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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised at how many of my 14 year old's friends are in relationships?

75 replies

HennyPennyHorror · 10/07/2019 05:41

DD is 14...15 in August. At least 4 of her mates...males and females are in quite serious (for 14 year olds!) relationships.

They date kids more or less their own ages....so between 14 and 16...some have been dating for over 9 months and are having sex.

The parents seem to facilitate a lot...picking up girlfriends and boyfriends...hosting sleepovers etc.

I'm not saying it's wrong to have a relationship but these all seem quite serious. I don't remember anything like this when I was 14...we "dated" other kids for a month or two....

Is this normal these days? I'm enabling voting...IABU to think it's too Young?

OP posts:
Tp93 · 10/07/2019 05:45

Oh dear way too young in my opinion the most I did at 14 when "dating" a boy, was holding their hand 😂

TwistyTop · 10/07/2019 05:47

I had boyfriends at that age. Loads of people in my school did. So I think this is pretty normal and it's not a new thing. As long as they are close enough in age that it's appropriate I'd just leave them to it.

Original poster
HennyPennyHorror · 10/07/2019 06:31

Twisty me too...but they only ever lasted a month or so and I wasn't sleeping with them! These couples are intimate with the girls on the pill! I appreciate that they're taking contraception but worry about it being normal so young.

OP posts:
adaline · 10/07/2019 06:35

It was relatively normal when I was that age too and that was 15 years ago now. It's not a new thing.

EatsShoootsAndLeaves · 10/07/2019 06:40

I met my husband at 14, started going out with him a few months before my 15th birthday. My mum took me to get the pill quite quickly Hmm we are now 30 with two children and a mortgage. In those teenagers years love & lust can be pretty intense!

ForInstance · 10/07/2019 06:42

YANBU in your attitude in that I also think it’s too young. BUT it was the same ‘in my day’ (I’m early 30s now) so YABU to be surprised or see it as a new phenomenon.

Binforky · 10/07/2019 06:43

Ynbu my 14 yr old has a bf and tries to convince me that he can sleep over ect but I am having none of it. He does come round for dinner sometimes but that's it. Luckily they live a long distance away so unless his parents or me give them a lift they dont get to see much of each other.

I just thought I was out of touch. I never had a bf and hadn't even kissed anyone until I was 19. I was seen as odd back then so struggle to understand what's normal.

SuzieQQQ · 10/07/2019 06:45

Far too young. I’d actively discourage my children from having a serious boyfriend/girlfriend at that age. I think it holds them back. I don’t want them considering them in plans. They should be fancy free and doing whatever they like.

changedusernamejob · 10/07/2019 06:47

Seeks to be the norm now. Year 9 and 10 seems to be like this. I find it very odd, too soon.

NameChangeNugget · 10/07/2019 06:50

This was happening in the 1970’s. It’s not a new phenomenon

stucknoue · 10/07/2019 06:51

It was common 25 years ago. I had 2 girls in my class get pregnant in year 10. My youngest was 15 when she had her first serious boyfriend but no sleeping over, we allowed it from 17. Dd1 isn't interested (asd)

LucheroTena · 10/07/2019 06:54

Too young. DD is year 9 and there is only 1 couple in her year in a ‘long term’ partnership. The rest are all chop-change or doing nothing.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 10/07/2019 06:54

Not when I was that age, but then I went to a very high-achieving grammar that was single sex. There were a couple of girls who had boyfriends- one definitely did as she had a baby when we were 14!- but it wasn’t the norm at all. That all changed in sixth form. My first boyfriend and going on the pill was in lower sixth.

MsMarvellous · 10/07/2019 06:59

I discovered snogging at 14. It must have been insufferable for my parents. I didn't have serious 'relationships' though. Just 'going out'

DuploRelatedInjury · 10/07/2019 07:10

I didn't personally, but some of my friends did. One slept with someone the day before her 16th (making a point!) and one was very active from when she was 15 - and there were a couple of pregnancies in my senior school so not just them!

DH was with his first girlfriend from age 14 to 18.

And this was 15 years ago so not that recent. Maybe parents are facilitating because they'd rather they did it somewhere safe? Yes, it's too young really but if they're going to do it anyway...

Original poster
HennyPennyHorror · 10/07/2019 07:33

I don't actually think there's anything wrong with it in one way...it's natural. I suppose I worry about them getting too intense...or I would if it was MY DD. One of the couples has a very jealous/controlling female in it...she won't "allow" him to go out in a group if there are other girls present.

DD feels a bit Hmm about this as he's missing out.

OP posts:
schnubbins · 10/07/2019 07:53

My son had a girlfriend at 15 also.She was a year younger.I thought at the outset that they were far too young but accepted it thinking it would soon fizzle out.
Was I wrong. It went on for four very long , sad years.My son's girlfriend turned out to have massive mental health issues which were being ignored by her parents.My son(and our family) were left to deal with all her problems and the fallout as they were glad to be out of the firing line.
Suffice to say the relationship was a disaster, he was too young to deal with the complex issues that she had thinking he could save her and it nearly destroyed him.School , our home life and his own mental health took a battering.
I am sure if he had been a little bit older he may have seen the light a little earlier and have left her.
So , young relationships are all good when they are good but when they go wrong as in my sons case can have a very detrimental effect in very formative years.

Milicentbystander72 · 10/07/2019 08:11

My DD is 14. Her close friends are not in relationships however she knows of about 5 couples amoungst her wider group. These vary from simple snogging at the odd party to what us oldies used to call 'heavy petting'.
She doesn't know anyone who's had sex yet. She herself has only kissed a boy. She's not really interested in anyone seriously (which I'm hoping stays that way!)

In her experience it's the boys who are more pushing in asking girls out. The girls seem to be able to take it or leave it.

I was 15 when I had my first serious boyfriend. It wasn't much fun looking back so I'm encouraging dd to just hang out with her friends!

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 08:14

I'm not far off 50 and it was the same in my day too. Nothing has changed.

I wouldn't be facilitating sleepovers for 14 year olds though!

Isadora2007 · 10/07/2019 08:20

I don’t think you are wrong to be concerned at the level of intensity of some teen relationships. But I disagree that it’s any different from “before” or is a new thing. I was in a 9 month relationship from being not quite 14 years old then met the man I married when I was not quite 15. In fact I worked out that since I was 13 I’ve only actually been single for around 10 months as I met and remarried quite quickly.

Titsywoo · 10/07/2019 08:21

My dd isn't doing this but some of her friends are starting to date although not seriously. No idea about sex but I don't think so although her group is kind of the geeky slightly young for their age lot so might be different for others. When I was 14 I was interested in boys but not dating (I was at single sex school). That didn't start until 16 and I hope it's the same for dd. Seems too young and she's definitely not ready for sex and all that comes with it.

FiveStoryFire · 10/07/2019 08:25

I had a serious boyfriend at 15. He was 17. I was crazy about him.

mimibunz · 10/07/2019 08:34

I’m 51 and hardly anyone had sex by 14 even if they were ‘dating.’ 16 was more the norm for a first ‘real’ relationship.

MyOpinionIsValid · 10/07/2019 08:34

One of the couples has a very jealous/controlling female in it...she won't "allow" him to go out in a group if there are other girls present.

This is very common, sadly.

crumpet · 10/07/2019 08:38

It did happen at my school when I was the same age, back in the 80s, but it was by no means the norm. Those in “serious” relationships at that age were very much the minority. I do remember someone having a pregnancy scare probably just under the age of 14.