To be worrying about my child's school place

[minesapinkgin]

My child is 4 and has attended the school nursery of the school where he has been offered a place for reception since April time. We moved areas hence why he only recently started.

I was originally happy about this as the school is walking distance which is something I had always wanted.

However, having now experienced this school for a couple of months I am now panicking that I have not made the right decision for reception.

It's not the school per se, although with the exception of a brief chat with the teacher I have no idea how he's getting on or whether they have any concerns. It is however, the parents of the children that is making me question his place. Parents smoking literally right outside the school gates. I overheard one parent talking about getting the termination pill in the playground! This is not what I want for my child.

I will be calling the local council to see what I can do but the other school we liked we'd have to drive to.

Would you be concerned by this? Or AIBU?

You're being ridiculous quite frankly OP.

I understand your concerns to a certain extent. We live in an a low income area and all of the sweeping generalisations that brings. I was worried about my DC going to school with kids with the same 'work ethic' as our family. But I wouldn't say smoking parents was on our list.

Our school is actually really good because it gets a lot of Welsh government funding because it's in a 'deprived' area and my DC benefit from that by having access to things not available at other nearby schools. The head teacher is also really good and doesn't take any nonsense from pupils or parents alike (some of the other parents are scared of her!). There are more staff at my local school compared to others nearby with more kids.

You also need to be realistic about the school run if you're working and have other children. DS1 went to a different further away school for nursery that we had to drive to and the school run every day was so stressful getting everyone where they needed to be on time. Now I only have to walk 5 minutes to school, it's much easier.

DD attends an oversubscribed, very academically oriented, outstanding school.

We still have parents who smoke, parents with SS involvement, parents that were banned from the grounds due to fighting ,parents who swear etc. Her values and achievements are in the end down to me and OH as parents and the effort she puts in, not what other parents do in the playground in the 5 minutes at pickup.

@fatted I was trying to diplomatic by not saying that the majority of parents I have come across are quite clearly from low income backgrounds. I don't have an issue with this in general; however; I feel their morals and values are not on the same level from what I have seen.

We live in the "better" area but there is a large pocket of deprived housing that backs on to where we are. I understand that kids are all the same at this age but I'm worried that this might have a negative impact on him and his education in primary.

But you're right. His last school was an ofsted excellent faith school where by the parents were a completely different demographic. However I had to drive every morning and it was stressful trying to drag two kids in the car and then try and park and sort pushchair etc out so this is one of the factors in choosing this house was the location to the school.

I get where you are coming from OP although I think the smoking is a red herring.

DD went to a school which backed on to a deprived area. I’m all for DCs mixing with all kinds of people, I wouldn’t send them to private school if I was a millionaire.

But the two mums having a fight in the playground over someone taking someone else’s cocaine at a BBQ was the last straw.

DD now goes to a lovely little village school but that has its own problems too. High percentage of SAHM so the school seem to think we all have time to sew costumes with a weeks notice, everything is held during school hours and there are more tiny little women in gym clothes driving ridiculous 4x4s than you can shake a stick at.

Swings and roundabouts

OP you’ll get this everywhere, I understand that you want to protect your child from certain behaviours and views but it isn’t possible to police this. Imagine if you change schools and then something similar happens at the new school?

I’d give it a chance, children will mix with like minded peers and as long as you are instilling the correct values at home then your child will be fine. Part of parenting is teaching children how to make their own mind up about their perspective and opinion, not just sheltering them from everything negative. There really isn’t any way of protecting your child from everything.

From a parent who has a child at a school they didn’t choose, please don’t worry. Give it a chance and if it’s that bad move later down the line.

@Babadouche
I know the grass may not be greener and i'm sure all schools have their issues.
I wouldn't use a private school either. A) I can't afford it and b) I don't think my 4 year old would enjoy it

I guess my wobble has stemmed from him asking if he could go and play at a friends house (not that he'd been invited) and I just thought to myself no thanks

By deprived housing I presume you mean social housing?? A lot of the parents in those houses will work, will still want their child to do well. You are being horribly judgemental of people you don't really know based on their social class and a couple of interactions.
I live in an ex council house, some of the houses on my street are social housing. It is the nicest friendliest place I have ever lived. Is it a bit rough around the edges? Yes but I am in no way worries about my children not gaining important values. Your child is going to come across many different people throughout her life, maybe you should start teaching her now not to judge others so quickly.

Smoking outside schools isn't great but it happens it you are that worried about being forced to walk past people smoking is there not another entrance you can use ,my nephews naice middle class school that was classed as "outstanding" since 2011 and only just had another Ofsted has been place ,d into special measures due to bullying ,and many other reasons , my point being that just because a school looks good on paper doesn't always mean it is.

Wow just wow. Maybe those parents don't want you around their children. Judging a school by the parents you have seen. You have got to be kidding.

