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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand why people on here are so rude?

85 replies

Gre8scott · 09/07/2019 06:20

Ive just read 3 different posts from people asking advice and everyone of them have received really rude and cutting replies. No nice advice or support just seems people on here come here to be assholes.
So AIBU not understand why people are so rude?

OP posts:

Gardai · 09/07/2019 07:32

You are working from the premise that the OP of the original post is genuine, when you’ve been here a few years you get to know that some posters ask a really obvious aibu, probably more fitting to a sub board on purpose, then they start a bunfight, fling in a few obscenities, get everyone going and are basically having a laugh. It’s best not to assume everyone is genuine.

Greysparkles · 09/07/2019 07:39

Also, I think if you are asking for help, you have a pretty strong obligation to get your spelling and grammar right - not doing so is incredibly rude. It really isn't difficult

Seriously?

Also if people find themselves getting frustrated enough to be outright rude over a complete strangers posting style, then I think they need to step away from the computer tbh

WellErrr · 09/07/2019 10:07

Also, I think if you are asking for help, you have a pretty strong obligation to get your spelling and grammar right

Are you being serious?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/07/2019 10:10

Do you include the "Hello girls tell me how to look more like a woman" thread?

Pshaw! Sometimes Fuck Off is the only answer!

JacquesHammer · 09/07/2019 10:15

I think MN is pretty tame to be honest.

The "next of vipers" trope is total hyperbole.

TheFaerieQueene · 09/07/2019 10:17

Tbh I don’t take anything on here very seriously.

CitadelsofScience · 09/07/2019 10:18

So someone wanting to look like a woman by using makeup isn't allowed to have snippy replies when we can clearly see the subtext?

surlycurly · 09/07/2019 10:24

Actually I don't just think it's on AIBU. The relationships board is a bit feral of late too. It's the vitriolic responses, the throw away nature of the meanness of response that is so unnecessary. It's all become about acronyms and being cutting re people's situations. You can't narrow down the sum total of someone's life experience to a LTB and expect that not to hurt. If it was your friend you were giving the advice to, you wouldn't throw that kind of advice in their face like that. Compassion and consideration for other seem to be sorely lacking. I've seen a big shift and the slightly neddy aggressiveness of some posters really puts me off. Fair enough, have different opinions, but be bloody nice in the way you express them. Life is hard enough.

Piglet89 · 09/07/2019 10:29

I am the biggest grammar pedant going, but the following statement is absolutely illogical:

Also, I think if you are asking for help, you have a pretty strong obligation to get your spelling and grammar right.

What, because you don’t know/weren’t taught correct spelling and grammar, you don’t deserve help or advice?! Get real.

UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe · 09/07/2019 10:31

I hate the posters who just reply with “get over yourself fgs” “get a grip ffs”. So needlessly cunty.

Etino · 09/07/2019 10:32

Picking up on SPAG is really wanky.

CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 10:35

Some posters are rude.

Some OPs are daft.

Some people hate having the wider ramifications of their decisions pointed out to them.

Some people can't deal with anyone disagreeing with them.

Some people are unempathetic.

Some people are overly sentimental.

Take you pick. I'm sure most of us fall into one or more of these categories at some point or another.

JacquesHammer · 09/07/2019 10:43

Picking up on SPAG is really wanky

It really is. Unless the person doing it has a reputation for doing so, and then makes a glaring error themselves. Then it's a public service

BinkyBaa · 09/07/2019 11:00

Some people get really triggered on here. I've seen quite a few threads where the OP has written a fairly long and reasonable post, but theres just one sentence in there that I know is going to fixate people and make them ignore the rest. (Think something like a thread about a problem relative who's behaviour is genuinely vile, but the op also mentions that the person is obese. Guaranteed they're going to get a lot of yabu comments just for mentioning weight, and far fewer comments containing advice).

I think an anonymous forum sets people up to want to vent about their own experiences, so when a 'pet peeve' topic comes up like weight/breastfeeding/brexit and so on, it easily derails the thread and gets nasty.

