Help settle a restaurant debate.

[IcedTeaForMe]

I wasn't one of the people in this scenario but I was having this discussion with a friend who was.

There are five people out to dinner and they're splitting the billl. One person(my Friend) Karen has a gift card for the restaurant given to her by her employer. The gift card more than covers her share so she generously says that the rest of the gift card can be used to deduct from the bill for the other diners meaning that they'd pay around ten pounds less than they would have without Karen's gift card. One diner objects and says that the remaining bill should be split between all five(including Karen) and not the remaining four because she hasn't actually contributed any money to the bill, only a gift card that she didn't pay for.

It seems pretty clear cut to me who was in the wrong, but I'm curious to know what MN thinks?

@HeronLanyon but cloudy states "enjoy the benefit of the FULL CARD VALUE to herself", it's not about understanding maths it's about understanding English! SHE SHARED IT!

It’s renumeration from work. It’s the same as being paid a salary. We get bonuses (cash) at various points in work. I use those to pay for meals out with friends. So I errr enjoy the full benefit of the employer bonus and the company of my friends and I don’t even contribute or this meals!

We have people do work experience with us and give them diner vouchers to spend however and whenever they choose. Are people saying these vouchers should not be used to pay for meals out with friends, should the person choose?

It’s so odd here sometimes. People aren’t allowed to pay using gift vouchers and pay towards everyone else’s meal?

Karen paid for her meal, using the payment earned from her job. Payment from employers is not always cash.

How, how the hell are some people so greedy and grabby they feel they're entitled to a part of someone else's money, like a free feed off them?!
Why on earth does it matter how Karen paid for her lunch? So what if it was a gift voucher and not cash?
Is it a case of "wah, not fair, I want a gift voucher too, how come she's got one and I haven't? Pay for me too or s'not fair!" Are you 5 lol
She paid for all her lunch and was nice enough to put the remaining balance towards the rest of the bill reducing it for everybody else.
Some people are just so fucking grabby/greedy/jealous, baffles me!
I wouldn't care at all if I was out with Karen and she paid for hers with a voucher.
People be weird.

@plasterboots Ah yes I see the confusion, I meant that she was enjoying the card voucher to pay for her full meal out rather than Ashe wa using the full value. Sorry for wording that wrong.

@HeronLanyon I totally agree with you!

If the thoughts were generally 50/50 give or take each in favour of Ian and Karen, then it would be reasonable to see Isn’t it just that each approach really doesn’t understand the other ??.

Ian's thinking is in the minority agreement on here. Implies that his view was/is out of order, he shouldn't have stuck his beak in and there's no problem in paying via gift card.

It was a remuneration from her employer, do you want to dip into her bank account as well?

This.

I can't believe that 1) this is still going on and 2) people really expect Karen to spend her "money" on others. (I know she did, but the thread seems to think she should have spent even more)

Sorry, but if Karen was in my group of friends I (and all my friends) would think Karen was the one in the wrong.

Aside from the fact that they weren't even friends....

Supposing you were resident in the UK but had a job requiring you to take a monthly work trip to Dublin and you had €400 of your own money (withdrawn/exchanged from your personal account for personal non-work-related spending) left in your purse from the last trip.

Your work asks you to take an extra trip with 4 new starters, to show them the ropes, and, at the suggestion of one of the newbies, you all decide to take the opportunity to go to a big show in the evening, after the day's work is done and you're in your own time, for which tickets cost €80 each.

You have €400 in cash available, which you are fully able to use on certain restricted occasions, but which cannot be spent in your everyday life when you're in your home country, most of your time.

Are you really saying that you should feel obliged to use your personal cash to pay for everybody's tickets? And that you'd be in the wrong if you didn't?

That's exactly the same principle as this - but for the fact that Karen had already made an extra generous offer instead of keeping the balance of her own money's value for her own later use.

cloudyyy perhaps you and a few others of us should meet for lunch for a re-enactment of sorts or perhaps a revisionist version of history.

Funny thing is there has been some characterisation if ‘greedy and grabby’ here. It’s so not about the maths and I think our approach which is instinctive to me is the less ‘greedy grabby’ approach and the far more generous and inclusive , particularly given these were acquaintances not close friends etc.

I totally think Ian was a tosser for saying anything at all. He was greedy and grabby.

Ho hum!

Ian is a stupid twat. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@HeronLanyon Agreed! Ian was very rude.

HeronLanyon, Cloudyyy,

Can you explain precisely what you consider lacking in etiquette here? I've seen assertions that what karen did was wrong, but the only explanation given is that it's because it's not the same as money. Is that the best you can do?

