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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What makes a person ‘posh’ ?

147 replies

ethelfleda · 11/07/2019 17:30

Yep - blatantly inspired by the other thread!
What do you think makes a person posh? Judging by the other responses it’ll be no tattoos, no swearing and never visiting a Greggs Grin

(Lighthearted!)

OP posts:
BoronationStreet · 11/07/2019 21:00

Ooohhhhh my god! I posted before I read the responses. 😂

I absolutely love how many MNetters are so quick to let us all know that they're posh.

The reality is, who cares? Why are English people so obsessed with class?

I live in the Midlands, have a combined household income of well over £100k, and take several holidays a year. But I've also got 3 tattoos and I like to vape when I'm drunk.

According to the absolute twats on MN, I'm common. 🤷‍♀️

People say money can't buy class and I agree. But looking down your nose on everyone and judging people doesn't buy class either.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 11/07/2019 21:00

I think DH is posh.
I took him to Butlins Minehead under sufferance and Every. Single. Day. he has made us take a bleak hike over Exmooor.
Remember "Holiday Showdown"? That's what it's like.
Never seen so many Neolithic Barrows!

HeronLanyon · 11/07/2019 21:06

Posh and money is correlative, definitely not causative.

tierraJ · 11/07/2019 21:08

I'm working class but I'm classy rather than chavvy in my own opinion.

I have a crush on a very posh anaesthetist at work so hopefully he thinks I'm classy too.
Sigh.

JoJoSM2 · 11/07/2019 21:15

@tierraJ Fingers crossed for you Grin

StroppyWoman · 11/07/2019 21:17

"Never having to buy your furniture" was a definition that always made me grin.

My favourite furniture is the very cheap 1930s stuff from my grandmother. It's the shitty veneered stuff and my OH hates it but I love it. I'm pretty sure it's not the thing the Posh definition meant. Wink

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 11/07/2019 21:22

Having a title and a family tiara kept in a bank vault, brought out for weddings and balls only. The big house in the country and the townhouse in London probably got sold years ago but the tiara is non-negotiable.

Using the word "marvellous" completely un-self-consciously.

tierraJ · 11/07/2019 21:23

Haha. Thanks.

But it's not going to happen is it?

In my experience posh doctors marry other posh doctors. They only sleep with women like me.

I can try really hard to emulate the posh female doctors- I've watched how confident they are, the way they gesture & how they stand, listened to how they talk & heard how educated they are but it's difficult to change your entire way of being...

Needtomovemore · 11/07/2019 21:25

Definitely subjective.

To most of the people in my town I’d be posh because I speak properly etc.

Anyone attempting to be posh or thinking about whether they appear posh definitely isn’t posh.

MitziK · 11/07/2019 21:31

Going by my extended DNA sharers, the black Lab is now something you get when you want to be seen as posh. They certainly aren't, but they've all got money - and four out of five of them have got themselves one.

Pity they don't seem to be able to teach the animals proper manners. (one has a liking for chickens and pheasants on the obligatory Sunday walk, one has 'introduced' itself to sheep in the next field when they are determinedly against sticking animals on leashes should have been fucking shot. The owner, I mean and the other two are decidedly 'bitey').

If I get another dog (haven't had one for ten years), it'll be my favourite breed but a poor example of conformation because of the general temperament and size (I don't mind wonky tails and wouldn't want a pup PTS because of it)- a Beagle - or whatever atrocious mixture of mutt I can have loping alongside me. I'm not about to spunk hundreds of pounds if not over a grand buy a lifestyle accessory, but somebody will have a 'bad' or accidental litter at some point.

I have no illusions about being posh or 'classy', whatever the fuck that is. I've got a reasonable standard of education, learned big words through reading them, not hearing them at home, so I say them with all their consonants, I resent the idea of having to buy five sets of something in the time one halfway decent set would last and get progressively more quiet and carefully spoken the angrier I get. Because it's far better for the health than screaming like a Banshee or, as was the case in the childhood house, bringing the fists and sticks out.

Cryalot2 · 11/07/2019 21:41

Accent , using certain speech, "One is terribly sorry old boy" ect
Private education.
Knowing how to behave socially and living that way even you are not rich.
To be comfortable in royalty and not be in awe .
Attend Henly and other.
Having certain names .

BigTubOfPringles · 11/07/2019 21:42

Private school, esp boarding school
RP accent
Big country house and/or spacious period house in a city like London or Edinburgh
Swishy hair if female
Confidence
Drinking fancy wine
Gap yahs
Shooting/hunting

prettywoman25 · 11/07/2019 21:46

The children have classy names, shop in Waitrose, John Lewis, educated, big house with land, go to Cornwall on holiday

babysharkah · 11/07/2019 21:47

Honestly, properly posh, don't give a shit about other people. Old cars, old big houses, signet rings.

TooManyPaws · 11/07/2019 21:54

As a teenager I lived in a village surrounded by estates, the landed gentry and aristocracy sort. (You'd see the local lord around in his overalls as he was restoring the family castle himself.) During university holidays, I worked in a shootin' and fishin' hotel. The staff always used to say that you could tell old money from new money as old money was used to having staff and treated them as humans whereas new money was rude as fuck. There was an old money family who used to visit for the fishing every year; during their visit one year it was one of the waitresses' 17th birthday and the following year they brought up with them an 18th birthday present for her.

