To be worrying about my child's school place

[minesapinkgin]

My child is 4 and has attended the school nursery of the school where he has been offered a place for reception since April time. We moved areas hence why he only recently started.

I was originally happy about this as the school is walking distance which is something I had always wanted.

However, having now experienced this school for a couple of months I am now panicking that I have not made the right decision for reception.

It's not the school per se, although with the exception of a brief chat with the teacher I have no idea how he's getting on or whether they have any concerns. It is however, the parents of the children that is making me question his place. Parents smoking literally right outside the school gates. I overheard one parent talking about getting the termination pill in the playground! This is not what I want for my child.

I will be calling the local council to see what I can do but the other school we liked we'd have to drive to.

Would you be concerned by this? Or AIBU?

Smoking is legal. People talk about stuff. You will find this behaviour everywhere but perhaps you could see if the school used by the Cambridges has any places? You might get a better class of mummy there?

Oh. YABU.

@MyFokMarelize these are only two examples.

I understand your anxiety. At a practical level, I imagine that sought-after schools will be oversubscribed and unable to accommodate your DC immediately (as well as being far away). In your shoes I'd be digging for more info about attainment at the current school, culture, whether there are supportive parents about etc.

You want like-minded parents who value education the way you do, and you worry that the snippets you've picked up on so far indicate that they aren't. Sounds understandable to me.

You will find smoking parents and idol chatter at every school gate - every school has a subset of parents like you describe, it shocked me a at first too as it was so different to the world I inhabited but that's real life (I was in quite an expensive area too). Unless you have the cash to go private you need to realise that state education is for all so there's going to be all kids of kids with all kinds of backgrounds - just wait until secondary when a girl in your kids y9 class has a termination!

@EssentialHummus thank you for your reply. You've worded that better than I could. I fear they do not have the same values that I hold and I want my child to mix with people of similar values and ultimately I don't want him to be disadvantaged

@stucknoue I understand there will be smoking parents. However it's the parents that think it's acceptable to smoke right by the school gates that has shocked me and I'm seeing that they are not the minority at this school.

I will be checking out the school places available tomorrow and go from there

But how do you know that there are no parents there that hold the same values as you? Smoking doesnt mean they don't value education and 1 conversation doesnt really give you insight into all the parents.

@stucknoue I have never experienced this at any of his previous settings. (School or nurseries)

I'm aware that state school is for all but perhaps I need to look at the local demographic better

@Ginnymweasley I understand your point, however from my experience they are the minority at this school

Where’s I live it’s easy to get copies of the inspection reports on each school - that will at least give you an idea of how the school performs in terms of educational attainment and pastoral care.

My daughter attends an excellent, over subscribed school. Most of the parents hold similar values to my own - but some are horrendous.

Swearing outside the playground, driving around the school car park like rally car drivers, shouting at teachers. One parent even mounted the pavement at home time and drove along it to avoid a queue of traffic.

You get them everywhere and in every walk of life unfortunately. And they are multiplying😊. It might just be a loud minority of parents who behave this way.

OP, I'm very surprised that you've not been called 'judgmental' before now. So parents smoke. And they have private conversations. How does that indicate their values? How does it impact your child's education?
I understand that the Duchess of Cornwall and the Duchess of Cambridge both smoke. Do,you question their values?
And you've absolutely no idea who within your elegant social circle may or may not have taken the morning after pill. In fact, you may have misheard and the parents having that conversation may have been discussing a third party with judgmental horror.
We all want the best possible school for our children. But I honestly think you are over reacting here. Maybe you'd be better asking for a meeting with your child's key worker to discuss how they are doing rather than a knee-jerk decision to change school? Focus on your child and their education rather than judging smokers and listening to tittle tattle.

My DS's school sounds similar.

However, he gets his values at home, has made nice friends (with parents who have similar values) and is doing fabulously well from an academic viewpoint.

Our local 'sink school' hasn't been the horror show I thought it would be.

Don't panic. It's easy to avoid those parents on the playground. I've swerved them all way through primary.

@Gazelda I am being judgemental yes because this is my child's future. They may not care that they are setting bad examples to their children but I don't want my child to be around that.

I know there are all walks of life at all schools but if I can avoid the majority than I definitely will.

However it's the parents that think it's acceptable to smoke right by the school gates that has shocked me

Have you led a very sheltered life?

@Gazelda fwiw I am not criticising smokers. I smoked in my younger years however I would not dare to smoke right outside the school gates forcing children and parents to walk through it

@formerbabe have you been brought up to think that's acceptable

I'm sure it'll be fine as long as the parents don't begin lessons any time soon. 😂

Every school has its faults . Be careful you don't go from the frying pan to fire . Just saying

I am being judgemental yes because this is my child's future. They may not care that they are setting bad examples to their children but I don't want my child to be around that

You are being utterly, utterly ridiculous. I can 100% guarantee you your 4 year old isn't going to care about some uncouth chav at the school gates, and if he starts to pick up mannerisms you don't like (you know, like smoking in primary school) then it's your parenting that comes into question, not theirs.

@minesapinkgin I grew up in the 80s and 90s, every fucking parent smoked in the playground! We didn't all grow up to be chain smoking oiks. Did you smoke because you saw it in the playground? Or was it a choice made probably because of peer pressure or as an adult?

Wait what??? Kate Middleton smokes?

@formerbabe have you been brought up to think that's acceptable

What?! Smoking outside the school gate? Well, I don't smoke and find it pretty anti social but it wouldn't shock me. You said you were shocked by it, didn't you?

If you don’t expose children to all walks of life they aren’t going to get a balanced view.

At least these things that are important to our can now be discussed.

Otherwise they may never have presented themselves.

@op i understand your concerns but how do you know the nect school will be better?