To think ‘Really?’ when a work colleague takes time off with her sick DDs.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

To be clear - I have no intention of mentioning/doing anything about this IRL, and I am very willing to accept I’m BU. I mainly just want to gauge if my scepticism is justified in any way.

A work colleague has two DDs, 15 and 17 - no special needs, no long-term health conditions, both in mainstream schooling, older one learning to drive. Whenever either of them is off school with a minor illness - heavy cold, stomach bug - she calls in to claim emergency carer’s leave and takes the day off with them, sometimes two days. This happens once every two or three months, with either girl, not just one in particular, so we have to pick up her work.

Now my DCs are only 7 and almost 5, but I was very much hoping that by the time they’re in high school, I’ll be able to confirm they can access the loo, food and fluids, then leave them at home by themselves and not pass my workload to my colleagues and make it into work. My mum did this with me from the age of 12 possibly even younger

AIBU to think 15 and 17 year olds are old enough to look after themselves when they’re a bit unwell, or is this one of those parental care things that has changed since I was a teenager? Or is it a ‘depends on the child’ thing?

My DC will probably never live independently never mind in another fucking county

Drip, drip, drip. You couldn't have said that in your first post no? Here, have some attention.

Not sure why you think the age is what dictates whether this person needs someone around

Oh come now! Both her teens need mummy around when they've got the runs?

Nah.

Drip, drip, drip. You couldn't have said that in your first post no? Here, have some attention.

Erm, nasty much

I never mentioned it because my entire point was not to judge shit that you know fuck all about.

The poster who made the comment about the country previews exactly what I was saying.

Piss take i think. We ve got some lovely sunny weather here and the "sick" rate at our school has definitely gone up!
My dd has a fear of vomitting so if it was a serious sto mach bug and she was a teen maybe i d take a day off but i think mostly as long as youre contactable via text etc leaving that age alone with minor illnesses is fine.
Different if additional needs or younger children obviously.

@Rainonmyguitar

I can't believe anyone would actually pick a list about someone's DC who has life limiting medical needs and use it against them.

Well done. You truly have levelled up.

*post.

I wouldn't go spreading that opinion about though unless you are 100% sure there is no special circumstances/needs, as if there are and you are bitchy about it you'll look a right twat!

I have absolutely no intention of saying a thing IRL about the issue. As my OP stated from the outset, I was just wondering if my entirely internal monologue (which will stay internal) was me being excessively judgemental. Based upon many of these responses, I’m not.

And don’t be so judgemental? Apologies for being human. We can’t help but hold judgements about pretty much everything. I’m airing on an anonymous forum. My judgements will never see the light of real day as I entirely agree it’s none of my business.

OP, if you aren’t her boss, it has nothing to do with you. Why would you care what she agrees with her boss? And why are you snooping on her leave request forms?

Because (as I clearly stated in my OP) I am genuinely interested if there was a change in parenting trends since I was a teen where 15-17 are never left home alone anymore as I was, or if there’s an element of cheeky fuckery, or other viewpoints. I have never ‘snooped’ on her leave request forms. She fills them out on the desk in front of me.

And to reiterate, she is most definitely paid for emergency carer’s leave in the NHS - I think we get up to 8 days per year in our trust, always paid. It’s not age dependant as I had to claim a couple of days for my 70+ yo mum when she was still alive.

Well given the OP knows her reasonably well and you don’t, maybe just try and rationalise it that it’s infintely more likely that she’s just one of the pisstakers

That was my point. Maybe OP doesn't know her as well as she thinks. Why should this person share everything with OP? Why should all these posters jump on and side with OP about how awful this person is. Like I said. It could be me. I would t in a million years share details of my DC's with work colleagues.

I also acknowledged that she could well be a pisstaker. But the fact it we don't know, so perhaps shouldn't be so quick to judge.

Surely if you have a child who cannot, regardless of age, live independently, they'll have carers and therefore be appropriately looked after when unwell anyway? I'm just pondering.
I'm sorry to hear about your child...I wish you and them well.

Surely if you have a child who cannot, regardless of age, live independently, they'll have carers and therefore be appropriately looked after when unwell anyway? I'm just pondering.

Yes. It's that simple.

if there was a change in parenting trends since I was a teen where 15-17 are never left home alone anymore as I was

Well, DD's sixth form college rang yesterday to say that she was under the weather, and they wanted to make sure that 'there would be a parent at home for a little TLC when she got there...'

...and they seemed very surprised when I said there wouldn't, but that her brother was happy to be nice to her for a bit.

Generally though teenagers and young adults are far less independent nowadays than previous generations.

Now people in their early twenties still seem to rely heavily on their parents whereas decades ago, they'd have probably been married with children.

