agency work because they know they will be needed but can get paid more.
Of course for public sector budgets this can work well as there will be a budget for staffing and then a separate one for emergency cover (agency) . Not only do sw have to meet and deal with the families but they have all the paperwork and systems to update to go with it.

In this case as well, if this was a self referral then perhaps the parents should be fined for the child missing their appointment, bit like not cancelling your doctors appointment. They could have done the sw the courtesy of cancelling or re arranging.

Some people are saying op should have done it, others say SS poke their noses in
... cant win can then... if they dont get involved early then cases can quickly escalate or if they haven't got capacity to deal with all casee fully then obvious things can be missed (like in any job) but child care and protection is high on the agenda and hits news papers very quickly. This adds so much pressure to the teams.

I have dealt with foster kids who play up just to play sw up and piss them off because they direct their hatred at them and not the people who put them in that situation in the first place.

If course the government could do more to help with parenting skills to prevent the need for involvement in the first place but sometimes its needed and early prevention can mean the case needing less time and commitment as its resolved early on.

OP I feel for you, I have felt sorry for sw for a long time and I hope you get your case load sorted.