AIBU to send a snotty email to school?

[Dontbestupidagain]

My DD is in year 6 of a small school. She is very capable - greater depth in sats results and has a place at a very competitive grammar locally. The rest of her cohort are low ability and there is a high percentage of SEN. This hasn't been a problem generally and I have always felt the school have provided challenge for DD. Today however we had a conversation about what she had been doing at school. She said that in maths she went on the computer like always. I asked what she meant and it turns out that for the last three weeks she has been playing two maths games on the laptop as what the others are doing is too basic for her. She doesn't have a problem with this and has enjoyed it but she has had no teacher input or actual teaching herself. I'm pretty pissed off about this. I understand that she is more capable than the others but she has a right to be taught and stretched too. In my mind they should be setting her up for a strong start at secondary, plugging any gaps they feel she might have and building her confidence. Instead she has had nothing. I am going to write an email but just wanted to check that I'm not being over-zealous in my reaction. AIBU?

I am actually quite bitter about what has happened with my DD and this has compounded those feelings

For all that I think your OP was U, you've taken other people's opinions on the chin and accepted that sending the email isn't a good choice. You don't sound like a terrible helicopter parent, just a parent who expects good things for your child, which is never a bad thing.

I do agree that sometimes those 'high achievers' can get ignored. They do sometimes fly under the radar and get fewer house points etc simply because their teacher comes to expect their constant good behaviour; we have a high-flying second child and his school experience of school has been spectacularly different to bright-but-has-to-work-for-it DS1 whose ASD means he's much more noticed in class. Hopefully she'll be recognised more at her new school and encouraged to always be the best she can be.

And people wonder why teachers get signed off with stress-related illness.

OP - what exactly do you hope to achieve by complaining? How will it benefit your DD or any future pupils?

Since Sats my son has been pretty much doing the same.
They've also been practising their Year 6 play (which was fantastic) having extra playtimes, watching films etc basically a lot more relaxed than before sats.

He is happy, his classmates are happy and teachers are happy. Year 5 and 6 have bern stressful for various reasons. I appreciate the effort made by all the staff before sats and I appreciate that they are now allowing children to relax and have fun before they leave.

Your daughter is 10/11, she deserves some fun downtime as do all children her age. Its nice if they can leave school with some memories of having fun privileges in Year 6 that they have earned and the other years dont get.

You sound utterly snotty in your OP but the worst thing you could do is send school an email showing how ungrateful you are. Your child didnt just achieve GD off her back. I'm certain it took a lot of input from her teachers too.

After you update I honestly get why you are unhappy with the school, but all those are things that should've been tackled at the time, not with one week left, there will be no improvement for your daughter or any action taken due to your email. It will just be a way to vent all your frustrations.

I spent all of year 6 in the "art corner" as the school I moved to didn't have the level of maths or English books that I had been doing at my previous school and didn't want to buy them in for me, as they would clearly never get used again. I was given some spellings once a week but otherwise totally ignored. I took my 11+ from basically my year 5 knowledge and got into the school. Was totally and utterly bored out of my brain (literally) but didn't do me much harm it seems.

Please answer this OP

What is the name of the "game" your DD is playing?

And, if it is not a game but a learning tool such as IXL or Khan, why would you prefer it printed out in paper rather than on the screen? It doesn't make it less valid.

If it is just angry birds then you have a valid complaint, but I doubt it.

Do you credit the school with getting only your daughter through her SATS? Do you think they might have helped her in some way?

Give your child a break and the staff the credit they deserve, they’ve got your child to the standard she’s at now and the games will just be a way of consolidating that. Unless you’re paying them for private tuition I don’t think you get to choose the material the teachers use.

It’s the last few weeks of term, stop being awkward. If you’re really not happy then go in and speak to the staff like a grown up instead of hiding behind a keyboard and being snotty, these teachers have done a lot for your child.

I think all the snottiness was in your MN post so none left for the teachers.

Your high ability child should have no trouble settling into secondary without a week of extra primary school teaching. Clearly, she doesn't need it so allow the mere mortal low ability children to have their time.

Besides, your DD deserves a bit of a rest after SATs and before grammar. Give her some space to breathe - please don't be that pushy parent.

Don’t bother complaining.

There are two weeks left of term. Your daughter is out of there and on to a selective school where she will be taught and pushed.
Zero point getting stroppy at this stage.

I couldn't get worked up about this happening in the last few weeks. If she's got any gaps in her knowledge at this stage, they'll still be there after the summer. Give your child a break! And don't spoil her last days at the school by letting her leave on a low.

It's probably mathletics, OP, or something like that. No big deal.
She'll be challenged in so many ways in year 7. It is a huge transition and I'd let your DD enjoy winding down now, because year 7 is huge, emotionally.
After all these years at her primary school, let her leave on a good note.
You had years to pull her out of this primary school. Why cry over spilled milk that's already been wiped clean?

a very competitive grammar

Is there such a thing as a non-competitive grammar?

