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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be surprised by standards of cleanliness?

93 replies

yesok · 09/07/2019 20:23

I am a ftm, with very little experience of being around young children. Be kind!
My dd is now 1, and I always make sure her clothes are changed straight away if they get any food stains or general dirt on them. At mealtimes I peg a muslin on to high chair (like a huge bib) to ensure dropped bits of food are caught in that, a don't end up all over her. I haven't seen many others do the same.
High chairs in restaurants/pubs tend to be filthy. I have to wipe down but they really do need a deep clean.
I thought with babies & children it's important to keep germs at bay. But everywhere I go that is baby/child friendly, seem to be so grubby. Soft play centres. Baby change etc.
Do I need to chill out? Embrace the mess?

OP posts:

HelloyouKant · 09/07/2019 20:24

Yes, chill out please

ColaFreezePop · 09/07/2019 20:27

Yes chill out.

When your child goes to nursery if they don't come back dirty/covered in food/covered in paint/coated in sand then they have not been having fun and learning.

Apolloanddaphne · 09/07/2019 20:27

Once children are roaming around unfettered they tend to be grubby little creatures who are gravitate to the most unhygienic places and things. Don't make your DD have a complex about getting dirty. Allow her to explore her world and make a mess and get dirty. Dirty clothes won't harm her.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 09/07/2019 20:27

I think you will probably naturally lower the bar a little as time goes by. I have 2DC (1 and 3) and I certainly don't change them the minute they get something on their clothes. They are generally clean and happy children but I have no problem with a bit of mud or food stain on their clothes.
I agree that soft play is usually mingling (dreadful place anyway!) and highchairs in restaurants are usually grim because people don't clean them as they would their own.

Fizzymama · 09/07/2019 20:28

Yes definitely chill out.... if you have a second DC, I'm sure you won't be the same

Beesandcheese · 09/07/2019 20:28

Yes. Grubby is entirely acceptable social norm in child friendly spaces. You need to chill out and accept a lower level standard of cleanliness, politeness and customer service.

miaCara · 09/07/2019 20:28

Yes Im afraid youll need to chill a little otherwise you'll stress yourself out.
Just keep on with the muslin bib and wipe the chair your Dd will be using if eating out. A packet of wipes for a quick clean up for her hands if shes been playing will be more than most people do to be honest.

ParrotsForLife · 09/07/2019 20:29

I only change ds(2)’s clothes if he’s got piss or poo on them 🤷‍♀️

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 09/07/2019 20:30

Relax, and think of the grubby places as helping to develop dd's immune system

HiJenny35 · 09/07/2019 20:31

There's loads of studies that show that keeping an environment sterile and using lots of cleaning products is dangerous as children don't build up a resistance to germs.
Start going to Playgroup's and see you the children chewing/snotting on toys and then others picking them up and chewing them too, yuck!!!

I found it hard at first as pre children I was diagnosed with OCD and had germ and cleaning issues however having kids was the best thing that happened to me because I had to get over that and mainly have. I wanted my child to enjoy playing in sand, paint, mud, with food and that meant embracing mess and stickiness. We have a little girl at school who won't choose painting because mummy doesn't like her to look dirty, that makes me so sad. But yes I think if you can you need to try to chill a bit because it's so easy to pass our hang ups on to our children.

hannah1992 · 09/07/2019 20:33

Gosh. My youngest dd is 3 and shes always mucky. She plays in the garden alot and honestly if I washed her hands everytime they got a bit of dirt on them she would have no skin. My rules for the garden are. Wash hands when you're coming in and before eating.

My MIL was in a state of horror when she came the other day and she was filthy (she had been making mud pies). Her words were. What on earth are you doing letting her play like that. FIL said. Behave shes been brought up properly! Outside and filthy instead of being stuck in front of the tv 😂

And FWIW I never changed clothes that had food on them unless we were going out. If we were just in the house they got a quick wipe down. Why make more work for yourself?

AyBeeCee10 · 09/07/2019 20:34

Please chill out. You sound obsessed and probably creating anxiety issues for your child. It is important for them to also build up their immune system - with some germs!

KatharinaRosalie · 09/07/2019 20:36

Please chill. How can your child actively play outside if you change their clothes the second there's a stain? Dirt is important for their immune system and keeping everything sterile is not.

