To expect my mum to stop being so careless with gluten

[DaftAsABrush15]

I was recently diagnosed with Ceoliac disease. It came as a bit of a shock as I'm well into my 20's. Anyway my mum who I live with is being so careless. She still eats gluten as there is nothing wrong with her. (lucky sod) I bought a new toaster, she's already contaminated it with her white bread. I'm forever cleaning up crumbs on the work surface. I mentioned that I had the runs so for her to make sure she's being careful with cross contamination.

When I approached her saying that I need her to be careful and clean up after herself she accused me of picking on her, bullying and being "over the top" because I don't like her eating gluten. She's tried GF alternatives that I buy and she doesn't like all of them. So I won't and can't force her to eat food she doesn't like but I've been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder which I can't help so I feel like I'm doing nothing wrong in just saying that we continue to respect each other as we always have done?

Unfortunately, her reaction is a result of all the self diagnosed "gluten intolerant" folk out there.

You should have a coeliac organisation that might have some good material for educating family members, otherwise a frank conversation is needed- a lot of people don't realise that it's not a matter of just being allergic and rushing to the loo, but an autoimmune issue and that one of the side effects of exposure to gluten is long term bowel issues and cancer. She's literally contributing to the likelihood of you developing cancer every time she glutens you. Hopefully she just doesn't understand how serious it is. I have a relative who had it appear as late onset and it is a bit of a shock but it was easy enough for us to swap to GF products and remember to change flour etc when cooking for them.

Start thinking about moving out. She sounds very selfish.

In the meantime, as PP says, show her some material about the long term risks. Osteoporosis, deficiencies, etc. Not to mention the danger of developing more autoimmune diseases on top.(I was misdiagnosed for years and it's had a lot of knock on effects.)

Tell her she can buy her own toaster. Or prepare food in your room maybe? Or move out

I assumed the op was living in her mother's home.

She is being quite insensitive to your very real medical needs. Why don't you find a place of your own, you say you are in your twenties and you sound mature enough. In the meantime, buy another toaster for your exclusive use.

Having your own flat would be an adventure and you would feel generally better. I don't mean 'own' in the sense of buying one because you may not be able to afford that and most of us start off renting. Looking for somewhere is fun and interesting in itself.

Hope things improve for you.

Buy a second toaster- that's the easy bit!

Move out- potentially harder but so important. Your mum is clearly really difficult to live with in lots of ways.

You have two options:
a) really impress upon your mum how serious the condition is. When my sister was diagnosed, my mum went out and bought all new utensils, toaster, pans, sieve, colander, chopping boards etc which could be kept totally gluten free when she's cooking for my sister (who doesn't even live with her.) And my sister's fiance has adopted a gluten free diet too, so they have no chance of contamination as they don't have any gluten products in the house. Yes it's added expense, but adjustments like this are what you do when it's for the sake of the long-term health of someone you love.
b) move out

Is it possible for you to move out? It's so important to manage coeliac disease correctly - you could end up with cancer if you keep being exposed.

Your mum either doesn't understand what coeliac disease is or she doesn't care, and I think either way you're going to really struggle to change her behaviour. You can try and educate her on the illness but I do think that you'd be better off moving out if that's at all possible. It's the only way for you to guaruntee that you aren't being exposed to gluten.

We have two coeliacs and two not on our house. We have a gluten free side of the kitchen where no gluten prep takes place. I have also printed labels to on things like butter to show which is gf. Would that work for you? Classic MIL comment a couple of years ago.....'well diabetics are allowed a bit of sugar'. She is incapable of making a normal sandwich without contaminating the whole fridge! How difficult can it be to cut the cheese before going near the bread??!!

I am aware that I sound really ignorant but I didn't realise that you had to be quite so careful.

As people probably eat a large amount of gluten in their diet before diagnosis I wouldn't have realised that sharing a toaster would cause such problems.

I guess if she can't adapt you need to move out if possible.

Get some toaster bags.

My daughter is in the process of being diagnosed with coeliac. I have been told to keep her diet normal until she has the endoscopy. I have read into what I need to do once diagnosis os confirmed! Your mum is being careless. People believe it is just an intolerance to gluten, people believe 'a tiny bit won't hurt' I was one of these people until not long ago!
Have you explained to your mum that there can be quite serious complications with just continuous cross contamination? Maybe that can help?

As people probably eat a large amount of gluten in their diet before diagnosis I wouldn't have realised that sharing a toaster would cause such problems.

Lots of people don't realise how awful ceoliac disease is. Gluten disperses throughout the body and as well as digestive upsets it can cause joint pain throughout the body, for example. It takes anything up to 18 months to totally eliminate it from the body, and after that is done even the smallest amount can kick off a huge reaction. So no-GF crumbs in a toaster are really serious for someone who is gluten intolerant.

OP, your mother is not treating you well. But you're not going to change her, and so long as you live in her house you're not going to be able to impose the rules you need to remain healthy. Time you found somewhere else to live, I think.

I’m glad you posted about this. I never knew that you can contaminate GF foods with other foods by using a toaster or bring near non GF food. I hadn’t realised it’s a easy to do, sounds like the nut allergy issues. I have a few friends who have gluten allergies and I simply bought GF items for them but didn’t prepare away from non GF foods. I’m going to have to read up on that.