LolaSmiles · 11/07/2019 21:56

I think there's different types of posh in my experience:

  1. The hyacinth bucket posh / decidedly middle class people who wish to be seen as upwardly mobile and affluent. I imagine them as the people on MN who claim shock that anyone wouldn't have 6 months of savings in the bank, consider private school an essential expense for having children and they shop at Waitrose and the sorts of farmers markets where potatoes cost £3 more a pound because they have mud on them and were displayed in a crate.
  1. The professional posh, well connected, privately educated, tends to only socialise with other equally posh people, tend to have the car and lifestyle to reflect poshness, goes to the polo or takes expensive gap years for example, tends to have lots of networking dinners and people call favours in to get their DC work experience and internships.
  1. The grounded posh. People who have a lot of wealth in their families but live in a nice home that's expensive, but drives a decidedly average car, has old worn Barbour coats and can probably be found volunteering at a local charity or cause over a pretentious black tie event. The grounded posh buy their 17 year old a car and driving lessons but expect their DC to get a part time job for petrol money and spends.
RedSheep73 · 11/07/2019 22:03

Unearned money, private education, accent that doesn't reflect where they're from.

LaurieMarlow · 11/07/2019 22:19

The poshest signifier I can think of is if a person distinguishes between wealth in capital and wealth in land.

I know one person who would do that. His great grandfather was an eminent public figure.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 11/07/2019 22:29

Emotional repression is posh.

My favorite thing about the coverage of Parliament during Brexit (basicly a bunch of people in an airless room, gradually going mad) has been watching very posh people struggling to contain strong emotions.

Especially interviews in the lobby after particularly trying debates.

Lots of facial twitching. Lots of deliberately slow speech, as though trying to maintain control.

The occasional MP from a working class background who will look at the camera and shout "This is terrible!"

IncandescentShadow · 11/07/2019 22:30

Theres degrees of posh, and contradictions. I don't think having a Masters degree from Oxbridge is in indication of posh, because the aristocracy rarely do that and often don't work full time for a living, but have estates to run. There are some people who are well educated who have their own kind of posh, based on being educated and working in the professions, but its a much less defined type of posh and changes from generation to generation.

My inlaws think they are posh. They are not. They were most put out when I came along (private school but minor one, erm Oxbridge Masters degree, horses), firstly thinking I would provide great wealth and free advice then becoming bitter and critical when I didn't. Quite awful. I'm not posh either but I show up their lack of poshness.

Indications of posh I would say are:

  • top school e.g. Eton, Harrow, Charterhouse, Benenden, etc..
  • country estate, or more commonly now, house within 1/4 mile of Eaton Square.
  • well brought up, doesn't descend into verbal abuse in times of disagreement, remains good mannered at all times, treating everyone equally (though there are some awful Scottish aristocrats outside Perthshire)
  • understanding of not showing off or talking about money
  • not spoiling children or buying them lavish gifts
  • having discrete affairs while married without it causing divorce
  • driving old, large, occasionally unsuitable cars - there is little more posh than driving your beautifully maintained Jaguar through your forestry
  • ability to socialise easily and network of friends all over the place
  • dogs in house, on sofas, weeing on carpets
  • not caring what people think and doing what you want
  • competitive sporting interests
  • multitude of different income sources, none of them salaried employment
  • if a qualified professional, retiring by 35 or so
  • no mortgage
  • gap year
  • as above, rather tight, especially when paying employees or getting a price for work required
  • being able to trace your family back to the Normans is useful. If you are one of the three aristocratic families who can trace their families back to the pre-Norman Anglo-Saxon aristocracy, then clearly you are posh (the Swintons, the Berkeleys, and I forget the other one)

Its important not to mistake money for poshness.

I actually hate how the class thing is still so strong in this country; I much preferred living in The Netherlands, where nearly everyone is middle class.

whattodo2019 · 11/07/2019 22:31

For a start anyone 'POSH' would be horrified by the word posh and consider it a terrible working class title..
Old money not new money
Privately educated
Part of the old boys/girls network
Swear like troopers
Live in a vast but often dilapidated house
Don't give a dam that they do the school run in their jodhpurs, usually look a total state but scrub up to look like royalty
In fact they know or are related to royalty
Definitely do NOT go on a cruise for a holiday but follow the 'season' Scotland Salmon fishing, polo, Wimbledon, shooting, skiing, sailing etc....
Defiantly had a mother who 'stepped out'
The list is endless.

BadLad · 11/07/2019 22:31

Having a casual attitude towards things generally considered posh is what makes someone posh.

Ohyesiam · 11/07/2019 22:34

Coming from a posh family makes you(one) posh.

BillywilliamV · 11/07/2019 22:36

Isn’t it taking the dishes out of the sink before you piss in it?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 11/07/2019 22:36

No swearing 😆😆

Accent and the way someone carries themselves - then the clothes, name, mannerisms, projecting voice and laugh Grin

You can often tell when someone has been to private school they certainly work hard on children feeling confident (being privileged isn’t to be mentioned)

My fiend and I felt like imposters last week at the school picnic most are old school posh neither of us are we just sound it but others can tell we are imposters Grin of course they don’t say anything

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