AIBU to be upset over mum’s comment at softplay?

[Denise3011]

This is more WWUD as I’m hurt by comments, but really didn’t know how to react or what to say - other than sorry!

Son is 2. We go weekly and although i had baby 3 weeks ago, I’ve kept to it because I don’t want to change even more of his routine - new baby has been a big enough change and I’ve had to temporarily stop some of his other classes etc.

Anyway, I had stitches after labour So I didn’t go inside the playarea as I’m still quite uncomfortable and stayed with pram in the viewing area to feed baby.

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

Admittedly he’s very boisterous but ridiculously friendly - he will talk and play with anyone.

he made friends in the main area with a boy, similar aged, maybe 2-3, and they were happily racing down the slides together. Then I heard the other boy cry because my son went down a slide after him and he hadn’t moved from bottom.

Other mum went in and comforted her son and told my son to be more careful.

They carry on playing but a little while later, other boy is crying again and his mum goes in and brings her son out.

She comes over to me and says ‘that’s the second time your son has pushed him over. He really should know better at his age. I’m taking him home.”

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

The mum replied, well he looks older and is too boisterous, you should be in there with him.

I explained I was feeding my newborn, apologised again and they left.

My son tried to say goodbye and other mum pulled her kid away and said ‘I don’t want you playing with him’

My son sadly asked where his friend had gone and I said it was time we went too.

Then I cried in my car.

Less than a month since baby so I’m a hormonal mess so maybe I am BU to be so hurt by her comments, after all her son was upset.

How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?
WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Feeling upset, judged and failing!

Allowing a 2 year old

To be fair if kids are in school, my toddler uses the bigger areas. But regardless of area little kids need to be watched

I think you need to find a different soft play, one with a 2-4 area maybe. We have this issue with my just-turned-2yo. She’s physically extremely confident and more than capable of making her way around the over 5s area. She also desperately wants to follow her older sister and she’s bored in the under 5s areas.

But she doesn’t understand the rules in the same way that a 5 year old would or have an appropriate level of awareness (turn taking, waiting for slides, watching and being careful of other children on rope swings etc) which means she can injure other kids or get herself injured.

So either i go with her, or we go to a softplay that has 0-2, 2-4 and over 5s sections. The latter place’s 2-4 section is more challenging so she can have fun but be safer.

I think you should cut yourself some slack you've just had a baby and you are still trying to do normal stuff . Can you avoid soft play until your more up for it and the baby is not feeding so regularly? It won't do your son any harm to miss soft play for a couple of weeks . You are hormonal and tired so easily upset but it's normal .

Oh , and to answer your original question about what would I do if my child was accidentally hurt- I would say "don't worry , it was just an accident " and probably apologise to the other parent because my child had not moved off the bottom of the slide quickly enough.

I’d like to add my opinion. In answer to your questions:

1. How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?

For me this always depends on the adult’s response. If they are apologetic and speak to the child about being more careful/not doing it again etc I’m ok. If they couldn’t give a shit, I’d be annoyed and probably let it show.

1. WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Apologise, speak to the child about what they did. If their behaviour doesn’t improve, remove them (leave). FWIW I don’t think you did anything wrong in not being inside with your child, but after the first incident you probably should have spoken to your child a bit more strongly and watched a bit closer. My son (age 1) was in an open plan soft play that we go to often. I was right by him. He went to wave at another child, only slightly bigger then him. This child gave him an almighty shove. Knocked him clean off his feet. Despite him screaming the place down, the adult with him didn’t look up from her phone. I spoke to her and asked her to supervise her child more closely. She apologised and said she would. She didn’t. The child then did the same to another child. This parent was not so understanding and tore a strip off the adult. Chalk this occasion up to experience and maybe take a break from soft play for a while until you feel better.

Op I'd like to say that I would always be kind when out and about to a mum with a newborn so frankly the woman sounds like a cow.

@Amibeingdaft81 how is the area relevant? When they were the only two children in the building and the other child was younger and physically smaller than my son?
I mentioned it because my son doesn’t use the under 5 area because he is bigger than other kids!

Eh if you should of been in with your two year old she should of been in with hers then she could of taught him to move off the slide like you are suppose to after going down and he wouldn't of been hurt in the first place.

I wouldnt worry about it op. Totally understand you being upset when you just had a baby. Just move on and forget it.

I'm sorry, OP, but I'm with those saying that 2 is too young to be left unsupervised. Really, it's really really little (I know it takes a while to realise this when you have an even younger one, and I suspect perhaps his height is additionally skewing your perception). I don't think the other mother was particularly kind, but at that age you still need to be right there, especially if your child is big for their age and therefore more liable to - entirely innocently - hurting smaller ones. I can also say that at 2, it won't hurt your ds to not go to soft play for a few weeks. 'Routine' is less important at that stage than it's always made out to be, and certainly when it's on a weekly basis - that sort of awareness doesn't kick in until 3ish IME. Or how about a sling? I used to bf mine in theirs (I appreciate that being fairly flat-chested is likely to have made that more feasible).

