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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child benefit - who should claim?

91 replies

Justme1981 · 09/07/2019 06:38

Hi Duplicate post for traffic

Im separated from my husband, DS is 2. The child benefit is in my name but since split in nov my ex has forced me to send him half child benefit. Past 2 months I've not sent it as I needed the money. Hes now demsnding half & threatening to counter claim.
Ds is with me 4/7 nights, ex 3/7. I earn £38,000 ex roughly £19, 000. I pay all childcare costs, receive no maintenance. I live alone, ex lives with his dad.
Please can anyone give me an indication of what the child benefits people may decide?
I called them but they would only say that they would look at it when he makes a counter claim.

Aibu to keep child benefit?
Thank you in advance

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 09/07/2019 07:41

He would have to prove he was the resident parent, that he had ds the majority of the time. They would look at which address was used for the gp, preschool etc. And who paid the childcare costs.

Honestly just tell him to do one. He hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

BeanBag7 · 09/07/2019 07:42

Will your DS be entitled to free preschool hours from September?

Does your ex pay for clothes, toys, presents etc. For him? If he covers 50% of the costs and has nearly 50% of the time I think he isn't unreasonable to ask for 3/7ths of the child benefit

MustardScreams · 09/07/2019 07:46

Child benefit is for the resident parent. Splitting it is bonkers. If it was meant to be split you would be able to apply for it.

Reallybadidea · 09/07/2019 07:47

Are you happy with your ds being with his dad 3 nights a week? Seems quite unsettling for such a young child to be shuttled between 2 different homes.

EdtheBear · 09/07/2019 07:47

Who buys the kids clothes, and shoes?
That's where CB should go.

Be careful about ex claiming CB. The CB claimant gets NI credits until the youngest child reaches school age. Doesn't affect things now while you both work and pay NI but could affect things if things change work wise.

Original poster
Justme1981 · 09/07/2019 07:47

He wont get the free hours until hes 3.
Ex pays for food & clothes etc at his.
Shoes we pay half each, ive only ever seen him in clothes ive paid for, he sends him back in exactly the same clothes i sent him in, down to the socks.
Assuming he buys toys he took half when we split i send ds with toys to exs but again returns with toys i sent & never brings any from there to here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme1981 · 09/07/2019 07:48

No im not happy about arrangement but its what we have

OP posts:
silvercuckoo · 09/07/2019 07:50

He should be paying the childcare on his days
Morally he should, but there is no legal requirement for him to do so, and no one can enforce this.
Residence is counted in terms of "overnights", not days. I had a court made 50/50 residence split order where the father had the children from 7pm to 7am on his days. There was no maintenance due, and daytime childcare costs were fully my responsibility.

MustardScreams · 09/07/2019 07:50

If there is no court order you don’t have to split the week this way if it isn’t in your ds’ benefit. And I can’t see how being shuttled between 2 houses every week is in anyway beneficial to a 2 year old.

Reallybadidea · 09/07/2019 07:50

If you're not happy then it sounds like you need to go to mediation/Court to get an agreement in place. For this and the financial side of things.

MustardScreams · 09/07/2019 07:51

Does he have his own room at his dad’s house?

flissity · 09/07/2019 07:51

We have same arrangement (3/4nights)

I claim CB and exh pays a very small amount CM (£10 a week) but he pays for clothes and uniform at his house and also clubs on the nights that he had them. I pay for all same as above, plus school trips.

I wouldn't swap over the CB claim to him, what would happen in the future if you lost your job etc? You'd need to be in position to claim tax credits

Original poster
Justme1981 · 09/07/2019 07:54

Yes he has his own room at his dads so does ds

OP posts:
Snowy111 · 09/07/2019 07:57

If you have a 5050 arrangement he should be paying half of childcare costs. He’s a cf asking for half CB.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/07/2019 08:01

Do not send him half. He is not financially supporting his child. This money is for all the cost of a child and he's barely paying for any. I know he's a bully but you need more support to help you stand up to him.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/07/2019 08:03

You have him the majority of the time, the cb is yours. Tell him if he carries on you will go to the cms for maintenance too the cheeky shit

LakieLady · 09/07/2019 08:05

Yes we use my address for gp & will be used for schools.
He believes we are 50/50 and therefore he should get half child benefit.

DWP does not recognise equal/shared custody. It's good that your address is the one used for GP, school etc as this is one of the things that they look at when a counter claim is made.

I smell a bit of a rat. If he was to get CB paid to him, it could entitle him to UC. If he was entitled to UC and was getting the CB, he would be entitled to housing costs for a 2-bed property. It would also make it feasible for him to go on the council's housing register as a single parent, and claim that he was homeless as he was just "staying" with his father. It would give him much higher priority for social housing.

Sounds ridiculous, I know, but many of years of working in homelessness and benefits have shown me some of the steps people are prepared to go to ger housed and to increase benefit entitlement.

Anyone have any idea what would happen if he counter claimed?

The DWP investigate. As well as the points made above, they would look at things like if the child had a room at each home, where their clothes/toys etc were kept etc.

OP, I'd suggest you apply for a residence order asap.

Desmondo2016 · 09/07/2019 08:07

Me and my ex were in this position as I earnt double him but we had the 2 kids exactly 50 50. He claimed it as this entitled him to claim housing benefit and tax credits which gave them 2 proper homes to live in which he wouldn't have been able to provide on just his salary. He gave me 150 a month and we were therefore both better off than we would have been if I'd claimed it.

BeanBag7 · 09/07/2019 08:13

The dad is paying for everything except childcare. He doesnt need the childcare on his days so why should he pay for it. OP said everything is split 50/50 like clothes, toys etc. I dont see why the CB shouldnt be split as well. And why should the ex pay child maintenance when he has the child nearly 50% of the time and earns considerably less than OP?

If the tables were turned and ex had him 4 days out of 7, would you all be telling OP to hand over child benefit to him and start paying maintenance. I dont think so

cookingonwine · 09/07/2019 08:19

I have shared care with my ex ... my ex earns less then me so he claims the child benefit. If the monies will benefit the child then yes I believe you should spilt it.

MustardScreams · 09/07/2019 08:20

You don’t split it because there is no way to split it. You can’t apply for 3/7ths of CB. Of course he should be paying maintenance if he’s not the RP. He should also be paying 3/7ths of childcare because if he wants to be treated fairly with splitting the CB why wouldn’t he be paying fairly also?

MustardScreams · 09/07/2019 08:22

Bearing in mind this is all over £8 a week. I think that’s pretty pathetic of him considering he has minimal outgoings.

BeanBag7 · 09/07/2019 08:25

If you want to make a maintenance claim go through the official channels but I cant see them giving you much as you have him 57% of the time and earn twice as much.

BeanBag7 · 09/07/2019 08:26

@MustardScreams if its such a paltry amount why doesnt the OP want to give it to him.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2019 08:30

Op does ExP work? You said he'd pull him from child care, so what does he do for childcare in his days?

Wondering if you cost out his childcare against the CB he wants to show he still owes you support.
Alt transfer him 3/7th and out in a claim for Child Support