Should I confront my bully?

[Unusualusernames]

To cut a long story short I have been very badly bullied in the workplace for the last three weeks. I am new and the person I am taking over from has behaved appallingly towards me. I've had to suck up her refusing to show me essential parts of the job, putting me down in front of colleagues (to the point where one of them actually defended me) and deliberating trying to isolate me (which hasn't worked because my new colleagues are all really nice).

She is leaving this week and I feel like I want to confront her about her behaviour to give me some kind of closure because the experience has been so traumatic. I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not? I feel like a wimp not confronting her but I've been so desperate not to make her even more angry with me I've dealt with it by pretending I'm oblivious. It's been tough.

Please don't flame me, these past few weeks have been really hard and I'm feeling very sensitive.

She wants a reaction, you have denied her that for the last three weeks. Don’t give her the satisfaction now, you have the job, with nice colleagues, there will probably be a collective sigh of relief when she goes. Continue to ignore, right up to the end, maybe even wish her well in the future with as much sincerity as you can manage .

I agree with Saucery - she wants a reaction, don’t give her one.

She's leaving - be happy about that.

In this case leave it and be glad shes leaving. She wants a reaction from you. Sounds like your new colleagues know whats shes like

Congrats on your new job, thank heavens she's leaving - what the heck is wrong with people??

I'd want to say something too, it'd eat me up to think she'd got away with it, but pp are right, she's goading you. If she says something mean, get ready to take her down in that moment, rather than when she's not engaging with you. It's ok to stand up for yourself, but do it to her face, at the time she's doing it. "I think you're a bully" should work.

Maybe a simple, 'thank you for leaving, I think I will really enjoy working here' just as she walks off will suffice.

You don’t need “closure” she is leaving. Just get on with your shit.

What a bizarre situation. Is she leaving by choice do you know? Why else would you be so awful to the person taking on your role?

Give her a big smile and a cheery wave when she’s going....that will annoy her more than you giving out would

Oh dear have you got her job? She is being a dick. You have managed to hold your head up high for three weeks so I would be tempted to see if you can stick out the final week. I would love to give a cheery wave as she leaves and wish her well but then I can be a passive aggressive bitch at times.

Definitely the overly cheery wave and "byeee" as she's leaving

I’d be petty not sign any leaving card don’t contribute to any collection for her and when she leaves don’t say bye. Bet your glad to see the back of her, not long to go before you never have to deal with her again. I was in a similar situation with a woman I worked with just a giant pain in the arse, undermining me, inviting everyone but me to ‘events’ she organised but never actually happened. Since she left she messaged me saying miss you I was tempted to write a response saying I don’t miss you you made my working life hell for 1.5 years but thought I’d rise above it and blank her and make her feel a fraction of how she made me feel. Small victory but victory all the same x

I'd be so nice to her. It will annoy her so much.

Don't let her know she has upset you. I'd just say thanks for showing me the ropes and tell her to enjoy her new job. With a big huge smug smile on my face.

I agree with some of the posters above. Don't bother to confront. She'll only gaslight you, insist you've misunderstood, are a trouble maker, etc.

However, don't be pleasant to her, don't contribute to a collection or sign her card or anything.

I would also make a list of aspects of the job that she still hasn't shown to you. Email her, ccing your line manager, saying that you've noted there are still some aspects of the handover that are incomplete and could you both make some time together to ensure they are done. That way, even if she leaves you in the lurch, it's on record that you tried to address this.

Draw some boundaries and protect yourself. You can be professional and polite without being friendly.

I think you should either have confronted within the first few days or not at all. Just let her leave and move on, no closure needed.

Just today and tomorrow to get through hopefully?

Yes don't give her the pleasure of the reaction.

Your colleague is not a good person and nothing positive will come from having a conversation with you. I suspect you will only feel worse, because you’re kind and you care and she doesn’t.
Why doesn’t she care? Maybe she’s just a horrible person. Maybe she’s experiencing problems you don’t know about...perhaps she’s jealous of you. It doesn’t really matter and you don’t need to know.
I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. DO NOT go on any leaving do - drinks... you’ll be busy or I’ll that day and do not contribute to a present.
Just be glad she’s leaving and retain your dignity.

I agree with 2cats2many regarding the email , it highlights how unprofessional she has been and l helps protect you
I wouldn't even look up from my desk when she leaves, I would just carry on working

Is there any chance that you'll have to work with her again in the future (is she moving to another part of the same organisation fi)? If so, I wouldn't confront her, I'd report her and get something on file in case she pops up again (bad pennies often do).

I can understand why you’d want to confront her. She sounds bloody awful. But I agree with the other posters that said ignore it. It will irritate her no end, if you admit she’s got to you I think she’d get off on it.

I wouldn’t confront her either as it will only give her an opportunity to play the victim.
I would be clipped and civil with her while responding warmly to others. Icily polite and nothing more. Do not wish her well or thank her.
If she is rude or unpleasant, look back at her knowingly but patronise her with good manners. She will understand that you are on to her but also that you are refusing to play her game. She wants a reaction so she can create...so it will get right on her tits to know you think she’s a cretin but you’re going to maintain the higher ground and let her squall around in the shit by herself.
Give her enough rope and all that...

Smile and wave her goodbye. Give her no reaction whatsoever. I imagine your new colleagues are holding their breath until she has gone, be prepared for some act of decompression from them! Cakes and a party, maybe!

I too agree with 2cats. I'd also ask that she, or your line manager, identify colleagues who may be able to help you out with those ommisions. Show that you are proactive, resilient and cooperative - they'll probably give you a pay rise - or buy you a cooffee

I wonder if she was 'encouraged' to leave, and that's why she's being so nasty?

You don't need to do anything, you have the job and she'll be gone by tomorrow.

I wouldn't "confront"her.
On the other hand, if you speak to her quietly and point out that you are new to the company and appreciate all her help in what must have been a very difficult job for her she may become aware of how bad her behaviour has been.

At the very least, it may save the new poor person she tries to bully in the workplace.

By remaining silent; you are enabling her to continue on her merry way bullying all and sundry.

My 9 year old nephew (a really lovely boy) was upset because some of his so called "friends"at school were continually telling him he was fat.

His DM told him to just ignore them. His DF was all for going to the school and sorting them out.

I told him to tell them calmly that he didn't feel good when they called him names and he would b e happier if they didn't do it any more.

He chose my option and they have become aware of how words can hurt.

Doesn't always work but it's worth a try.

Be over the top nice. Also tell your manager in an email to her and your manager that she still needs to explain x, y,z to you before she goes. Fuck her. I had someone do this to me once. She was actually covering my maternity leave role and was really annoyed I came back after a year. She left the work in such a state and refused to tell me what was going on.