Writing to complain about maths teaching in last 3 weeks of year 6 = pointless
Writing, in last week of Year 6, to say that you are unhappy with the way your DD has been treated across her time in these school = equally pointless

The point of complaining is not to have a rant but to change something. In the first case, there's no real issue, and for the second case you are far far too late for it to make any difference.

Is there such a thing as a non-competitive grammar?

Well, I lived in an area that had 5 grammar schools in a few-mile area, so anyone above average could get in no problem. It also meant the comps were dreadful, one had a 5% GCSE pass rate.

There are (approx) 5 days left of school before teh summer holidays, do you really want to bow out of your daughter's primary school being labelled 'that parent'?! As far as I'm aware from when our older two finished primary school, once the SATS are done, and the PGL week, leaver's play rehearsals, last sports day etc etc are accounted for, they do shag all work anyway. For what it's worth, one of our older two is a very academic child, one less so but still gets the grades, and the lack of work for the last 4 weeks of primary haven't impacted on their senior school performance in any way, shape or form.

Umm OP - I think you have left it too late. I emphasise as DS is bright and is in a class where there are very mixed abilities and SEN pupils. sometimes I think he is left alone to get on with it too much and is not stretched. I believe that teachers often teach to the middle and that schools do not have the resources to stretch the able. I have let a lot of things go in the last year but will be insisting on more input in the next

Small school, limited resources, last fortnight of term/academic year, she’s going to secondary in September and you sound like a bit of a prick. HTH.

OP I do hear where you are coming from but suggest a word with daughter's teacher about the maths "game" might yield more fruit. Not a teacher myself, but remember asking my dd's teacher what happens re teaching/learning after Sats and was told basically The Play, sports day, fun activities etc. My two are also headed to grammars and have attended very mixed ability primary (aren't they all really?) and loved every minute. I have had moments when I know they have been left to their own devices and not had teacher's attention over last 7 years, which was frankly admitted by teacher at parents evening. Resources are so limited though I can see why choices have to be made. I hope that when in grammar if my kids need more support they will have the resources directed towards them. For now however, they are loving the plays, sports etc and spending the last few days/weeks with their classmates , many of whom they will not see regularly again. This is an emotional time for them when friendship groups part ways and I have come to realise only recently that it's OK to drop the academics and enjoy this precious time with their friends.

I disagree that teachers teach to the middle. The requirement to ensure that every child makes progress means that every child has to have work that helps them to learn.

OP, where I think your school has fallen down, is perhaps in assuming that your child will learn easily and that that will be sufficient motivation, without the accolades that others have had and perhaps need, if they find learning difficult.

She doesn’t and for that I would be grateful. I wouldn’t send an email at this stage, unless you wanted to wish the school community a pleasant holiday. I would also bear in mind that she has been a big fish in a very small pool. At her competitive grammar, there will be lots of children as able as she p. She might find some things difficult then, whereas until now, it’s been easy for her.

At dds school they’ve learnt almost nothing academically since Sats. They have had a school residential, put on a play and the last day is all about amassing as many signatures as possible and signing each others autograph books. It’s totally normal.

They do set all of the children in maths. 3 sets actually. I only learnt to my surprise she was in the bottom set for the whole year.... because she’s a perfectionist I expect. And because I haven’t hothoused her. Last year she was in the top set and did very well. I’m not happy at all. But have let it go. She passed all her sats btw. There things at par for the course in a school setting. Glad to see ur letting it go.

I am glad you are not emailing. However I think you do need to prepare yourself for the fact that if she is going on to a grammar the other kids will be as clever as her and maybe more so or maybe not. In a cohort where she may be of a similar standard she won't always get attention, housepoints, rewards etc. It might be best to appreciate this now.

(My son was the good, clever one who never got merits whereas "Charlie" got one for sitting still today - I always sit still Mum!")

Hmm! Let's see, in a class of children who struggle you have a DD who has achieved well enough to get into a grammar school. And you want to complain. Seriously?

Have a word with yourself.

The words you are searching for If you wrote to the school are THANK YOU in case you're not sure.

But you won't will you, you'll take their hard work for granted because people like you always do.

It's the last coule of weeks of Y6. Our lot have been doing art, playing outside and dissecting owl pellets ever since SATS. Chill.

Give it a rest op. I was always top of my class (no Sen in the classes either) it was always taken for granted that I would do well, I never got ‘teacher time’. You do realise it’s not just the teacher’s jobs to teach your dd right? It’s also yours. If you’re worried that the end of term hasn’t prepared your dd then go through some math theorems & equations with her yourself.

YABU. My son smashed his SATs, got high achieving scores across the board, and is LOVING the extra perks of these past few weeks. I don't see the need for teachers to drill extra maths in the last week of school.

Finding it a bit difficult to get over the tone of your post mainly because my high achieving son is autistic.