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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset over mum’s comment at softplay?

165 replies

Denise3011 · 12/07/2019 14:54

This is more WWUD as I’m hurt by comments, but really didn’t know how to react or what to say - other than sorry!

Son is 2. We go weekly and although i had baby 3 weeks ago, I’ve kept to it because I don’t want to change even more of his routine - new baby has been a big enough change and I’ve had to temporarily stop some of his other classes etc.

Anyway, I had stitches after labour So I didn’t go inside the playarea as I’m still quite uncomfortable and stayed with pram in the viewing area to feed baby.

Son is very big for his age, wearing age 4/5 etc. For that reason He doesn’t stay in the under 5 area but is happy to go into the main section (upto age 8), often on his own.

Admittedly he’s very boisterous but ridiculously friendly - he will talk and play with anyone.

he made friends in the main area with a boy, similar aged, maybe 2-3, and they were happily racing down the slides together. Then I heard the other boy cry because my son went down a slide after him and he hadn’t moved from bottom.

Other mum went in and comforted her son and told my son to be more careful.

They carry on playing but a little while later, other boy is crying again and his mum goes in and brings her son out.

She comes over to me and says ‘that’s the second time your son has pushed him over. He really should know better at his age. I’m taking him home.”

I apologised but added he was only 2 and I’m sure he hadn’t pushed him over on purpose.

The mum replied, well he looks older and is too boisterous, you should be in there with him.

I explained I was feeding my newborn, apologised again and they left.

My son tried to say goodbye and other mum pulled her kid away and said ‘I don’t want you playing with him’

My son sadly asked where his friend had gone and I said it was time we went too.

Then I cried in my car.

Less than a month since baby so I’m a hormonal mess so maybe I am BU to be so hurt by her comments, after all her son was upset.

How would you react if your child was unintentionally hurt by another kid?
WWUD if your child accidentally hurt someone?

Feeling upset, judged and failing!

OP posts:
ComeAndDance · 12/07/2019 16:11

Btw YANBU not to be in the play area with your ds.
he is clearly confident enough. There wasnt any much older children there (even though the woman probably thoiught he was 4~5yo, hence she got quite irritated and exected more from your ds than hers).
I had no issue leaving mine to it at at that age.

Lweji · 12/07/2019 16:16

Even if he's 4-5 size, he's still fine for the under 5 area, surely.

My ds was really big for his age. he wouldnt have been happy in the under 2 area.

This boy is 2, with 4-5 size. Your example isn't comparable.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 12/07/2019 16:21

Other boy was being a bit delicate, mum was mean and super precious specially considering your son wasn’t being nasty you saw what happened and if you had said “ be careful wait till other boy is off the slide” she may not have being ott

Shake it off

Isaididont · 12/07/2019 16:23

I think the other mum was being quite precious. So her son was bumped a couple of times by an excitable kid? Isn’t that just what happens in soft play?! If I were her, i’d minimise it to my child and just say “never mind! Let’s get up and keep having fun!” unless of course they were badly hurt but I doubt that was the case in this case. Instead she’s modelling to her child that we should get upset and worked up with a massive sense of injustice over every little thing!
With your son looking older than he is, however, I guess you’ll have to get used to strangers assuming he’s older and expecting more of him because of that....

NannyRed · 12/07/2019 16:34

Life’s not all rainbows and unicorns.
Ignore her, don’t give it another thought. You have got so much worse to come.

Fundays12 · 12/07/2019 16:35

Sorry but at 2 he needs to be supervised particularly if you know he is boisterous. My 2 year old son isn’t boisterous but I wouldn’t let him play unsupervised in soft play (or any group activity etc). I am not criticising as my older son was boisterous but was small for his age so tended to end up hurting himself rather than another child. It did make me very aware though that I needed to supervise him.

The mum gave you a chance but her child got hurt twice. I would have taken my toddler away too as I don’t see why he should get hurt because another parent has chosen to use softplay whilst unable to supervise there child. Other children shouldn’t be getting hurt because you are not able to supervise your child and as you didn’t witness what happened maybe your child did push the other child. You need to avoid going to soft play till you are healed or take someone who can supervise your 2 year old.

EssentialHummus · 12/07/2019 16:36

I’m also wondering why the other kid was in the main under-8 area, unless I’ve misread that.

restingpigeon · 12/07/2019 16:41

you've got a newborn, don't spend much more time thinking about it - my 2 year olds wouldn't have been able to get around an under 8 area without being hurt by other kids or falling but yours sounds generally fine - I do think perhaps you should've removed him to the under 5 area after the first incident so he learns to be more careful but it's one of those things we all get wrong with hindsight.

restingpigeon · 12/07/2019 16:42

I've never been to a softplay where the age ranges were properly respected - always big kids causing havoc doing big jumps in the ballet for the under 3s at ours and the staff come over every 20 mins but they get right back in as soon as the staff person moves away...

Yabbers · 12/07/2019 16:43

By “boisterous” I mean not timid or shy just excited and playful
Another set of excuses. He hurt another, much smaller kid twice because he wasn’t careful, by doing something he should be taught not to do. I’m assuming since you go there a lot, he always does this and should know better by now. If DD had done this more than once, she’d have been told she had better stop of we weren’t coming back.