Haffdonga · 09/07/2019 20:38

I always make sure her clothes are changed straight away if they get any food stains

Why? In whose interest is this?

A smear of dinner on a sleeve or a blob of porridge on a top is not a sign or mould or bacteria. It isn't uncomfortable. It isn't harmful to leave it there until the next routine change of clothes such as bathtime. How does it benefit your dd to be constantly whipping her clothes on and off?

Could it be that you are more worried about appearances than health?

SimonJT · 09/07/2019 20:39

My son is alseep in pjs that are covered in snot and dry bean juice. I could have put him in a new pair, but I don’t fancy giving him a clear pair everyday. He has also recently discovered that instead of getting out of bed to get a tissue he can blow his nose on his duvet cover, again, there is no way I’m changing that everyday.

MammaMia19 · 09/07/2019 20:42

As pp said you won’t care about the state the second kid gets in.
I used to even take detol wipes out and clean high chairs/ public changing mats etc with my first.
My second won’t eat the food I give him but he will constantly eat dirt or crumbs from the floor. I’ve caught him eating grass, flip flops the lot. He also loves squashing food in his hair and I just baby wipe it off

MustardScreams · 09/07/2019 20:43

Keeping babies away from germs is detrimental to their health. If you’re using antibac all the and not letting her get grubby her immune system has no chance to come into contact with the bugs it needs to learn how to fight off. End result is you end up with a kid that gets floored by any slight illness.

Dd gets changed if she’s filthy, but a quick baby wipe is fine. Nursery send my daily photos and they’re mostly her out in mud/sand/on the floor having the time of her life. It’s good for kids to get dirty, when else can they do it? Making mud pies and catching worms, swimming in puddles etc is all much better than looking pristine and having everything wiped down all around you.

SlimGin · 09/07/2019 20:49

I do wipe down high chairs in cafes etc if they're visibly grubby and I agree that they should have a proper clean regularly, but no way could I change DD's clothes every time she gets a bit of food/other on them. She'd never stop crying!

ComeAndDance · 09/07/2019 20:51

Yep chill out.
And young children and babies NEED to be in contact with germs to be able to develop a healthy immune system.

I would also add that changing a child at least once if not more everyday because they have food stain on their clothes is quite bad for the environment. After a nappy leak, by all means yes! For some food, nope.

ElizabethJacketDeLaGuerre · 09/07/2019 20:51

Don't worry, OP. I am a bit of germaphobe, but even I had to admit defeat. They need to wash their hands before eating (or, now, preparing food). I was a bit obsessive about PFB and hygiene (esp. as I am emetophobic), but the first thing he did when DC2 came home was stick a soily fist in her mouth. My DC are now teenagers and are all still alive.

MrsBosh · 09/07/2019 20:57

I was quite uptight about this when my DS was under 1. I still wipe highchairs if visibly grubby but I'm laid back with stuff on clothes - I don't want more laundry to do and as PP said, a splash of bean juice or jam isn't dangerous to them.
OP, try to relax with one thing at a time. Build up tolerance e.g. leave dirty clothes on (obv within reason) and give a public highchair a cursory wipe rather than a deep clean.

Original poster

yesok · 09/07/2019 20:58

OK so I do need to chill. I suppose my thinking is that I wouldn't want to wear stained clothes, so why should my dd? But then again I don't crawl around floors and miss my mouth when eating!
My friends often say I'm OCDish when it comes to cleaning etc. I think I am a bit of a germophobe.
I do encourage messy play, I just clean her up thoroughly afterwards.
She's due to start nursery later this year, I'll aim to be far more chilled by then...

OP posts:

thenettyprofessor · 09/07/2019 20:59

When my pfb dropped her food on the floor i cleaned her etc
When my 2nd started eating the dog food i knew she was hungry

MamaFlintstone · 09/07/2019 21:01

Restaurant high chairs are definitely minging. But changing clothes if they get a little bit of food on them? Fuck that, my washing pile is big enough as it is.

Troels · 09/07/2019 21:02

I used to wipe down pub high chairs too, they can be pretty minging. However drips on clothes at home I never bothered about. First child I scrubbed the kitchen floor every morning cause he was mobile.
Third child we called the vacuum cleaner, I used to find bits of lint in her nappy, she's healthy.

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