You are being judgemental. I don't smoke, that dosent mean others carnt. I educate my child about tne dangers. If all you heard was an innocent conversation about tne morning after pill then I really don't see your problem, parents chat in the playground. This happens at all schools and it does not mean the parents don't value education.

I guess my wobble has stemmed from him asking if he could go and play at a friends house (not that he'd been invited) and I just thought to myself no thanks

Do you know the child? The parents? Actually know them, not overheard convos wether they take the MAP or not.

Or are you just wobbling over a made up scenario of an invite that was never there and might never come, with a made up ruffian child with made up low life parents?

We're a low income family, kids love coming to ours, and parents(including professionals) are more than happy to let them, sometimes for a whole day.

Going against the tide here but the influences you child gets at school do matter. A friend of mine sent her kids to the local school. They’ve picked up really strong cockney accents that she can’t get them to drop. It’s not as simple as saying you can teach a child how to behave at home. OP, you are on the best position to judge here what the time of the community you will be placing your son in is and whether you find that suitable. Good luck.

Lol this actually sounds a lot like our school but I always say you don't need to worry about the parents as they only see them briefly. As long as everything is ok within the school. That is the only negative about ours.
Our school is in the middle of a 'deprived' area. I actually live within the area too and I am not like the statistics would have you believe and nor are most to be fair! This does mean that the school gets masses of extra funding tho which benefits everyone and our school is outstanding and has been for some time. Results seem slightly lower than others but obv due to the standard that some of the children start and that tends to be lower. I wouldn't worry OP

I understand why you’re being judgemental but what I don’t understand is why you did so little research/ planning before you applied to the school? All the good schools will be full now by parents who have been planning for years!

I reckon your best bet is to get an in year space at a better school, you’ll have to go on the waiting list but for goodness sake do some research first!

I was kind of with you until your sweeping generalisation that low income = low morals and no care about education, that is just plain catty there are lots of reasons people are on low incomes.

As an aside PP are right, there will be nice and nasty smoking and non clever and thick parents everywhere you go it is YOU who determines your child's morals and there attitude to school (to a degree, we are all individuals) also good primary is nowhere near as vital as good high school.

Going against the tide as well but smoking outside the gate is just vile and wouldn’t be allowed at my local school. The head is a force to be reckoned with and isn’t scared of tackling parents.

Like it or not,demographics are likely to play a role in educational outcomes and children are influenced by the peers. You’re going to have a very different experience in an area of deprivation versus a leafy village school where 90% of the parents are professionals. The success of private schools isn’t really about small class sizes etc, it’s selection.

We have some mums/dads at ds school which are how you describe,however they are mixed in with all types of parents.The school is good and so are the teachers.I haven't noticed my Reception age child coming home acting any different like hes being badly influenced.I wouldn't worry.

The only thing you need to worry about is the school, not the parents... What are their results like? What are the teachers like? What about the pastoral care? Those are the things you need to look into, not the parents. I went to school in the kind of area you are talking about. Some of the parents of my best friends smoke and swore. My own parents smoked. Most of them were normal, lovely, hard working families. Obviously some were not so much, but that's people in general. You know which kid was the meanest, nastiest little bully with the worst behaviour? Yup, the one that was dressed in the nice clothes, that was well spoken, that lived in one of the "nice" houses. At least look into the school before you change things.

We rejected a school place for similar reasons - however in our case the school also had the absence rate from hell (double digits), and abysmal results (a minority of kids reached national average).
Have a look at the statistics and decide from there

If you are having issue's about this now, then you are probably best home schooling your child. As this is normal behavior you will see outside any primary school across the country.

have you been brought up to think that's acceptable

No I've bought my children have their own mind and just because some parents chose to behave like they do does not make it right and we do not have to follow them.

How would the head teacher stop people smoking outside school user8888888? Whilst I agree it's not nice and doesn't look good if it's outside of school than I assume it's on a public highway so the head teacher would have no control?

I understand what you mean and I agree with you. However, the mothers you have had contact with are the ones that have nothing better to do than hang around the schoolyard gossiping. There are surely many working parents who do not socialize with the "schoolyard mums" but just pick their child up and leave.
When your child reaches the stage of making friends and asking for play dates you will just have to do a little investigation of the child involved and decide whether you want to encourage the friendship.
When I was a mother of young children I point-blank asked my child's teacher if her little friend A was from the kind of home I would feel comfortable having my daughter visit, and vice versa. The teacher knew her students and their families and she advised me well.

Really GeorgiaGirl?I really can't imagine a teacher being as judgemental as you

I would be more concerned about the school if a teacher was telling parents which child had parents they considered bad. Strikes me as highly unprofessional. When I was younger I had a friend who's parents were a bit like you, they didn't want their dd playing with children from families they deemed unsuitable. My mother referred to her mum as 'stuck up' for years. I suppose if you are ok judging others you have to get used to the idea that others will do the same in return.