Other boy was being a bit delicate, mum was mean and super precious

A kid is precious because they are upsets another kid twice their size knocks them over twice? I presume you’d say the same if were a girl he were hurting?

Life’s not all rainbows and unicorns.
Sure. Little kids just have to learn bigger kids will hurt them.

YouokHun · 12/07/2019 16:44

I haven’t RTFT but is there someone else who can take him there for you OP, who will be hands free to manage him? My son was like this, huge for his age and he just couldn’t deliver the behaviour expected of him by others who thought he was older. Still got the same problem now he’s a 6’ 4” 14 year old who looks 19! I was lucky because my DF or DM would take him and watch him like a hawk when I was in exactly your position. You need to recover too and get to grips with having more than one child on the go. You’re not failing, you’re just grappling with a new dynamic, many of us have been there. And if you were judged? So what? If she thinks you’re the worst mother in the world so what? It’s an imperfect business, being a parent, I’ve tried it 4 times and am still messing up the job after all this time, though despite it all my DC are turning out OK. I’d give this sort of situation a miss for a few weeks until you’re in the swing of it and physically recovered. Your DS will be fine.

yourestandingonmyneck · 12/07/2019 16:51

Personally I think grown adults crawling through soft plays after toddlers look utterly ridiculous. Give them some space and let them interact with others and suss things out for themselves.

Therefore, I defo don't think you need to be in there with him and I think the mum was unkind to you. Don't take it to heart. However, you do need to keep an eye on him from the side. After he bashed into the boy the first time would have been the time to say / do something. These things happen, but I'm guessing the other woman's frustration came from the fact that it happened twice and you hadn't had a word with him.

If he really is the size of a 5 year old but is only 2, you really do need to keep and eye on him and teach him to be careful around smaller kids. But as I say, don't take it to heart x

Benjispruce · 12/07/2019 17:02

Come on OP! Age restrictions are not just about size but maturity and understanding!!!

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 12/07/2019 17:02

Personally I think grown adults crawling through soft plays after toddlers look utterly ridiculous.

until parents supervise their much older kids, it's just good parenting Hmm
Fine to leave 2 kids of the same age together, but a 2 year old doesn't learn anything from being pushed around and bullied by a 7 or 8 years old.

Not about the OP obviously.

I can't believe posters who feel the need to insult the other woman, it's ridiculous. Her child gets hurts twice by an unsupervised bigger kid - who look years bigger, she removes him. What else is she supposed to do.

Benjispruce · 12/07/2019 17:03

YABU, if you can't supervise, don't go.

MrsLinManuelMiranda · 12/07/2019 17:03

Don't really get why everyone is berating the OP, saying her larger than his age child should be careful around younger kids. He was in the play area for older (and presumably bigger) kids, who should be more use to a little bit of expected accidental bumps. Perhaps the other mother should not have let her smaller child in the soft play unsupervised if she did not want him to get accidentally hurt by children who obviously would be bigger/older.

Original poster
Denise3011 · 12/07/2019 17:04

They were the only two kids in the building - and the other child was also in the main/older age area.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 12/07/2019 17:04

He wasn’t in the right area and should have been supervised. It’s shit you have stitches and for that reason you shouldn’t have brought him to softplay if you couldn’t supervisez

Benjispruce · 12/07/2019 17:04

He was in the play area for older

Exactly. He isn't ready.

Original poster
Denise3011 · 12/07/2019 17:11

@benjispruce But so was the other child? Who was the same age - and the only two kids in the building?

OP posts:
NigesFakeWalkingStick · 12/07/2019 17:11

Sorry, going to have to chime in and agree with those who say your 2 year old should either be supervised a bit closer or someone should be with you when you go. I have a nearly 3 year old and there isn't a chance in hell I'd be leaving him to his own devices in an under 8's soft play, but that's just me.

I do think the other woman was a bit OTT though, accidents happen. But it's hard to be the parent seeing your child be hurt, it's happened to me when a bigger and more rough older/bigger child has knocked my son down.

Maybe wait a little while longer until you're healed a bit better and can move around a bit more freely to supervise. Got to hand it to you though, 3 weeks after labour I was still slobbing around in my nightie Grin

herculepoirot2 · 12/07/2019 17:14

But so was the other child? Who was the same age - and the only two kids in the building?

But to be fair, OP, the mother did speak to you about your child’s conduct in the play area. I agree she should also have supervising her child, but your child is - you’ve said - really big and boisterous and obviously doesn’t understand how to behave yet.

WorraLiberty · 12/07/2019 17:16

Frankly, that you have left the house makes you superhuman so let's just assume the other mum was having a shit day.

Do people really think like that? Confused

I'd guess the vast majority of mums leave the house with a 3 week old baby. I mean how do you think they get the school runs done?

Obviously I'm talking about the vast majority and not those who are unable to walk etc, for medical reasons.

But 'superhuman' is a bit of a strange reference.

Benjispruce · 12/07/2019 17:16

I agree her son shouldn't have been in there either unless it was empty when she arrived. But it was your son who was causing the issue.

Amibeingdaft81 · 12/07/2019 17:25

The age guidance is not purely physical. I can’t believe you thought allowing a 3 year old (a 2 year old!!) in to the older area was sensible.