Have you ever defended a stranger?

[Yachiru]

Walking home and a young lad (no older than 18) was being started on by several men. No idea what led up to it, all I seen was this guy who was trying n ot to cry, desperately trying to calm the situation and begging these men to leave him alone. I went and asked him if he's ok, and can I do anything for him (got a load of verbal abuse from the group whilst doing so).
anyway, came home, told dh and he went fucking mental telling me I should never get involved, I could've been hurt etc.
I do get his point, but shouldn't you help? If you can?

Has anyone else been in this situation or similar?

Yes, when I was 25 I was out with my friend, same age. Her sister's friends from sixth form were aged 17 and in the pub. They were in the pub and one of them was being picked on by a right fucking thug. I told the guy that this was my boyfriend and defused the situation. Quite funny really as the boy didn't even shave and looked really young, but I passed the test and the other guy left us alone. The poor boy was nearly crying afterwards and was forever grateful

@RubbingHimSourly similar thing here! Dude beating the absolute bejesus out of his gf(?). Dh wades in and pulls the guy off of her. The woman then starts attacking dh for 'hurting' her fella!

This is like a 'faith in humanity: restored' thread. You're stories are great

Depends, I've edged very close to a few Male-female situations before where I'm unsure if she's safe and given her the eye so she knows I'm there but I'm very small so would probably not intervene unless it was a child or someone vulnerable

Often find it's more dangerous for DP to step in when it's males though, I can sometimes diffuse the situation but I think they'd round on him and I'd be worried about stabbing a

I once saw a man collapse in the airport running for his plane after they kept announcing different gates at the last minute. There were staff nearby who stepped in to look after him so I went ahead and boarded with the other passengers.

Then we were all told we were waiting for one passenger who hadn't turned up at the gate.

10 minutes later the man who had collapsed boarded the plane, in a bit of a state. The flight attendants watched him and exchanged glances conveying annoyance that he had turned up late to derisive smirks when he struggled with his bags and bumped his head on the overhead locker whilst taking his seat.

I felt so angry on his behalf knowing the full picture, so I pressed the call button and discreetly but pointedly told the cabin crew exactly why that passenger was late. The smirks vanished and they were suddenly full of concern and attentive to him, checked he was OK and sure he felt fit to fly.

Well not exactly the same situation as OP's, I wasn't risking anything more than being smirked at behind my back for sticking my neck in I suppose.

Stabbings*

To be honest, I think it's easier for women to wade in. If the abusive person is male, he's far more likely to attack a man who intervenes, than
a woman who does so
I don't blame men for being more cautious.

Not to that extent but last weekend I was shopping and saw a woman who had tried on some shoes and sheepishly approached who I assumed to be her husband. She asked politely if they looked ok and he gave her a load of abuse, told her it didn’t matter what shoes she wore as she’d still be a ‘fat cunt’ and to ‘hurry the fuck up for fuck sake’.

As he barked at her she jumped out of her skin and scurried away to get the shoes off, returned and said it didn’t matter and she’d leave them.

I stopped her and told her I thought she looked beautiful, the shoes really suited her and I wish I had her legs. She almost cried.

Not quite 'standing up' but I once stopped to talk to a girl who was sat on the pavement crying. She stoke £10 out of my outside pocket of my bag (designated taxi money).
If she's have asked me I would have given It, she was obviously genuinely upset. It's made me more wary for sure, but I don't think it would stop me doing the same thing again.

I'm another who can't keep my mouth shut.

DP does get annoyed but I cant help it.
I've gotten in to some arguments with people when I see them being vile to their dogs, when I've seen people be nasty to kids and when people are rude to staff in stores.

Luckily never been in a situation that I felt dangerous but I'm sure I'd stick my big nose in then as well. I'd hate to be in a situation hoping someone would help me and being ignored.

Iv stepped in a couple of times, most recently I happened to be talking to my (vulnerable) neighbour at her garden gate, she had mentioned previously that a particular male neighbour had kept shouting at her and she felt intimidated by him but was too scared to say anything incase he hurt her. This particular man dickhead just happened to start shouting at her while I was standing there (I think because he knew she was too vulnerable to stand up for herself) I saw her immediately shrink in fear but due to the angle he hadn't noticed I was there so I leaned over the gate and said who the fuck do you think you are talking to like that, he at first looked shocked and caught out but then obviously turned on me and I just said that's right you're finally trying to pick on someone your own size, you won't scare me! He eventually backed off once he realised I wasn't going to be intimidated screaming that I was a bitch and I'd better keep my doors locked, he could make it so I disappeared etc etc.

Anyway the girl next door caught me a few of weeks later and said thankyou because since that day this guy had given her dirty looks but now left her alone and she thinks it's because he knows I'm not alone now.

He still stares at me but he's pretty much left me alone too

I agree men are more open to attacks.
When I was younger, I used to get more shit from men than women due to my size (tall, 'sturdy'). Girls were a lot more wary of me. When I was a teen I was surrounded by a bunch of boys from my school, robbed, spat on and beaten up in the middle of the city centre during the day. People were standing around watching lol, no one helped, nor d id anyone ask afterwards if I was alright. I couldn't watch someone else get hurt and not intervene/get help

What happened to the boy OP?

Yes, I have. I cant seem to help myself. I've been called all sorts of names for (as someone once said to me) 'sticking my nose where it's not wanted'.
But there is a reason I always get involved.

Years ago, I lived in a flat in terraced houses. It was summer so had all windows open. I heard screaming and I thought it was kids playing in the alleys.

