Child benefit - who should claim?

[Justme1981]

Hi Duplicate post for traffic

Im separated from my husband, DS is 2. The child benefit is in my name but since split in nov my ex has forced me to send him half child benefit. Past 2 months I've not sent it as I needed the money. Hes now demsnding half & threatening to counter claim.
Ds is with me 4/7 nights, ex 3/7. I earn £38,000 ex roughly £19, 000. I pay all childcare costs, receive no maintenance. I live alone, ex lives with his dad.
Please can anyone give me an indication of what the child benefits people may decide?
I called them but they would only say that they would look at it when he makes a counter claim.

Aibu to keep child benefit?
Thank you in advance

When I used to work in this area (a few years back now, but AFAIK nothing has changed) HMRC would decide you were entitled to the ChB (and Child Tax Credits/UC dependent child component if applicable) as you have DC for more nights.

However the amount of nights your ex has them means he would pay reduced maintenance, which makes it fair for both of you. You're not expected to split ChB between you. If he had them more nights than usual for a while he could apply to have his maintenance reduced, or to take over the ChB himself. They take a few things into account when deciding who gets it, based on those you are clearly the one who is eligible. In cases where it is pretty much 50/50 who would get it, the official guidance said to award it to the Mother.

He's taking the piss expecting you to split it, especially given its such a small amount anyway. Its because he can then claim other benefits I imagine. My ex tried to get them to change it to him so he could claim Income Support (when it was still around). I got a letter to sign if I agreed, obviously I didn't so they told him no. He didn't appeal as he knew he'd lose!

If that is the way he is trying to control you, I would cease all contact & access until a court order is in place & see a solicitor asap. You will be asked to attend a mediation appointment but you don't have to go due to the abuse. Keep all text messages & make text your only form of communication as then you have a record & proof of the abuse. Your solicitor may be able to get you in court quickly to get a non molestation order due to your exes threats.

People that are saying you can't have a split claim but that's not true if there is more than one child: I claim benefit for one child and my ex claims benefit for the other (we also have a 4/3 weekly arrangement). I thought it was fair seeing as I get all the child tax credits.

You are the resident parent so you keep the child benefit and he should be paying you maintenance!

Speaking to a solicitor may be a waste of your money at the moment. If you're wanting to obtain a court order for custody then you need to find your nearest mediation. Make an application for that ASAP. A court won't see you until you've proved you've attended mediation. The only way out of that is by claiming domestic abuse, to which you will have to prove. Once you've attended mediation, you apply to the courts using a C100 form which costs £215.

Thanks all, im not sure what to do in all honesty. Ive called a DV service, im on their substantial waiting list, i just need this behaviour to stop. Today has completely shaken me. I should have just continued to send the money.

I remember your last thread.

You ex is a bully to the school staff to you.

You need to stand up to him or you are ever going bro be free of this mans control.

I agree do the freedom program .

People that are saying you can't have a split claim but that's not true if there is more than one child: I claim benefit for one child and my ex claims benefit for the other (we also have a 4/3 weekly arrangement). I thought it was fair seeing as I get all the child tax credits.

That's exactly the solution I recommend for 2-child families in this scenario. It's not actually splitting a claim though, it's making 2 separate claims. HMRC won't actually "split" a claim.

Thanks all, im not sure what to do in all honesty. Ive called a DV service, im on their substantial waiting list, i just need this behaviour to stop. Today has completely shaken me. I should have just continued to send the money.

I'm not surprised you're shaken OP, and that was exactly your ex's intention. And getting you to send the money was his objective all along.

I'd be very reluctant to allow contact given this latest development. To refuse to return a child to the primary carer after contact must surely be a good enough reason to withold unsupervised contact, ffs? My instincts are to tell him that, in view of his refusal to return your son until you had paid him money, you will no longer permit unsupervised or overnight contact and that contact visits must take place outside his home.

Then let him arrange the mediation and stump up the £200+ for the court fee.

He will try and make you feel petty for doing this over a mere £40, but it's not about the money. It's about him using your son to control you, his abusive behaviour and the fact that you can't trust him to stick to arrangements.

Please make sure you keep the texts about this, you may need them as evidence later on.

If he threatens to not return your child again, instead of giving in to him, get yourself an emergency court order and you'll be seen the same day. Your child will then be removed from him and returned to you as primary Carer. It then speeds up the process of a contact order.

Im worried about doing that as i run the risk of court giving ds to him. Ive set up a standing order for half child benefit to go to him monthly, hopefully this wont happen again

I will be clear this won’t be the end of it he has just found a new way of manipulating / controlling you

🤦🏼‍♀️ he will just find something else

His behaviour is nasty and childish.

That being said, I think we has a point.
From what I've read about your arrangement (you linked to previous thread etc), he spends more daytime time with your son than you do because of your working arrangements even if you have more nights.

And he doesn't particularly want or need the nursery - that's surely your choice and your cost to bear.

I think splitting the child benefit is fair, though it might make more sense for him to claim it and give you half so he can also claim other benefits and tax credits which he might be entitled to but you not as him having a decent income benefits your son.

You only need nursery for childcare one day a week, and have a decent income. Even if his living costs are less than yours his income is far less.

Can you change his nursery days to the days you have him so he can’t threaten not to send him?

He will continue using your DC as a method to control/ abuse you. That is who he is. Appeasing an abuser doesn't work apnd your life will be miserable anticipating what he'll do next. And your DC will be dampaged too.

It is scary, but taking control and facing the abuse is the only way you can have the life you are both entitled to. Look at the FP.