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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever defended a stranger?

80 replies

Yachiru · 12/07/2019 23:04

Walking home and a young lad (no older than 18) was being started on by several men. No idea what led up to it, all I seen was this guy who was trying n ot to cry, desperately trying to calm the situation and begging these men to leave him alone. I went and asked him if he's ok, and can I do anything for him (got a load of verbal abuse from the group whilst doing so).
anyway, came home, told dh and he went fucking mental telling me I should never get involved, I could've been hurt etc.
I do get his point, but shouldn't you help? If you can?

Has anyone else been in this situation or similar?

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 12/07/2019 23:07

Yes, I regularly poke my nose in where it isn’t always wanted. If you’ve got two evenly matched men or women squaring up for a fight then I’ll totally mind my own business. But several men having a pop at a young boy is just bullying and that doesn’t sit well with me, so I would have done exactly the same in your position.

PIPERHELLO · 12/07/2019 23:09

Good on you OP.

I'd always be careful but yes I would see it as my civil duty to step in.

Original poster
Yachiru · 12/07/2019 23:11

Thank you! I get context plays into it. I've done it a few times, different scenarios, and dh and family have c ringed each time. I've been on the rec eiving end of some horrible stuff, and was praying someone would intervene.

OP posts:
boosterrooster · 12/07/2019 23:11

That was really good of you OP

I'd have done the same

Myheartbelongsto · 12/07/2019 23:12

I would have helped also op.

I did help a woman once when her boyfriend was beating the shit out of her with a glass bottle and she jumped out of a window to get away from him. There were lots of men standing around watching and as I have been in her shoes before I just couldn't stand around watching and do nothing.

CaptSkippy · 12/07/2019 23:12

I think helping is good. They probably picked on the boy because he was alone. Such cowards are opportunists and you just made it a whole lot harder for them to continue.

Well done. I wish I was braver in such situations.

Bloodybridget · 12/07/2019 23:13

I intervened very minimally a few years ago when a man was being abusive to a woman in the street (they were together). He got very angry with me but then someone else said something and I managed to defuse things. I was scared but thought he was unlikely to actually hit me - I'm well past middle age (and female). DP was alarmed and thought I'd taken quite a risk. But I do think we have a responsibility to stick up for people in these situations.

Onesailwait · 12/07/2019 23:14

In that situation yes I would definitely have stepped in. If it was one of my boys I hope somebody would do the same

Myheartbelongsto · 12/07/2019 23:14

And last week when I was parked at the petrol station an elderly man walked out and he was huffing and puffing trying to catch his breath sort of thing. He got into his car and was puffing on his inhaler and rubbing his chest. I went over to him, asked him if he was ok and he was so grateful.

bobstersmum · 12/07/2019 23:16

I'm very short but also a bit short of common sense around things like this and I'd have absolutely have got involved. I used to work in a secure hospital where 50% of the day could be restraining violent adults so I don't think it fazes me, but I don't think it's actually wise to get involved.

littledrummergirl · 12/07/2019 23:16

Yes. If people don't want me to stick my oar in then do it where I can't see it. I've been told to mind my own business and replied that by doing this in front of me they've made it my business.
my husband used to tell me off, now he just checks that I'm ok.
If my children were being set upon I hope someone like you would come along.

teaandbiscuits89 · 12/07/2019 23:17

Good on you OP! theres not enough people like you xx

recklessruby · 12/07/2019 23:18

I ve got a bit of a reputation for this. Blush
I ve stood up for a teenage check out girl when she was getting vile abuse from a customer (worked in retail 18 years so know what its like) and 3 weeks ago my son and I were embroiled in a row with a nasty racist man at our local pub. He was disgusting to the young mixed race barman

TheDarkPassenger · 12/07/2019 23:21

Yeah I can’t keep my gob shut either. Oh is the same and got beat up after telling a group to back off a young kid

HeronLanyon · 12/07/2019 23:24

Yes quite often.
Asian guy pedestrian shouted at with racist insults by driver. I shouted at driver to drive in and that I had his registration number (not sure I did).
Screams heard from my flat went out and asked women if she was ok. Guy told me to F off. Stayed asking woman if she was ok. Guy said to report him so I did. Too long to go on. He was spoken to.
Black guy Having cans thrown at him in Naples city centre by young kids. Stood in front of him and followed kids up the main shopping street hoping to find a policeman (I don’t speak Italian so that would have been pointless) I was really very upset about this. Saw a lot of racism that trip.
Lots of other times. Never if i have had a drink or feel in danger but risks have been taken.

lavenderbluedilly · 12/07/2019 23:24

Slightly different situation, but I was once very grateful for a random stranger sticking up for me.

I was out with a horrible ex, and he openly leered at another woman walking past. She gave him an absolute bollocking for disrespecting me, and firmly put him in his place Grin

Original poster
Yachiru · 12/07/2019 23:24

Thank you. Dh and his family mock me for my 'righteousness '. Im happy I'm not alone!

OP posts:
RubbingHimSourly · 12/07/2019 23:29

I've phoned the police from a distance many times and poked my nose in a few (( woman being harrassed on a train so I pretended I knew her and invited her to sit with us. It defused the situation without any drama ))

Sn0tnose · 12/07/2019 23:30

Mock them back for being willing to ignore someone who is scared and needs help. I’ve got to be honest, I think I’d look at my husband a little bit differently if he refused to help someone when they needed a bit of support.

PIPERHELLO · 12/07/2019 23:32

@Bloodybridget - well done

Original poster
Yachiru · 12/07/2019 23:32

If i see something shitty going on it bothers me for days. Too sensitive.
My kids (especially my eldest) is the same, it's sort of worrying as she has no fear in confronting ANYONE if she thinks some kind of injustice has been made.
You guys are brave! Does anyone act and THEN realise how different (badly) it could've ended?

OP posts:
RubbingHimSourly · 12/07/2019 23:33

Do is a lot more wary. He's been attacked a few times when he's stuck his beak in........one memorable occasion he separated a man and woman fighting........the woman turned on him and attacked him with her stilettos. He was left with a corking scar and very nearly ended up in court as the woman claimed he'd sexually assaulted her. Luckily for him the whole thing was caught on CCTV as he had no witnesses.

31RueCambon · 12/07/2019 23:35

Yes I poke my nose in when I cannot hold back.

Recently, behind me on the bus, there was a big man and a woman hanging off the edge of the seat. She asked him politely to let her have a bit more of the seat and he snapped at her ''you don't have to be so rude''. I literally swivelled around and looked at him and said ''she wasn't rude, she was polite''. Woman quietly said thank you.

I am like that though. I cannot hold back.

Original poster
Yachiru · 12/07/2019 23:36

@Sn0tnose dh is a hypocrite as he does the exact same as me! It's just he worries more about my well-being than his own. He weighs it up as its not worth getting involved if my safety is sacrificed to help someone else. We've argued about it.

OP posts:
Stefoscope · 12/07/2019 23:37

I can see where your DH is coming from but I've done the same before a couple of times when I've seen young women being given abuse from men. Both times they've seemed very grateful and I'd like to think if I'm every in a similar situation, someone would do the same for me.