To say that my family will starve in the gutter

[LordScamperdale]

Before I buy bloody funeral insurance from that prat who grows too many parsnips!

I don't care how much it costs to bury/burn me, I'm not giving any money to any insurance company (can't even remember it's name) that is responsible for such shit.

Possibly I watch too much daytime TV.

Does he even have a wife? Maybe by "we" he means him and his long-suffering daughter. Maybe there will be a whole series in which they get it on, like the Gold Blend ads.

Never mind June, where's his wife, that's what I want to know.

I bet she's the one pushing up the daisies parsnips

I love parsnips. Can't get enough of 'em

AND I turn 50 in 2 weeks!!!

So I can get ALLLLLL the parsnips!

There was definitely a mum at one point , she was in the original advert with the daughter ( before she went off to be an MP and they got a new daughter) - I seriously watch too much TV

Doesn't he use them to make parsnip jam? I love parsnips and I love jam.... but

At least it's not as annoying (nearly, not quite) as their competitor's advert, where they say that your family can use the money for your funeral.... or for something else if they prefer.

Eh?! How does that work? Surely they still have the little matter of disposing of your remains, don't they? That doesn't usually come cheap, does it?

Are they planning on just popping you in the wheelie bin? Or waiting for a neighbour to get a skip and leg-and-a-winging you in at twilight - and then using the money from your plan to go out on the razz?

Floral she's just been to a funeral all dressed up in colourful clothes, not a black coat in sight, shameless.

At my parents (whonwatch endless reruns on Gold). How many equity release adverts can one channel have?

I get annoyed at the other one where they go on about how extremely generous Dad was throughout his life, but he didn't save for his funeral.

They could always have declined some of his endless bounteous munificence and insisted that he put it aside for his own end-of-life needs. But no, they were happy to take, take, take and now he's gone and they have to dip into their own pockets, they're all Daily Mail Sad Faces.

I wouldn't want to live next door to him. He used his money to buy new binoculars. I bet he is spying on June and trying to look into her bedroom window.

But sometimes you can get a FREE PARKER PEN just for enquiring!

But sometimes you can get a FREE PARKER PEN just for enquiring!

Where do I sign? No... wait... I haven't got a pen handy

Direct cremation costs vary. Where I live it will cost you £2k, because the council have some of the highest cremation fees in the country.

BBC Iplayer, Netflixs and Amazon Prime are your friend.

Otherwise just leave the house.

I think there's a massive conspiracy and a cover-up of the categorical scientific findings that have proven beyond all doubt that a chiefly parsnitarian diet will make you live for at least an extra 40 years.

The company is sending out the non-too-subtle message to people that they must eat parsnips, and copious amounts of them.

The current adverts are only the primary softening-up stage - soon, they'll have Ernest and June dressing as parsnips, living parsnips, thinking parsnips, breathing parsnips, mainlining parsnips.

Once you have the general over-50 population demographic well and truly addicted and parsnip-dependent, they will be powerless and like putty in your grubby corporate hands.

It's a fiendishly clever business plan:

1. Sell people the funeral plans at 50.
2. Corner the parsnip market and sell them at an inflated price.
3. Have the customers paying premiums for 90 years as they eat parsnips by the stone, living a sad parsnocentric existence before eventually dying at 140.
4. Buy Grand Nassau via an anonymous hedge fund linked strongly to the RPI (Retail Parsnip Index).
5. When the first tranche of purchasers are approaching 138, wind up the company and do a Robert Maxwell, which will only come to light approximately two years later.

It's evil, but it's clever.

To whoever suggested equity release - don’t. Martin Lewis doesn’t recommend it. My in laws did it, it was the worst thing they ever did.

If you want to save for a funeral, open a savings account. At least the money is still yours in case you want it for something else.

Cost of funerals is frightening. Work colleague’s dad has recently died and his funeral will be £7k and that’s no frills.

Does he even have a wife? Maybe by "we" he means him and his long-suffering daughter.

Don't be so ridiculous. By 'we', he obviously means himself and all of his little parsnip friends. They all have names, personalities, dreams, aspirations, hopes, fears and ambitions. Mainly that he won't give them to June and let her eat them.

I agree with a PP. That June looks like she goes.

@LadyBumclock I’m still trying to unclench my whole body after watching that

Some people really don't seem to get 'lighthearted', do they....?

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnASausageRoll he’d want to be careful though- if he spurns June too harshly, she might go all Glenn close and boil his parsnips.

LadyBumclock so basically someone can sever a femoral artery by hurling themselves through your greenhouse but you still get to loaf about on a lounger because you are over 50?

I'm far too invested in June and Dad. It helps the pain of it being on all the time. The thing that tickles me is that in one of the versions, she forgets her RADA 'comedy Northern' accent and says very, very plummily 'Are they difficult to arrange?' sounding Lady Bloody Bracknell. I often wonder why they never picked up on it and made her redo her line.

surely you can just bury them in the garden?