Tailsof
I am surprised at that. I take if your dd got home under her own steam. It would have been different were she needing to be collected due to being too unwell.

I'm guessing your absence policy allows for this, in which case she is within her rights, even if it is a bit annoying/seems unnecessary.

So I'm 32 and my mum and dad took time off to come with me to a very horrible hospital appointment. But it's their business they can take the day off.

But beyond 14 I was on my own if I was ill. It's odd I have to say.

we get up to 8 days per year in our trust, always paid.

so some people WILL take 8 days every single year. They think it's own to them, so they have to have them.

Mummyof littledragon, well, in fact, her brother collected her (because he's a nice lad), but the expectation that a late-teen student would have a parent handy seemed odd to me too.

Ah but be honest, if you could use that excuse and they cant argue it why not.

I use my diabetes for mine sometimes... no harm in lying to get some time off lol. Loads of people do it. :)

Ah but be honest, if you could use that excuse and they cant argue it why not.

thankfully not everyone take all the sick days, dependent days and whatever day you might be entitled to! Not everyone takes the piss - which is a good thing, or businesses would start sticking to the bare minimum legal.

Definitely fine to use it if she's entitled to a specific amount per year.

You say she's had a hard time and her dds potentially need the odd day off with their mum giving one to one attention for mental health reasons. It may be more of a preventative measure but no doubt they have had a hard time given their mums illness and their dad leaving.

My dd (14) has various issues that work colleagues wouldn't be aware of even though we are close and open with each other about parenting. There are things i wouldn't want to share as it is dds information and not mine to share. Totally different to when they are 5 and 8 and you can be open about their tummy bugs or tonsilitis!!

I feel like dd needs me more than if she was 5 and not well when any caring parent, granny or friend would do.

Lucky I am part time and can usually juggle around when dd needs support by changing days at work. But if it comes to it she's absolutely my priority and work takes a back seat, I take time off paid or unpaid.

I was raised by my Grandparents so unless I was unconscious or a limb was falling off there was no way in hell I’d be getting a day off school. When I was sent home they’d give me an hour to see if I was actually ill or taking the piss (as most kids generally do to bunk off school sometimes). They sent me back to school if they decided it was the latter. If I was genuinely ill they’d send me to bed and said if I moved from it at all (except for bathroom needs) I’d be sent back to school and then went about their business as usual. They were both retired at this point but absolutely refused to ‘pander’ to me. This was from primary age until I moved out at age 16.

Their judgment ended up in a couple of hospital stays for me, appendicitis was the worst. They decided I was being a teenage CF and sent me back to school in the afternoon. I collapsed in P.E and was taken straight to hospital in an ambulance.

My DC are only toddlers at this point but I know that, due to my GP’s being the way they were, it’s possible I’d feel more comfortable taking leave from work (when possible) to look after them when they’re unwell and off school. I will fight that urge as they get into their later teens as I don’t want to coddle them. But it will be a fight between what is right for them and what I feel I “ought” to do just in case I repeat the same mistakes.

Maybe the woman you work with had an upbringing where she didn’t get the care and attention but craved it and she’s gone over too far in the opposite behaviour to make up for what upset her in the past.

Maybe her DC are needy - even as teenagers.

Or maybe she is indeed a CF who just sees it as an opportunity to get away from work (there are a few like that where DH works).

It doesn’t bother him - because he knows he doesn’t know all about these people and their lives, past experiences etc. The only time it riles him up is when he gets interrogated when he has to do the same to come and help me with our toddlers (I recently had a tear in my Achilles’ tendon which meant I was bedbound and he was told to send my medical proof so he could claim dependency leave) whereas the Mum’s in his department get sympathy and a lot of leeway.

If it’s something your workplace gives allowance for then I can’t say she’s being unreasonable. But I can understand why, on the face of it, it annoys.

I’m sure there are ppl who think my DH has been a CF for taking dependency leave when I tore my tendon. I’m the SAHM so they might think it’s ridiculous when there are those who have kids and both parents are in work. Swings and roundabouts really 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP your drip feed makes your comments particularly nasty. Many parents who have had cancer diagnosis become a lot more worried about their kids’ sickness.

Yep, which is reason number one why I have never, and will never, make such ‘nasty comments’ in real life.

OP I think your scepticism is justified, and also if the parent concerned is not a lone parent, why always should the woman be taking time off?

I have a colleague who does this. We only get first day as emergency carers leave, but at least once every two months she has a day to look after one of her children who are ill.

Her children are between 23 and 28.

Yes. Seriously.

I guess if others do it then why shouldn't she.
The result is the same, time off work. It seems most unfair for childless employees as they don't get paid days off.
Smokers who aren't allowed a fag break when parents get to go home for ill kids, who should have cover or not work. Don't get me started on people taking the piss.