Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset over mum’s comment at softplay?

165 replies

Denise3011 · 12/07/2019 14:54

This is more WWUD as I’m hurt by comments, but really didn’t know how to react or what to say - other than sorry!

Son is 2. We go weekly and although i had baby 3 weeks ago, I’ve kept to it because I don’t want to change even more of his routine - new baby has been a big enough change and I’ve had to temporarily stop some of his other classes etc.

Anyway, I had stitches after labour So I didn’t go inside the playarea as I’m still quite uncomfortable and stayed with pram in the viewing area to feed baby.

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

Admittedly he’s very boisterous but ridiculously friendly - he will talk and play with anyone.

he made friends in the main area with a boy, similar aged, maybe 2-3, and they were happily racing down the slides together. Then I heard the other boy cry because my son went down a slide after him and he hadn’t moved from bottom.

Other mum went in and comforted her son and told my son to be more careful.

They carry on playing but a little while later, other boy is crying again and his mum goes in and brings her son out.

She comes over to me and says ‘that’s the second time your son has pushed him over. He really should know better at his age. I’m taking him home.”

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

The mum replied, well he looks older and is too boisterous, you should be in there with him.

I explained I was feeding my newborn, apologised again and they left.

My son tried to say goodbye and other mum pulled her kid away and said ‘I don’t want you playing with him’

My son sadly asked where his friend had gone and I said it was time we went too.

Then I cried in my car.

Less than a month since baby so I’m a hormonal mess so maybe I am BU to be so hurt by her comments, after all her son was upset.

How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?
WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Feeling upset, judged and failing!

OP posts:
francescadrake · 12/07/2019 15:47

I would have said something, OP. Those play areas aren’t for 2 year olds who don’t know how to behave on slides. I get that you have your hands full at the moment but if you look at it from her perspective, her child was pushed by yours twice. OTOH, he probably shouldn’t have had the opportunity to push the other kid over twice, because the other kid should have been supervised as well.

WorraLiberty · 12/07/2019 15:48

He really does need to be supervised OP.

I know you have your reasons for not doing that right now, but that's no comfort to the other child or his mum.

krustykittens · 12/07/2019 15:50

I have to agree with everyone else, OP, he needs supervising, he is too little. I know you are trying to make things as easy as possible for him with a new baby on the scene, but you also need to be kind to yourself! Maybe give soft play a miss for a while?

NoSauce · 12/07/2019 15:51

He’s 2 years old, which is too young to be unsupervised at soft play especially if he’s in the older children’s area. Sounds like he was probably a bit rougher than you’re making out he was tbh OP. Probably best to stay away from soft play until you’re able to watch him closer.

QueenOfCatan · 12/07/2019 15:51

This is why my 2.5yo hasn't been to soft play for a while, I can't supervise her properly with my 12wo with us, you just can't in those places and they're at that age where they want to be in the big bit but you can't leave them to it.

pinkyredrose · 12/07/2019 15:53

Funny how girls are never described as boisterous. Or is it that such behaviour is stamped out in girls but let slide in boys?

Hope you're ok OP. It's probably a good idea to take someone with you to soft play or just not go for a while.

Fromage · 12/07/2019 15:54

Why wasn't the other mum in there protecting her son? I've done that, when I can if there's been a bigger/more boisterous child in there. Obviously OP you couldn't go leaping about soft play with a newborn (congratulations!) and stitches. Frankly, that you have left the house makes you superhuman so let's just assume the other mum was having a shit day.

Think no more about it, be kind to yourself and don't stop going if it's not too much for YOU. Your 2yo will be fine if you don't go, he won't be in therapy for missing an hour in a piddle and dribble infested ball pit once a week when he was a toddler.

Other mum was having a crap day, was just sticking up for her child, 2yos don't behave perfectly and are unaware of their impact on their immediate environment and other kids, she might feel differently one day when she's in your shoes.

Forgive her, put your feet up and congratulate yourself on everything you've achieved today.

Celebelly · 12/07/2019 15:55

I think the problem is that the other mum was almost having to do the supervising that you should really have been doing (telling your son to be careful, having to watch out for him as well as her own child). I do sympathise but whether you have a newborn or not isn't overly relevant as either you're able to supervise properly or you aren't so don't go.
He's still very small to be charging around in there, especially if he's bigger than average and boisterous.

Maybe give it a miss till you're a bit more mobile and able to intervene quickly when needed! And a good excuse to avoid the hell that is soft play for a while...

Labmum · 12/07/2019 15:56

I've got a 5.5month old and a 3 year old. I don't take the 3 year old to soft plays unless I have another adult to help as I can't go in with the baby to help him/watch him if I need to. I tend to go to playgroups instead where there are other adults around to help if needed. It's tough when you have a baby in tow but maybe try a few other options. We go to a drop in gymnastics free play session which is great.

MonstranceClock · 12/07/2019 15:56

I don't think the other mum was rude, she was just direct, as I would've been too. A 2 year old who is twice the size on a normal 2 year old needs extra supervision as they're likely to cause a lot more hurt.

Cornettoninja · 12/07/2019 15:56

Tbh I don’t think anyone here is in the right. 2 yr olds do need a bit of nudging and supervision whilst they’re playing but the other mum was being precious and really quite spiteful in how she behaved. She’s going to run out of friends for her kid fairly quickly if she’s going to bear grudges like that.

I think most people would admit to instinctively getting riled when their child gets hurt, even unintentionally through play, but then most people understand kids just aren’t that aware at that age and temper their response.

School holidays are coming up anyway so soft play is going to be busier, maybe take the opportunity for a break from it all whilst your getting on with adjusting a bit.

