Have you ever defended a stranger?

[Yachiru]

Walking home and a young lad (no older than 18) was being started on by several men. No idea what led up to it, all I seen was this guy who was trying n ot to cry, desperately trying to calm the situation and begging these men to leave him alone. I went and asked him if he's ok, and can I do anything for him (got a load of verbal abuse from the group whilst doing so).
anyway, came home, told dh and he went fucking mental telling me I should never get involved, I could've been hurt etc.
I do get his point, but shouldn't you help? If you can?

Has anyone else been in this situation or similar?

My landlord intervened when a man was hitting a woman at Tottenham Court Road- London. Luckily he was a big muscle type as I don’t think he was expecting the woman to turn round and repeatedly stab him in the bag with her stiletto.

Quite a number of years ago a male friend of mine intervened when he saw a bloke hitting a woman in the street. I wasn’t there.
They were a couple apparently, they both turned on my friend and he was stabbed, he died two days later in hospital.
This was in the UK.

I do still intervene if I see a situation where I think it is safe to do so, but if I didn’t feel safe I wouldn’t, but would try and phone the police.

Yes. When DD was a wee baby I was dropping off DSs at a sports lesson and heard screaming and worked out it wasn’t a laughing fun scream but scared. Saw an SUV in the car park and approached the open door, it was a wife screaming her head off. I asked if she was ok and needed help. She didn’t respond but stoped screaming. Her daughter was there so I called her over and she looked petrified. The dad appeared and arrogantly told her to get back in the car. He was very smug and crapping in about how he was the one that needed help etc after I asked if everything was ok. There wasn’t any security where we were but I asked a member of the club for help and he offered to follow them home to make sure all was ok. I still think about them often and hope they’re ok and wish I could have done more. I was scared to approach (live in very pro gun state) but I just did it. I’d do it again.

Yep, can't help myself. Whilst working in pubs I used to walk home past the night clubs a lot so there are a few woman I've accompanied up to the taxi rank when they've been getting abuse off men, but to be honest that was mostly done by chatting away to them whilst ignoring the men rather than calling them out on their behaviour.

It has only gone horribly wrong once, I stepped in and gave a woman time to get away from a guy that was following her shouting threats, it was summer and I was wearing a logo work top. Next night he appeared at the pub and started mouthing off about how I should mind my own business then he pinned me to the wall by the throat. Apparently she was his wife and the reason he was following her was she'd left him and got a restraining order. My door staff had him out the pub before anything else happened but I was pretty shaken up that he knew where I worked, especially as I only had door staff at weekends, a quiet weekday shift I could well be the only person in the pub. Thankfully the CCTV was good and the police knew exactly who he was the second I played it back so it was all dealt with quite quickly.

I have intervened when a man was making sexually inappropriate comments to a woman who was sitting on a bus minding her own business.

When I was aged 18 to 24 I lived in a rough area and it was the thing everyone did. There was lots of abuse but always people would step in to end it. Even as a slight built young woman I would step in. I remember my first experience after moving to London of a fight breaking out on the tube and I stepped in and no one else did. I suddenly felt so alone and vulnerable. I have been scared and conflicted ever since then. Feeling I should but fearing I'd be on my own.

Yes. A guy was hitting his partner on the street outside my window. I opened the window & asked her if she needed to come inside. She ignored me & stared at him like a hypnotised rabbit in the headlights. (it was really disturbing to watch her react like that, like some petrified slave ), He stopped but ignored me. I told him I'd call 999 if he did it again & he walked off with her following. I wanted to call Police but as town High St is just round the corner they'd be well gone by time they arrived.

I have, and even though both could have ended badly I would do the same again. Both long stories, but ultimately I was shocked and appalled that despite plenty of other people being around, not a single other person tried to help me. Once was on a bus and everyone stuck their faces into their book as I tried to defend a man with learning disabilities against two very drunk and vile men, and on another occasion I challenged a group of homeless men who were picking on a woman in their group. They turned on me, I felt incredibly threatened, and a load of people coming out the train station just walked on by.

I'd be more cautious now, but would still do the same, what kind of a society would we be if let people get treated that way and not try to help?

I intervened in a road rage incident. A man in his 30s was trying to drag an elderly man out of his car window. I got out and asked what on earth did he think he was doing, he blustered a bit and I told him to get back in his car or I would call the police. He toddled off to his car. I asked the man if he was ok, he said he was. I should have called the police anyway, but I was about 18 and didn't have the sense to do that as well.

You never know what you are going to do in that kind of situation until it happens.

Thank you op. You make this world a better place!!! I can see your dhs point of view of course. But you... you are just great 😊

Yes, I actually did once, and I surprised myself because I'm really not that confident a person. Was out for a walk with two young DC and saw a woman with pushchair walking rapidly along and a man in a car "buzzing" her - driving fast up behind her and around and in front on her to cut her off. He then jumped out and started shouting at her really aggressively.

Was so scary and my kids were upset but I couldn't walk on by, so asked if she was OK (stupid question, obviously not, but you know). She said no and asked if I'd call the police. I didn't have my phone so couldn't, but I stayed and flagged down a car that did call them. All the time this man was ranting at her and shoving her and her baby was screaming.

Was awful. My DC were frightened. But now I know I WOULDN'T walk on by.

