To expect my mum to stop being so careless with gluten

[DaftAsABrush15]

I was recently diagnosed with Ceoliac disease. It came as a bit of a shock as I'm well into my 20's. Anyway my mum who I live with is being so careless. She still eats gluten as there is nothing wrong with her. (lucky sod) I bought a new toaster, she's already contaminated it with her white bread. I'm forever cleaning up crumbs on the work surface. I mentioned that I had the runs so for her to make sure she's being careful with cross contamination.

When I approached her saying that I need her to be careful and clean up after herself she accused me of picking on her, bullying and being "over the top" because I don't like her eating gluten. She's tried GF alternatives that I buy and she doesn't like all of them. So I won't and can't force her to eat food she doesn't like but I've been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder which I can't help so I feel like I'm doing nothing wrong in just saying that we continue to respect each other as we always have done?

Or her mum could be a decent human being and NOT use the toaster OP bought to avoid contamination of her GF bread.

Yes her mum certainly should do this.

But - and it's a big BUT - as an allergic person you have to take responsibility for your health. Her mother can't be relied upon for whatever reason - so the OP needs to protect her health.

It would be different if she were a child but ultimately as an adult you have to protect your own health. When the OP leaves home and lives in a shared house, for eg, she'd be mad to rely on housemates to always remember her allergy. It's good to get into the habit of taking your own precautions.

YANBU!!! It's irritating and it's thoughtless! I run a totally GF house at home, so I just never have to worry about it. I can't imagine what it would be like if I still lived at home, or in a house share.

At my parents house I cover the grill with tin foil before I use it - I know it's always clean then, and have a "side" of the kitchen. But mistakes are still made. They're very good at cooking GF, but not so much with cross contamination. Like, I have my own butter there - great - but they will then offer me cheese with crumbs on it... so they sort of understand, but not entirely.

And I can still remember taking a swig of my glass of squash at my in-laws, and realising it was barley squash 🤦🏼‍♀️ my MIL was mortified!

My mum is generally a wonderful woman, but definitely in the "I don't believe in allergies" camp - even though she watched me get sicker and sicker for several years before all my tests. Her response to me and my sister having allergies, eczema, asthma etc. is "well, I never wrapped you in cotton wool. You were fed everything. I don't know why this happened."

I also have oral allergy syndrome, so in the UK I'm allergic to loads of raw fruit and veg and some nuts. My mum never believed me as a child when I told her my mouth was getting itchy, until the allergy got worse, and my lips started to swell too - which she could obviously see. But even now she's skeptical!

Read any thread on allergies, and you'll find the "I don't believe it / it never used to happen in my day" brigade. Doesn't matter what info you provide, or how many people die and make the news, they still don't believe it. Autoimmune diseases I should imagine are just as tricky for them to get their heads around.

Keep your food in boxes in the cupboards and fridge - padlocked if you need to! and no I'm not joking. And move out as soon as you are able to. You can't trust your mum with your health, so you need to be 100% responsible for it.

But - and it's a big BUT - as an allergic person you have to take responsibility for your health. Her mother can't be relied upon for whatever reason - so the OP needs to protect her health.

The op did protect her health and bought a separate toaster but her mum disregarded this and has contaminated it! My youngest child has coeliac disease was diagnosed at 2 years after being extremely ill and we are very conscious of cross contamination. She has a separate toaster with big stickers on it saying gluten free only her food is in a separate cupboard we use sperate cooking utensils for her stuff. Mainly all our dinners are gluten free but my other kids do eat normal bread and cereal but are all very conscious of their crumbs and would never be this lax with their gluten and they are kids. Your mum either does not care or does not understand the condition. Even the slightest crumb can do you damage and put you at risk of bowel cancer and osteoporosis and so on. Your mum needs to be more considerate and make an effort here it is hard enough to avoid cross contamination when eating out you need your own private kitchen to be safe.

@Troels

Gluten free black pudding:
Brindisia
Ramsey of Carluke
Macbeth’s of Forres
Findlay’s of Portobello

Oh and OP, YANBU

Yanbu careful eating can allow you to be well! My friend has colour coded kitchen gadgets - one is gf for her (toaster, butter dish, bread maker) another set is regular and there's a green set of certain things for a vegetarian dd. I personally avoid gluten because it makes me ill (but I've never been tested and have it occasionally) this is part of the issue - self diagnosis means people don't take it seriously. Coeliac is serious.

Zazie I may love you! Haven't tasted black pudding in 10 years.

Oh yeah - I meant to add that I have osteopenia too. (Pre-osteoporosis.) yay...... not.

Thanks for the replies and for sharing your experiences! She really isn't this nasty person I was just angry last night and needed to vent. Me moving out just isn't an option right now, that shit is just too expensive when I earn very little and have to buy GF bread ;)

She's actually read all of the literature I've been given and has researched CD fully I guess I caught her on a bad day. My parents are divorced and I'm an only child so it's just us two in the house. We get on great 80% of the time. I do most of the cooking as I work from home so I make everything GF. If she wants a specific gluten containing item that's when it goes haywire. She's been to all of my hospital appointments bar my dietician one but I'm thinking of her coming with me to my next one I'll be honest!

I did have a good laugh at having a toaster in my room. I need a de-clutter right away to even put it somewhere. Also the poster who said if I'm in my early 20's she must be in her 40's 😅I'm 24 and she is 60 so you'll have made her year! I do use toaster bags but they sweat the bread and it just isn't as nice. That's where I'm being picky I guess :P

@BarbariansMum Bury GF black pudding is fabulous 😍

Also, you should join "coeliacs eat out too" on Facebook if you haven't already. Loads of stuff on there about safe places to eat out, all over the UK and other parts of the world. Has been a life saver when we've been out and about!

@sar302 I've just requested to join. I'm not optimistic on any good finds that I don't already know as there isn't much where I live but handy if I'm someone else in the future :)

Zazie, thank you. I may well have a full english at this rate.

www.facebook.com/groups/Gloot/?ref=bookmarks this is a good one on facebook, very helpful.

I wouldn’t have thought about having to have two toasters. Didn’t realise you had to be so strict.

In answer to Curiousbysamphire, when I said ds was less sensitive to being glutened I just meant when accidents occur he's not on the toilet or feeling unwell for two weeks.
That's not to say that I take those accidents lightly and we do try to avoid them.

Coeliac disease is very very serious. Can you get her to attend a session with the local coeliac support group? Or take her to your GP for education? (You might need to "train" the GP with some materials to give her).

She sounds very selfish and ignorant of the disease. If she will not listen you will need to move out and never eat at her house again.

Does she realise how difficult it is going to be for you to eat out now? So home needs to be your safe haven?

It's not the runs that are the problem. It's the hidden damage taking place in your body right now that will damage your gut, contribute to developing further AI diseases, nutrient deficiencies and cancer?

You need someone else to have a chat with her. Speak to your local coeliac support group to see if they can help.

In the past coeliacs had their food on prescription from the dr. That was how serious it was before GF became more mainstream.

Does she realise people die of complications from this disease? It's a nasty nasty thing to live with.

I'm so upset for you OP!!!!

I'm lucky in that the results of me eating gluten are very, erm, obvious to anyone who shares a bathroom with me it can be harder if you're less symptomatic I suppose, to get your point across maybe?