Later that night, police knocked on the door and explained a woman had been murdered and asked if I had witnessed anything. Turns out it was her husband who had killed her.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but to this day, I still feel shit that I didnt go out and see who was screaming, maybe I could have helped her.

@rededucater I think I embarrassed him lol. Once I'd finished speaking to the men he went into a shop. I poked my head round the door and asked if he was alright now and he said he was and thanks. The whole thing happened near a pub (shop next door to it). A couple of the men walked off through a carpark and the rest went I presume went into the pub, but theh were gone when I left the shop

*rededucator haha

Several times I have wished to intervene and haven't dared. Once when living on Cold Harbour Lane in Loughborough junction I lived ipisite some sort of drug house. No idea what stuff they were doing there, just that it was bad stuff. Several times in the middle of the night we would hear screams. Once a woman was dragged back in to the house by her hair while she screamed. Another time a man ran down the street screaming "help, please!" As another man chased hin with a chain he was beati gr him with. Both times I didn't dare call the police as I was so scared of the people there, who would surely know who called as I had turned the light on and twitched the curtain.

A decade later and in a usually very safe part ofa USA city, I was woken at about 4am to a car squealing into the side road we lived on. A man leapt out and was screaming in terror. He was begging for his lifee.4 men leapt out and grabbed him and dragged him to the back of the car and threw him in the trunk. I knew I should call the police, that he had no hope at all if I didn't. But the angle I saw it from didn't show me a license plate, I had no idea what the car type was or anything other than dark car and terrifying men. There was no ctv around either. I decided with three very young kids and as a non citizen with few rights, I couldn't risk becoming a witness in a court case especially if it was mafia of some type. I am totally sure that man died. Nobody screams like that if they expect to live. I hate knowing I should have done something.

And that is basically the problem with living in the States. You have no idea who is armed. So standing up for people is risky. Just last week a small road rage issue over a parked car lead to a man chasing down a family and shooting into their car and explodinng fireworks and severely injuring the children. Could anyone have intervened? Probably not, they would likely have been shot and killed. Good samaritans die here all the time. Hell, someone even got shot and killed because they were handing out $20 bills as a nice gesture in a pancake restaurant and didn't pay for one person's meal who felt entitiled to it. You can't trust people not to kill you for interfering. So I may be a total coward, but while I have kids that depend on me, my duty is to them.

Yes. On the train at Finsbury Park. Some young teenagers threatened to beat up and stab an old man. I stood in between them and asked how their mothers would feel to see them behaving like this, there’s about 20 of them and one old man, wtf where they doing with their lives etc. I was only about 25 myself. They said “you aren’t our mother, fuck off, you can’t tell us what to do” all the other kind of things kids say. I just continued publically shaming them in my loudest voice and looking them hard In the face. (I have a very strong cockney accent and don’t look as “hard” as I can sometimes sound when I get going ) I was in a little suit and heels. The little old man popped up over my shoulder to continue the argument once they had calmed down, “yeaaaah, that told you!” kind of thing, and I told him to pipe the fuck down as well. Everyone apologied and we all got off the train happily.

Well done OP, if more people helped one another the world would be a better place.

One more. A sex pest used to get on our bus. He used to sit next to young girls and whisper rude things and rub his leg on you. He sat down next to me and I shouted “DONT YOU FUCKING DARE SIT THERE” He got up and sat next to another girl. I stood up and said “And not next to her either!!!” He sat at the back.

I was only 16 so lots of people looked at me like I was a typical shouty piece of teenage scum but a woman said to me so everyone could hear, I’m so glad you told him that, he was indecent to my granddaughter last year.

When I hear questions like this I think about the wonderful woman who comforted Lee Rigby whilst he was bleeding to death and told his attackers to back off. What a heroine.

Well done to you too, OP.

Yes twice that stand out in memory. Once an elderly man walking his dog that I came across surrounded by a tons of young teens all of whom were whooping and shouting, I started filming them and said I had called the police, then walked the guy away ( it helped that I recognised one girl and said so, her mother was informed 🤬). Then once at the train station (6am!), the most godawful trio came into the waiting room and started on a young lad for no obvious reason - to be fair, they involved me as I looked up and one caught my eye...ready for work minding my business, think she thought I’d be an easy mark. I’m from the West Midlands, the original mouth first think later region so she had a bit of a shock!

Both times I reacted because it was obviously bullies targeting someone they thought of as weaker, I really hate that. Good for you OP

@flyingspaghettimonster I totally understand where you're coming from. Bil lives in the south and one of the first things he did was get a gun license. He explained it as ' when someone here breaks into your home, or attacks you on the street, they've got a gun and they will kill you'. It was hard to take him seriously until we went and stayed with him. We watched KKK members walking down his road, and when I asked how come they're allowed to do that, he told me tha t people have 'disappeared ' (recently) for asking ( KKK members) that same question.
Context is important. And when you have kiddos to protect it's a no-brainer.

Yes I have, a woman starting on her fella she was being vile! Turns out it was a survey and I was being filmed...it felt very real...I declined to be on TV as was mortified (and still am) of my size!!! I would step in if it was the other way round too...I hate seeing stuff like this.

The one thing that annoyed me was no one was saying anything and there were a few smirks because he was male I'm sure of it...no one should be treated/spoken to like that...she was pushing/shoving him and saying the worst things...I was on my own but didn't care...I might have been abit more wary if it was a group but who knows!