@shesAbelter - thank you. It’s just been one of those experiences.
I fully accept I’ve been trying for the last few weeks to just carry on as normal. - with toddler, at home responsibilities etc and it’s starting to wear me down.
I’m suffocating with mum guilt over the toddler and ensuring he life isn’t changed too much and trying to treat new baby like a first born with undivided attention :(
The best advice I’ve had on here today is to be kinder to myself - I know my son didn’t hurt that child intentionally. I actually believe he didn’t push him over at all but I didn’t and wouldn’t have said that to the mum.
I did apologise and she wasn’t watching her son either.
I’ve beaten myself up enough the last 48hours so I’m letting this one go!
Like someone said above - there’s much worse to come! Ha

Maybe she should be supervising her son if she’s so concerned about him.
When my son was at nursery, another boy punched and kicked him. The teacher was mortified and my son was really upset. The other boys mum was notified and came to me to apologise. Instead of being shitty, I suggested we get the boys together for a play date ( supervised). It worked brilliantly. The boys became brilliant friends and his mum was lovely. It happens with children but both children need to be supported and learn from it, not shamed for it. YANBU.

It is difficult OP but I have to agree that he needs to be supervised.
I think it is so good to are trying to keep a bit of the old routine for him with the new baby and it must be so hard!
But maybe you could join some of the other classes you mentioned instead? I believe at that age they need to be supervised in soft play sorry.
I had to stop going because I was tired of other toddlers being unsupervised and pushing my child and upsetting him. Once is an accident but they really need parents there that young.
She should supervise too but it was your son who did the pushing twice and made him cry, so sorry, I would have been upset too.

Personally I think grown adults crawling through soft plays after toddlers look utterly ridiculous. Give them some space and let them interact with others and suss things out for themselves.

Ridiculous comment when the toddlers in question are only 2- as a PP said, in soft play areas there are often 5-8 year olds in the under 3 areas jumping around and being boisterous and I personally think it’s more ridiculous to have parents at soft play paying no attention to their kids at all (not aimed at OP, completely different circumstances and you were paying attention from the side). This week i took my DS who is 2 to softplay and a boy who was easily about 5 was spitting on him and pushing him; his mum was texting and paying no attention and if I hadn’t been stood near DS I wouldn’t have seen the spitting and his speech isn’t advanced enough to be able to tell me what happened. So I’d much rather be the parent who looks ‘utterly ridiculous’ to someone like you than the parent that’s paying no attention to their kids.

Well bash on then, you're free to look as utterly ridiculous as you like.

I agree with you @GoBrookeYourself
Far too often parents sit on their phones or in some cases actually asleep in soft play areas.
Parents should parent their children from both sides. You certainly don’t ‘let them work it out for themselves’ at 2!!!

Ah fuck her OP. Her comment at the end was indeed shit. You were polite and time travel doesn't exist yet.
May you have cuppas aplenty tonight.

My small-for-his-age DS who is just under three is already bored by the toddler parts of the soft play. He’s absolutely fine in the bigger bits and as OP said, when it’s quiet it’s fairly safe. However there are some quite big drops or parts where he might get disoriented or could hurt himself with things like big swinging punchbag type things etc so I do go with him, especially if any older kids about. He also usually wants me to join in the play and I don’t give a shit if people think I look ridiculous.

I agree with you @GoBrookeYourself*
Far too often parents sit on their phones or in some cases actually asleep in soft play areas.
Parents should parent their children from both sides. You certainly don’t ‘let them work it out for themselves’ at 2!!!*

Do you not? Surely that's exactly what being a 2 year old is all about 😂

Anyway, my comments were directed towards the OP who has recently given birth and had an overzealous parent give her a hard time. Your snidey comments towards me in defence of your own parenting are exactly why so many people call MN a vipersnest. Awful attitude.

Surely she could’ve supervised her son? If she lets him on the older kids bit alone, she should be aware there’ll be larger kids playing. If she thinks it’s too risky she needs to a) stay with him or b) keep him to the age appropriate part.

@Notcopingwellhere - I don't think parents playing with their children look ridiculous. I think parents who follow their kids about when they are trying to play independently look ridiculous.

There are hundreds of activities for parents to play with and get involved with their kids. Softplay is the one, designated place where it is supposed to be safe to let them roam about on their own and play with other kids

think how you would feel if a significantly older looking child would have bumped into your kid, pushed him over etc while mum chills out in the cafe?
get a sling, newborn in the sling, and in you go

Do you not? Surely that's exactly what being a 2 year old is all about 😂

In the toddler area, yes. But in the older kids’ bit he needs more supervision.

Softplay is the one, designated place where it is supposed to be safe to let them roam about on their own and play with other kids
Again, only if they stay in the zone designated for their age.

Children do push. Some parents are just really weird and take these things really personally.