Redwinestillfine · 12/07/2019 15:57

Go easy on yourself op, newborns are hard enough. I think maybe soft play was astro too far. I see your point about sticking to routine but really it won't hurt to just stay home for a bit and 2 is very young to be in soft play unsupervised ( even the 2 year old bit) Flowers

DuMondeB · 12/07/2019 16:00

Neither of you were particularly unreasonable, your two different daily realities just didn’t fit together well today.

Try and forget it, and maybe try and hang out with another mum friend who won’t mind supervising your toddler and her own, while you are feeding new baby etc?

Congratulations and happy healing ❤️

Lweji · 12/07/2019 16:00

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

He really shouldn't, as the type of equipment will be different and he isn't being supervised.

Make sure you can supervise him, or that he sticks to the youngest area.
Even if he's 4-5 size, he's still fine for the under 5 area, surely.

And you should make an effort to explain to him that he must wait for other children to move away.

I'm sure the other mum didn't think he did it on purpose, but the fact is that her child was or risked being hurt by your son. So, you should called him out, and explain how to use the equipment properly.

As it's so close to the birth and you're not yet physically able to supervise properly, then I'd limit my visits to soft play when I could be there with another adult to help (friend, relative or partner).

Lweji · 12/07/2019 16:02

Having said all that, I would have no problem in offering to redirect your son to the under 5 area and tell him to be more careful with the other children and to wait for the slide to be free. All very nicely. No need to get stroppy.

ComeAndDance · 12/07/2019 16:02

so the other mum wasnt there in the play are either? did i read that one right?
Did you see your son pushing the other child or are you relying on what the woman said?

Original poster
Denise3011 · 12/07/2019 16:02

Thank you for all the offers of cuppas! Desperately needed! Ha

I did apologise to her son and her when my son went down the slide too quickly. I also told my son to wait properly next time (although child was just sat at the bottom not moving) and he said sorry to the little boy and also went to ask him if he was ok - and he was - and said he wanted to carry on playing together.

His mother wasn’t in the soft play area either - she and her friend were having a hot drink and only entered when he cried - it’s open plan and on two levels so you can see the whole area without being in it.

Our children were the only two in there as it was wed at 10am.

By “boisterous” I mean not timid or shy just excited and playful - i was not using it as an excuse for bad behaviour.

On reflection I do need to supervise him more - however we have been going to this soft play for over a year, he’s confident on all the equipment so no worries there and he would go in alone when I was heavily pregnant.

I didn’t see what happened but when I asked my son he said they were running and both fell.

I hate confrontation so think we will give it a miss for a while

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 12/07/2019 16:04

You’ve had a baby, life for your son has changed. He needs to be supervised in a play area, what if he was the one being hurt or he needed rescuing from above?

It wasn’t the best decision was it? No one is perfect and you shouldn’t take the other mums over reaction personally, have you got anyone who can help you?

Lweji · 12/07/2019 16:05

And finally (sorry) I'd (and did) tell my son to vacate slides as soon as he got to the end. He got very conscious of letting other children have their turn.

It does look like neither child knows very well how to use the slide with other children around.

ComeAndDance · 12/07/2019 16:06

Even if he's 4-5 size, he's still fine for the under 5 area, surely.

My ds was really big for his age. he wouldnt have been happy in the under 2 area. Too big for the space and everyine else thought he wasnt supposed to be in there. Other children were weary because of his size, esp as he was just as 'gentle' as a 2yo can be (but it always looks more scary/rough when a big 2 yo runs aorund then when its a small 2yo).
Consequently my ds soent a lot of time in the bigger equipemnt, especially during term time as there wasnt any of the bigger children.Only 3 yo and under (as the others were all at school).

I have to say, i cant see the problem.

dustarr73 · 12/07/2019 16:06

Your son is still too little for the over 8 areas.They are much rougher and the equipment is not suitable for them.

Nothing worse than having a toddler in the older part when your kids are trying to play.

Plus the other dm was probably lucky it was only your son and and a bigger child going down the slide.

Fromage · 12/07/2019 16:06

Can we note that both children were in the older children's area, up to age 8, not the toddler area?

If you let your children go in there alone, you have to assume there will be bigger children in there and your child might get hurt. So you only let them in there if they are boisterous and sure-footed and confident.

If you have a quieter child, who doesn't have great balance/grip yet, then they're not ready for it. If you child is the boisterous one and they get hurt, you have to shrug and decide whether or not they are allowed in there alone.

2 year olds do lash out, I've told other 2 yos to be kind please, but I've also told mine to just not play with the child who's being rough. I think at that age, it's not the responsibility of just one parent.

Jellybeansincognito · 12/07/2019 16:06

(I have a 4yo and a 2yo) and don’t go to soft play on my own however, I can’t watch both from afar and every child deserves to be able to enjoy the space, children bicker and can push etc- they’re learning and need guidance.

Gustavo1 · 12/07/2019 16:08

I’m going to go against the majority grain and say Yanbu not to be in the soft play. You were there, watching, he was supervised. I have three boys under 5. I don’t follow them around a soft play. Those frames aren’t built for adults to be hulking around in.
Children need to learn to play with others. If you were watching and had reminded your son about playing nicely, then the other mum was massively overreacting!

ComeAndDance · 12/07/2019 16:09

so she was moaning that you dindt do what she didnt do either? does she think that her son is magically 'better' than yours and wouldnt as 'horrible'. If so, she is deluded.

My reading of that is that both children dont know the 'rules' of using the slide and both children needed maybe a bit more supervision.
However, there was no real harm done and I cant really see the issue there. Your ds reacted well and asked if the other cild was ok. You apologised. Just move on.