@Cloudyyy and @HeronLanyon I hope Karen brings the perfume she got as a gift when you're eating out, you could all use that as well?

Final try here.
I think Ian is a tosser for having said anything.
I don’t think Karen did anything wrong and have said that ad nausea.
I would not have done what she did.

1. In a group of acquaintances I would not choose to make payment any different for me than for anyone else, for any reason, including using a gift card solely. Ie for myself. I would also not choose to use eg staff discount solely for myself. Or high level membership etc solely for myself.

Before everyone thinks I don’t understand that she did this AND paid a smaller amount towards others bills.

1. I would not choose to pay something towards others (the £10) which did not equally apply to me. For many on the relieving end this would be uncomfortable.
2. I would choose as second best option to leave my gift card in my bag for another occasion and behave as one of the group and simply split the bill.
3. Depending on group dynamic (and whether i could afford to do this) my first preference would be to use the card to reduce the overall bill. ‘Hey I’ve got a gift card, let’s ge the bill down’. Then to join others in splitting the bill.

I can’t be any clearer than that. I understand all the maths involved. It is about the group and the social reality which could not allow me to differentiate myself and/or make the money knocked off all about them not me too. It’s about fully being as one in the group. I fully know people don’t understand. I’ve been out to dinner with those who don’t understand ! I’ve been the one who has eaten less or. I drinking or whatever who has said let’s split the bill and have understood. Hope this helps. I really do respectfully understand that not everyone gets it. I have not called anyone here grasping or greedy. I think my approach is actually generous. I’d really appreciate not being considered to be either stupid (I’m not) or greedy (I am so far from this as to be unbelievable).

Well here’s a first from me on mn. plasterbootsi honestly don’t know how to read that but you know what, I’m sick of being criticised when I haven’t criticised anyone on this thread. If I’ve misread your post (I don’t understand it frankly) then apologies. Why not give it a rest when I’ve not been disrespectful to you ?

1. In a group of acquaintances I would not choose to make payment any different for me than for anyone else, for any reason, including using a gift card solely. Ie for myself. I would also not choose to use eg staff discount solely for myself. Or high level membership etc solely for myself.
Before everyone thinks I don’t understand that she did this AND paid a smaller amount towards others bills.

She didn't use the card solely for herself.

2. I would not choose to pay something towards others (the £10) which did not equally apply to me. For many on the relieving end this would be uncomfortable.

She did pay towards others, not sure why when it's her gift it should be equal? Is it just gift card gifts she obliged to give to split with everyone or does she use just a fifth of her perfume gift and pass it on?

3. I would choose as second best option to leave my gift card in my bag for another occasion and behave as one of the group and simply split the bill.

When is she allowed to use it, when dining alone? Perhaps she doesn't like dining alone

4. Depending on group dynamic (and whether i could afford to do this) my first preference would be to use the card to reduce the overall bill. ‘Hey I’ve got a gift card, let’s ge the bill down’. Then to join others in splitting the bill.

Foolish and unnecessary

I can’t be any clearer than that. I understand all the maths involved. It is about the group and the social reality which could not allow me to differentiate myself and/or make the money knocked off all about them not me too. It’s about fully being as one in the group.

I also can't be any clearer it's not ok to take another's gift and use it for your own benefit. That's mean and nasty.

Well here’s a first from me on mn. plasterbootsi honestly don’t know how to read that but you know what, I’m sick of being criticised when I haven’t criticised anyone on this thread. If I’ve misread your post (I don’t understand it frankly) then apologies. Why not give it a rest when I’ve not been disrespectful to you ?

don't be so dramatic! I was illustrating a point.

Jeezzz!

@plasterboots why are you calling people names becaus me they disagree with you on a mumsnet thread?

I was being really fed up and angry. But if ‘jeez’ works for you in response fine.

I’ll try that again, so many typos!

Why are you calling people names because they disagree with you on a Mumsnet thread?

Oh ‘mean and nasty and stupid’. Thanks plasterboot. You’re so lovely. Really appreciated.

Why are you calling people names because they disagree with you on a Mumsnet thread?*

I didn't I said it was mean and nasty, I didn't call you names?

I was being really fed up and angry. But if ‘jeez’ works for you in response fine.

Really? Because people disagree with you?

Plaster boot. The word was ‘foolish’ not ‘stupid’ I agree. The other words obtain.

I’ve been the one repeatedly saying we get to disagree. Rtft!

So it all boils down to that you don't think it's the same as money, and it's somehow uncouth to pay in any way 'different' to the rest of the group.