DisputedChair · 09/07/2019 11:32

I think MN is pretty tame to be honest.

The "next of vipers" trope is total hyperbole.

Agree. And while I absolutely acknowledge that AIBU in particular is predisposed to fights, and that there are some posters who are complete thugs with a side order of playground nastiness, I do also think that some posters on here seem to be very uncomfortable with having their views/account of a situation challenged, or indeed with any form of conflict at all. I assume that if you are someone who lives in a 'Whatever you say, hun' world, then simply being disagreed with is shocking.

FiveShelties · 09/07/2019 11:40

It is so easy to change your name which enables people to be able to say anything and everything. Always easy to post horrible things when you will change your name tomorrow, and the day after etc.

Perhaps if people had to stand by their posts they would not be as 'brave'.

tomatosalt · 09/07/2019 13:28

@Thinkinghappythoughts - I don’t think frustration justifies a rude response.
I suspect a good portion of rude people are posters who regularly read these threads and have been doing so for some time who are finding it frustrating and lashing out. In real life we don’t meet people on a very regular basis who describe such intimidate details of their relationships to us.

dustarr73 · 09/07/2019 13:46

I find the first few responses set the tone of the thread.Or certain posters who think they are God.Once you get them on a thread the clique soon follows.

Notcopingwellhere · 09/07/2019 14:00

I agree that MN is getting more and more toxic and that people use it as an outlet to say things that they would never dare to voice in real life. That can be cathartic for some, but I find it depressing that so many have these aggressive or dogmatic thoughts that they want to express. It’s so rare to read anyone who says “I can see where you’re coming from, but have you thought about it this way...?” Or “I probably haven’t got the full picture here, can you clarify...?”

To give an example, there was thread on here recently in which the OP asked for advice in relation to a terminally ill relative. I gave a suggestion and explained that I was suggesting this based on my own recent experience with my mother’s terminal illness. About 5 minutes later a poster jumped on my post and said “Ignore that OP I am GENUINELY SHOCKED that anyone would make such a ridiculous suggestion”. When I challenged her and asked for some basic courtesy I was told that it was discourteous of ME not to accept that she had a different opinion. And of course it transpired that she had never had the misfortune of knowing anyone with a terminal illness and was just “imagining what it might be like if it happened to her”!

Why not just say “Interesting about Notcoping*’s experience, personally I wonder if that’s the right thing for you to do here OP...”.

People don’t stop to think that there are real people seeing their words.

Notcopingwellhere · 09/07/2019 14:08

I also think that people mostly type on phones and find it too much hassle to type the courteous bits so just dive straight into their blunt comments.

Tigger001 · 09/07/2019 14:15

They are cowards mostly. They probably have lots of pent up anger over things in life but don't have the guts to say it to the persons face in real life, so they come on here to shout at people to release it, pathetic really.

Some also think its like a badge of honour, someone asked why AIBU has been reduced to such anger, and people were replying as if it's s good thing and don't come on the thread unless you are hard enough to take a tongue lashing off someone.

One thing that made me laugh was someone posted this was supposed be a higher class thread than netmums, with higher class people 😂😂😂😂 really not the case of most is see on here, wouldn't know what class was if it bit them in their behind.

UrsulaPandress · 09/07/2019 14:17

Very true notcoping

surlycurly · 09/07/2019 14:21

@dustarr73 I concur. If one of the Mumsnet big names rocks up with their opinions then hell mend you if you have a different opinion. I never post on a thread when I see one of them. No point. It's like the senior common room at school. Any other point of view can be kissed goodbye then as the swarm of would be accepted cool kids jump on their band wagon. I didn't buy into all that shit then, and I don't do it now. I genuinely don't think there is enough kindness in the world without people being wankers to each other on the internet. Save it for the people in your life that deserve it.

Opossooom · 09/07/2019 14:23

It’s awful when people are genuinely asking for advice. But some OPs put quite scathing undertones on their posts which are rude in themselves. Therefore your opening a shit storm themselves.

UrsulaPandress · 09/07/2019 15:39

Who are the big names? I barely recognise anyone on here anymore.

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