About your mum. If she’s incapable of following established food safety guidelines for gluten allergies, down right refuses, then best you make plans to move out. But linger term, if you visit, bring your own food as you’ll be aware she won’t have prepared food for you without contaminating it with gluten foods, appliances or utensils used with gluten food.

I suggest you either move out or prepare food in your room, promptly wash up and keep specific pots and crockery in your room. have a plastic box for your food (including one in the fridge if needed).

yes it's a massive pita but if she won't comply I don't see how it works sharing a kitchen space.

So you have a news toaster... does that mean it is intended to be for your sole useage and she’s put normal bread in it? If so, she’s being a stupid, selfish bitch who needs to get with the program. (Also coeliac whose mother tried to guilt-trip me into eating the bloody couscous she’d made for me instead of pasta 🙄). She needs to be told that if you continue to be exposed to gluten, you will end up with a stoma and/or bowel cancer. Show her pictures. Tell her it’s not a fad. Explain it as an allergy if you have to.

I too had no idea contamination with gluten intolerances was such a problem or so significant.

Have friend who is long term diagnosed with coeliac disease and she and her dp share what I’d call a normal shared kitchen/preparation set up. In fact she has cooked gluten things for me. I always have gluten free things for her but have never been asked to keep things ‘clean’ in prep/serving terms.
I realise I don’t even know if there are significant differences in levels of intolerance.
Hmmm - thanks for posting op. Has made me think.

Thank you - learned something today. I also had no idea about the cross contamination aspect.

www.bighospitality.co.uk/Article/2016/05/09/How-to-cater-for-customers-following-gluten-free-diets

This was interesting and enlightening.

Unfortunately, her reaction is a result of all the self diagnosed "gluten intolerant" folk out there.

No, it's a result of her being selfish and unthinking!

OP has already bought her own toaster - her mother is using that one as well.

I don't know that it's as a result of faddy gluten-free people, more that her mother may just not "believe" in it, like some people refuse to "believe in" anaphylactic allergies.

Remember the story on here of a mother who gave her granddaughter a walnut whip because she "didn't believe" in the walnut allergy the child had been diagnosed with? Needed hospital attention, iirc.

There are far too many people out there who "don't believe" in anything that they haven't directly experienced themselves - sounds like OP's mum might just be one of them.

In which case, she's highly unlikely to ever even try to understand, because it doesn't affect HER.

I stopped eating a few things because I found they adversely affected my health - one of them happened to be wheat and gluten, another was pork. Do you think I could get my mother to understand or change her ways? Not a hope! Not a fucking hope. It was outside of her sphere of experience and therefore didn't matter to her and I was probably "making it up". REALLY not. But she didn't care at all. Luckily I was not living at home by then so it didn't affect me as much.

Re. cross contamination - some people are more sensitive to this than others. Also sometimes you can get a sort of "rebound" effect - the body has been struggling along with the intolerance (and coeliac IS an intolerance, an autoimmune one, NOT an allergy) but when you take the offending substance away, it breathes a sigh of relief. Then when it's re-introduced, the body goes "NOOOOOO!!!" and has a complete fit about it.
Happened to a friend of mine who was diagnosed with a wheat allergy - not an intolerance and not coeliac - she went off wheat but one day was seduced by the local bakery, bought a half-baguette of fresh bread and ate it all. Her body went mad - all her mucous membranes swelled up, her face swelled up, almost to the point that she couldn't breathe, and she had terrible GI symptoms (nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, bloating, pain, everything).
I saw her the next day and she looked like she'd been battered - her eyes were swollen almost shut and her face and neck were still hugely swollen. She'd never had symptoms like that before - it was the "rebound" from having been off the wheat for a couple of weeks and then suddenly having it again.

My sister has been coeliac for 25 years. She is relaxed about that level of contamination (sharing a toaster) as in her case it causes no issues. Her blood levels are fine and show she is compliant.

I think different coeliacs have different responses but it's sensible to start very very cautiously.

Explain to her why it's not on, would she deliberately sneak allergens into food of someone who couldn't eat them? Because what she's doing to you is worse. Explain that every time she 'makes a mistake' she needs to tell you right away and buy a new toaster. Every. Time.

I have life threatening allergies and actually I think you are being (a bit) unreasonable.

You're an adult and your health is your responsibility. While I think that every adult who lives in a shared house should clean up after themselves, including wiping up crumbs, in this case the crumbs don't present an insurmountable health hazard as you can just clean them up (and with a serious allergy you should always assume there is cross contamination until you have ensured otherwise). OK so it's a general lack of consideration, but it's not a specific allergy issue, and how unreasonable it is depends to a certain extent on whose house it is.

The toaster issue is more unreasonable on your mum's part but you need to take responsibility for accidental use of the toaster for normal bread and keep your toaster in your bedroom when it's not in use.

Like others on this thread, when I initially read your OP I thought you were being overly precious as didn't realise the impact of a tiny bit of gluten from a toaster.

This thread has educated a few people here, and that is what your mum needs is education. I would assume you have attempted this, but she is not listening/hearing how serious it is. Would she listen to someone else? Do you see a dietitian or something and she can come to your next appointment and hear it from someone else?

Only other alternatives I can see is to have distinct kitchen areas and utensils as someone mentioned above, or move out.