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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a thank you?!

93 replies

crispysausagerolls · 08/07/2019 22:54

Went to a wedding a few months ago. 5 hour round trip which necessitated a hotel stay. Plus bought a very nice gift from their list.

Not so much as a thank you text, let alone a card. Nothing. How is this acceptable? AIBU to want a thank you?! And, if not, can I do anything about it?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 09/07/2019 06:47

When was the wedding?

Sunshine93 · 09/07/2019 06:50

It is rude. The honeymoon thing is awful unless there is a personal reason.

On both of these thoigh there is nothing you can do about it. Not sure what you even mean by that, are you suggesting a punishment or sanction?

Limpshade · 09/07/2019 06:52

It's really poor form as newlyweds not to send a thank you card for a wedding gift. Yes, thank you cards are going out of fashion but I believe wedding presents are the exception and yes, your guests will expect them. Some couples do take a while to get them out, but if it's been six months or more then it's probably not coming.

PolarBearOnARaft · 09/07/2019 06:56

It took us 6 months to get our asses in gear to send out thank you cards...I was waiting to send nice photos of people with them. But I did send them. It was rude and I should have done it earlier.

Yes it’s rude not to send thank you cards.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2019 07:06

I insist dd sends thank yous for gifts. So I find this incredibly rude. The same happened with the last wedding dh and I went to. Family as well.

Isatis · 09/07/2019 07:07

I wouldn't expect to be thanked for attending a wedding or any other social event. Doesn't the thanks for that lie in the fact that guests have had a good meal and all that booze? But yes, they should send thanks for the present.

ilikepurple · 09/07/2019 07:22

They seem to be a thing of the past. The last four weddings we have been to, none have sent a thank you. When they ask for cash it always bothers me as you never know if they received it!

Two of those weddings were abroad and cost in excess of £1k to attend!

I can't blame the youth of today as one of the weddings was people in their 40s!

neighbourhoodwitch · 09/07/2019 07:24

My god!! So rude of them!!

Tooner · 09/07/2019 07:30

I think its just the way now for many youngsters to just not bother saying thankyou and it's actually so much easier now with mobiles they can send a text but they don't even bother doing that. Infuriates me.

verticality · 09/07/2019 07:41

YANBU that this is graceless and rude behaviour. Handwritten thank yous should be sent!

YABU to be so exercised about a minor infraction of the rules that you're preoccupied with it to the point of making a thread about it. In a world that is full of injustice and wrong, this is minor beyond mention.

MissB83 · 09/07/2019 07:44

I find it rude. I got a lot of gifts for my son's birth and his christening and I wrote out to everyone within a couple of weeks because it's what I was brought up to do, and I really was grateful for their kindness to him.

TheStuffedPenguin · 09/07/2019 07:45

It seems there is this trend now with weddings and babies that a quick thank you card or note is now not acceptable and you have to do a formal upmarket thing with some amazing pic of the couple or baby on it . ( that is if they haven't spent all their money on hen trips to Dubai ,Mr and Mrs signs , chair tags and all the other unnecessary paraphernalia that goes with weddings now) . In my experience this can take up to 5 months to appear.

Sagradafamiliar · 09/07/2019 07:46

Maybe you're all a bit rude in your family. It's slightly rude to not offer a more profuse 'thank you' but it's also rude to expect a written card, which are a bit outdated and formal for family members.
You returned the 'favour' of them having attended your wedding. It's generally assumed that if you're at a wedding, it's because you wanted to be there. You could have declined attending.
As for the gift, I think it's crass to put terms and conditions on giving one. Meh.

bebeboeuf · 09/07/2019 07:47

I got married in November last year and due to some disasters at home and in the family I haven’t got round to sending thank you a yet.
Hoping people don’t judge us for it as not many people know what’s happened

Vulpine · 09/07/2019 07:47

I assume you had a lovely time and lots of stuff was free? So essentially they threw a free party. I love a good wedding weekend and visiting new places. It's ace.

Amibeingdaft81 · 09/07/2019 07:54

They sound unpleasant
You sound unpleasant
I’m not surprised you’re “friends”

Shodan · 09/07/2019 08:02

No thank you card/text/email/phone call is crass and merely demonstrates what kind of person you are.

Nowadays a text, email or phone call would be fine for a family member but really, for a wedding where you've provided a gift list (which, it could be said, is presumptuous ) basic good manners should dictate that you respond with a written note.

It doesn't need to be long, and there's no reason to include pictures, and it should be sent within a reasonable time frame- three months maximum. (unless there are VERY good reasons not to do so).

Good manners are still important.

grumiosmum · 09/07/2019 08:18

Exactly what Shodan said

DogHasEatenTheSqueaker · 09/07/2019 08:18

We waited for our professional pics to come back, then for vistaprint to make one of them into cards - all in all took about 6 weeks from wedding to posting. Got a rollicking from my mum for the delay!

Did send a thank you out on social media first... (she didn’t see that though!)

FrancisCrawford · 09/07/2019 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swoopinggulls · 09/07/2019 08:29

I don't care about a written thank you if I've handed over the gift so I know they've got it. It's the not knowing when you've ordered online or whatever.
To be honest, I'd rather have a quick note of thanks than wait six months for a photo, all the while wondering if the present was received.

RuggerHug · 09/07/2019 08:31

It is bad form at the very least. They could be waiting until they have the photo cards made so depending on when the wedding was I'd give them a bit more time but if it doesn't arrive before Christmas I'd knock them off the card list.

LoveB · 09/07/2019 08:32

It took us ages to get our professional photos back, which we wanted to use on our thank you cards. Think we sent ours out 3 months after the wedding, I felt awful, but after 2 months wait I kind of thought well I may as well keep waiting (for the photos). I blame the photographer! I did also apologise in the cards for them being late.

Piffle11 · 09/07/2019 08:34

Every wedding I've been to, I've received a thank you card after the day. They usually arrive about a month after - in one case around 3 months after (but they had A LOT of people at their wedding) - but they always arrive. I thought it was 'a thing' to send a card after the wedding - the cards I receive always have a picture of the happy couple on the front. I think thank you cards in general are on the decline: I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing … that's a lot of waste to go in the bin! BUT!!! - I do think a thank you of some kind is always a good idea. My nephew texts me, I've had thank yous over FB, email: all good. Yes you don't give in order to be thanked, but it's just good manners, surely? I can't imagine being sent a gift and not acknowledging the time, effort, and money someone put in to get it to me.

LondonJax · 09/07/2019 08:36

YANBU regarding the thank you note. We've taught our DS that, even if it's just a text, he says thank you. He always writes little thank you notes and we put in a recent school photo for family and our friends at birthday and Christmas (we live a long way from family so it's a nice way of them seeing him grow up).

I also think they are CF's for putting in a gift list when they didn't consider it important to get you one for your wedding. Either you don't believe in gifts for weddings, so you don't send and you don't expect or you do and do both.

As for not having a honeymoon when they'd asked for money for a honeymoon - that's the reason I hate this craze. For some it's a way of getting the cash together for a holiday, for others it's just pure greed. I'd rather find out where they'd book the honeymoon and give them vouchers - that way they can't spend on anything but the fictitious honeymoon!