Having Lost Weight, what do I say to this?

[DamnItAllToHell]

I was a size 10 to 12 for years when young. After 4 kids, born over a 20 year span, I ended up slightly into the obese range of BMI and weighed almost 13 stone. My clothes size was variable, which I believe is due to shit sizing by manufacturers these days, and which meant I could no longer say what dress size I was to compare with my youth.

Anyway, afetr a health scare just over 2 and half years ago, my GP offered me 12 weeks free at slimming world, which I took and which worked well. I now hover slightly over into the overweight range, but mostly am at the top end of normal. I am 5ft 4inches tall and weigh 10st 7lb. I have been this weight for almost 2 years and have never exceeded the 3lbs up/down leeway given by slimming world to target members.

I feel healthy (mostly), and I can walk further than I have done in years. Trouble is other people! From my mother (who was never a great mother, so we don't have a fantastic relationship) to people at my weekly hobby group, I have lost count of how many of them have said "don't lose anymore weight, you've lost enough" . My Mother takes this further and says I look haggard and am too obsessed with food and what I can/can't eat.

It's true I do try and be careful. because I don't want to end up back where I was before losing weight, but since I am at the top, the VERY top of normal range, surely IANBU to want to stay around that weight? FFS I could go a lot lower and still be classed as in a normal range!

Can someone please give me some responses that won't make me sound horrible or too defensive?

Just say thanks. So annoying. I agree.

In a similar position to you and yes people say this all the time to me.if anything I want to lose a bit now as I think I am wandering into Overweight. I think we are so used to seeing bigger people it’s the new norm Be the weight you are comfortable with.

Completely ignore them. Your weight isn’t for other people. It’s for you. You don’t lose weight meet their goals. Just your own. If you have another goal set then go for it. If not, then don’t worry. Be happy with all you have achieved.

So just smile and say thank you and carry on as before

I've been in your shoes OP. At my heaviest I was 15 stone 2lbs. For the past 14 years I have kept a few pounds either side of 8 stone 4.

I got the "haggard" comments all the time. Usually from people who were overweight themselves.

I just ignored them, said nothing and eventually they accepted the new me.

Why do you want to respond?

Just smile, nod and change the subject.

It's the law. 'Wow, you look great! But don't lose too much now'. It's like talking about the weather and to be taken as seriously.

I lost almost 6 stone in weight 5 years ago (from 14.2 stone to 8.5) and after I lost the first 4 stone, people were telling me to 'stop losing weight you look great now'. I was still overweight!! The same people has told me 'you don't need to change, your size suits your personality as you're so bubbly'. I was obese FFS!

I think it's because they weren't used to seeing me slimmer that the 'stop losing weight' comments came from. And I think quite a few people were slightly envious.

Focus on your health and strength though, NOT numbers or clothes sizes. I easily maintain at around 8.12 stone now but I only weigh myself once a month or so.

I continued to lose weight until my BMI reached 22 and I felt much fitter healthier and could easily run 5-10k. I would like to lose a teeny little more but I think my body is happy.

Ignore other people, you know your body and your health!

Thank you all.

I don't plan on losing any more weight - I think when you get to a certain age (over 60 - and I am) a bit of padding is no bad thing. But I m a terrible people pleaser, mainly due to my upbringing, so I don't dare respond with anything much - but then end up feeling judged and as though I have let myself down by not standing up for myself

And I have never understood the "haggard" comments either.

Lots of overweight people have haggard looking faces, so it's not unique to slimmer people.

I got the "haggard" comments all the time. Usually from people who were overweight themselves.

Ahhhhh you may have something there - my Mother and several others who have passed comment are indeed overweight themselves!

I don’t think women can ever win with their weight. If you’re overweight the people will say you need to do something and when you do something you’ve done something, then you have done too much. In my experience, the best response is “I’m trying to stay healthy”. I find, there isn’t so much arguing with that as it takes the focus away from weight.

Oh that is extremely irritating, does she struggle with weight?
Definitely jealously, nothing you can do except rise above, perhaps treat yourself every time it happens

I'd politely (or not, if you've had enough) ask exactly how many pounds and ounces she'd like you to weigh. Then ask how much your waist should measure, and your inner thighs, to the nearest quarter-inch, and ask where she'd like you to accommodate fluctuations after drinking a pint of water, etc.

Hopefully, if you ask in enough detail, this will highlight that it's ridiculous to want another person to weigh what suits you.

Ignore people who use the word "haggard": it says more about their unkindness than it does about your appearance. It's the first insult thrown at people who have successfully lost weight. No one ever congratulates anyone on a massive weight gain, but people do like to get unpleasant when others lose it.

It's your body! If no one's asking how you feel, ignore what they say about how you look. Enjoy your body; enjoy feeling better, enjoy walking further: that's fantastic.

I'm sorry people are dicks. x

For someone to make comment on your weight I would say it jealousy. Even if I thought it I would never say anything because ultimately it's non of my business plus I don't understand these people who seem to have so much free time to take such an interest in other people's lives.

If you feel happy and healthy then just ignore everyone and concentrate on you

So many lovely supportive comments from you all - thank you so much!

I get this and usually smile and say, thank you but I’m still in the overweight BMI range and plan to get to healthy range. Generally that stops further comments but if they continue I say something about how we’re just more used to seeing overweight people these days. If they’re offended by that they shouldn’t be commenting on anyone else’s body in the first place.

Ignore them. Congratulations on your weightless.
My sister went from 14stone to 9.5 on slimming world, when she got to 11 she looked lots slimmer, we did worry as it was happening so fast she was always big and worried she'd go to far.
She is settled at 9.5 the past 2 years and now it has become her, she suites her weight and looks great.
They may be concerned it is a huge difference already. Congratulations, keep going as long as you get and stay with the healthy BMI you'll be fine.

to be fair when I look at pictures of myself when I last lost a lot of weigh, I did look very haggard and gaunt and not at all attractive to my eyes anyway I felt good though which is surely the most important thing.

I think it was also a matter of the difference and what I was used to looking like. People have a picture of you in their head so they may genuinely be worried that you are looking very different. Take no notice, they (and you) will get used to the new you and congratulations on losing the weight.

Well done for your weight loss OP it's not the easiest thing to achieve & maintain. I bet you feel fantastic health wise :-)

Would it be better if they said "You look SOOOO much better now, make sure you never get as big as you were before, as that was awful!"

Would it be better if they said "You look SOOOO much better now, make sure you never get as big as you were before, as that was awful!"

as long as your ok fit healthy happy then try and let it go if you can.
be careful becoming to obsessive of course.you shouldnt have to live your life by numbers.
and this is why the bmi is bollocks most of the time.you might be judt heading into that overwieght but for your body type,shape,person you might just be this weight and be perfect there.so not overweight at all!there are athletes overweight and very fit people overweight but are far fitter and healthier than any person slimmer.
and whn you do start to go lower than what your body wants to be then you cn start to look not great and a bit ill.even at a 'non ill' weight so to speak.
but just try and be happy for you.we get so much influence on our body image way one or another.
and we need to be building eacohter up not making us feel like shit and then doing it to others.
you sound like a really kind person,senstive and lovely.determined and hard working to get to where you have.and brilliant for changing your health around.so therefore i think that makes you pretty beautiful all round.

I'd ask what the smiley face means, but am not sure it's actually worth it.

I think the people making those comments are bang out of order - I think their comments may come from jealousy. You do what feels right to you OP, stay healthy and happy and ignore comments like those. I used to be naturally thin, and I got the "put some weight on", "you need to eat a steak/burger" comments all the time.