I often wonder if she's ok and if she ever left him, the horrible bastard.

I'm another one, OP. My parents both are, too (dad's a retired policeman but still can't stay quiet if someone needs help).
I lived in London for more than 10 years and had more incidents than I can count, the most recent was on a bus where a young Jewish woman was copping antisemetic abuse from a (turns out, mentally ill) man and I deflected it onto me but took his photo as he was leaving the bus. He then refused to disembark until I'd deleted the picture and I stalled him until the police arrived. Someone was filming from the back of the bus so I have it on video.

I wouldn't get involved with a group of men for reasons for dh said but i have pretended to be a woman's friend to get her away from a man or men harassing her.
I say "ooohhh!! Haven't see you for ages!" and take their hand and lead them away then make sure they don't want to be with the men and explain. I've done that quite a few times over the years.

Yes
Most recent ones were gang of teenage girls attacking another teenage girl (guessing 16-18 by where they were) 5/6 against one - they had her on the ground and were kicking her even in head area
Stopped my car - jumped out - put on my best head teacher voice which pulled them up short - they then ran off - I sorted victim out and called police

Also intervened with a couple a few weeks ago - he was pulling her hair out in handfuls and shouting abuse
I yelled to ask if she was ok and needed help which stopped him - I then told him what I thought n took her into nearest cafe - gave her phone number for DV services - she wouldn’t let me call police and I judged that it might have worsened her situation in short term

Well done OP I would have done the same. When I was about 18 I stopped a fella bashing seven shades out of his girlfriend in the middle of a busy street in Birmingham City Centre where people were simply watching and doing nothing - pre camera mobiles - had my BF with me at the time who did nothing to help and told me off for interfering . Called the police and gave a statement. Another time I shouted at a couple who had two small children with them and the man was hitting the woman I asked her if she needed help and reprimanded him for what he was doing he walked off she followed. Also back in my youth I stopped another chap hitting a woman on the dance floor (showing my age ) the bouncers were impressed as I'm only short but I can't stand bullies.

Yes I have intervened. If it was happening to a member of my family I would hope that someone would do the same. I hate to see vulnerable people backed into a corner by bullies. I actually don't even think about it until afterwards, it is a gut reaction. I realise it is very dangerous and I've been threatened myself but I could never turn a blind eye to it, never.

Yes, a young woman was being very roundly abused by a seriously nasty (and big) piece of work when she accidentally reversed into his heap of shit car, slightly nudging his bumper. There was no damage. He was shouting at the top of his lungs about how she'd stoved in his bumper. His harridan of a wife started in, plus the revolting little chip off the old block that was his justification for parking in the parent and child cark park - at least 10 years old. He was yelling at her, abusing her, in her face. I couldn't leave her alone. I asked if she was alright, she asked me to come over. It ended up with him physically assaulting me because I wouldn't let him get to this poor girl to physically intimidate and abuse her further. A Muslim brother came over to support her. (She was in niqab). My husband called the police in the end. I was fine until it was over, then I fell to pieces. DH, bless him, held me, and said 'don't ever change, love'.

Yes, on a bus in the northern Paris suburbs. I was the only white person, then an old white couple got on and the old woman began mocking two African women for speaking their own language. So I called her out on it and said I was not French either and did she have an issue with that? She stopped, and the look on the faces of the African women was priceless.

Never come across that situation but I've told people to move out of the disabled bay on the bus many a time and that gets you a dirty look

I have!
Admittedly it was only a group of teens so I didn’t see any threat to myself really. A group of girls from the local school had cornered a younger looking girl and were pushing her/calling her names etc. I got the older ones to leave and walked the younger one to the bus stop and waited until she was on her bus and to see the older ones didn’t get on the same bus. I did offer to call the girls parents if she wanted me too but she didn’t.

I can’t stand bullies, especially when picking on someone clearly younger/weaker.

Yes, I once stepped in when a woman was being attacked by another woman. I put myself between them so aggressor couldn’t reach victim. I actually thought she was going to punch me at one point because she was so enraged. Thankfully she made the right decision to walk away.

Stepped in on the school run when a young girl walked past being followed by a group of lads threatening to egg her of all things. Pulled them up on it, told them I best not see it again and walked her home, she'd been having problems with them all year, I told the mum to get the head to ring me and I would quite happily tell them what happened and ID the boys. The boys ended up expelled in the end.

Thank you to every one of you that has stepped in. I was attacked at 16 pretty brutally by a group of supposed friends, if I'd had my head stomped on just one or two more times I wouldn't have been waking up when I lost conscious. Several taxi drivers and men on bikes passing by stopped the attack.

Yes, heard a young girl getting absolute dogs abuse from an older man in the pub, called him out for the disgusting way he was talking to her, turns out it was his daughter!

Poor girl having such a horrible excuse for a father.

Also driving and saw someone lying on the pavement. Pulled over and jumped the railing to find it was a young girl unconscious. Phoned an ambulance, she came to and was violently violently sick, apparently she'd got refused from a club for being too drunk but all her friends went in anyway and left her (some bloody friends). She was bleeding (think she maybe fell) and the ambulance never showed up, had to flag down a passing police car then I felt awful as they had to put her in the cell bit of the van as she'd been sick all down herself

I have frequently got involved when men are being aggressive or trying to sexually harass other women on public transport.