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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to Australia for the weekend?!

920 replies

HufflepuffHarpy · 07/07/2019 07:16

My best friend (male if relevant) is getting married in the autumn. I'm in the UK (where we both grew up) he now lives in Australia.

I desperately want to go to the wedding.

It will cost £1000 for the flight plus accomodation etc over there which is in no way small money.

I have 4DC so would be asking my parents (very hands on babysitters, have had them for me and DH to go on holiday etc) to have the DC (all under 10) while DH is at work.

I would leave on a thursday AM flight and get back tuesday pm. SO literally fly in for the wedding, the day after and then back home.

Am I being totally crazy to consider this?! (Haven't actually asked DH yet!!)

OP posts:
cherriesandoranges · 09/07/2019 12:01

@HufflepuffHarpy hope you have a great time and ignore all the negative cynical comments on here. Typical mn pmt fun bashing comments! Have a blast!! X

DexyMidnight · 09/07/2019 12:35

SoyDora I agree there's so much mental jealousy on this thread. OP has 4 (we assume from context happy and healthy) children, a lovely DH, help from parents, can afford to ge a SAHM, has money to spoil herself with, a best friend.

MarshaBradyo · 09/07/2019 12:38

And the environmental concerns

Jealousy too? or just a climate emergency going on

MarshaBradyo · 09/07/2019 12:39

We really are screwed

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 12:50

Wow SoyDora and DexyMidnight, where the hell did you dredge jealousy up from?!

What an unbelievably immature stance to take, smacks of "no-one likes me, it must be because I'm so beautiful..."

Jeeeezuss

DexyMidnight · 09/07/2019 12:52

Personally I think the environmental concerns are probably well intended (but often hypocritical).

DexyMidnight · 09/07/2019 12:56

There's no need to dredge it... Comments like 'you weren't even invited you stalker' 'why the competitive friending OP' and 'are you sure you don't want to be the bride' are astonishingly jealous.

Notcopingwellhere · 09/07/2019 12:57

For goodness sake, nobody was saying the environmental arguments were motivated by jealousy. That was directed at the other naysayers and the ones who were questioning OP’s motivation for attending/generally sucking the fun out of her idea. It’s not all about you, eco-warriors, no need to be so defensive.

MarshaBradyo · 09/07/2019 13:00

Lol
Eco warriors

I think it’s the norm now to be concerned are you not?

Notcopingwellhere · 09/07/2019 13:02

Yes, if you actually read my previous posts you would see that Hmm. Eco-warrior is not a derogatory term!

MarshaBradyo · 09/07/2019 13:16

It sounds more dated these days

But I am glad you are

SoyDora · 09/07/2019 13:38

Wow SoyDora and DexyMidnight, where the hell did you dredge jealousy up from?!

From the comments implying that the OP is an obsessed stalker who wasn’t even invited in the first place and wants to marry the friend herself.

I actually agree with the environmental concerns to an extent. It’s the petty accusations of her being a stalker that smack of jealousy.

Ilfie · 09/07/2019 13:45

Sounds good in theory but speaking as someone who goes to Sydney every year... the flight is pretty gruesome and takes a good day to get over.The thought of doing it again a couple of days later sounds like hell! Try to make it at least a week and a fortnight would be even better, but still not wonderful

dragonfruitshoot · 09/07/2019 13:45

I fully admit that I am guilty of hypocrisy on environmental responsibility. In my life time I have flown loads, I ate meat, etc etc. I didn't drive but that was more circumstances than environmental concerns. I didn't plan to have children and took the view that as that was the worse thing you could do for the environment I was ok to carry on as I was. I was concerned about climate change and recycled and tried to reuse and cut back on meat consumption but honestly I thought that as I wasn't bringing anyone into the world to inherit it, I had less responsibility as to what state I left it in.

Now I have a baby, and the sense of responsibility I suddenly felt for leaving her with a habitable planet is huge. So I have given up meat, and am working towards veganism. I won't be flying anymore. I am getting involved in environmental movements. I won't be having any more children!

I understand the comments about being a hypocrite, I really do. But I don't think making changes now should be dismissed because you used to do something. I don't think the fact that I used to take flights means that do longer doing so is pointless. People change and their priorities change.

emerencealwayshopeful · 09/07/2019 14:11

We live in Australia.

DH once flew to that end of the world for a wedding and was gone just under a week. He was travelling almost as many hours as he was on the ground.

3 years ago I came to the UK for a wedding, and decided that based on his experience I wasn't prepared to be there for less than a week. I also have 4 children and my youngest was 3 at the time. DH was able to vary work hours and start late for the days I was gone, the kinder managed to squeeze lastborn in for extra time (he was going 2.5 days and those weeks he did 4 days). My parents and sister managed after school. It was tricky to organise but I managed to find cover somehow and my children were looked after.

I strongly recommend being on the ground for a minimum of a week. And expect at least a week to recover from jet lag.

And even if your flight has wifi don't use it. Take advantage of being officially cut off from anything.

DexyMidnight · 09/07/2019 14:24

Dragonfruit I don't think you sound hypocritical, sounds like you practice what you preach!

I do bristle a bit at people with children telling people who fly that they are selfish and wicked. As I said upthread I don't have kids but I do fly so I wouldn't dream of criticising someone for having children.

Your children are your environmental indulgence and my flights to visit family and friends are mine.

Peace and love everyone.

DexyMidnight · 09/07/2019 14:25

(dragonfruit only first para of my post directed at you the rest is general musings!)

dragonfruitshoot · 09/07/2019 15:12

Thanks Dexy! I think it's so important not to blame and accuse, no one person is at fault for the mess we're in and we all knowingly do things that are bad for the environment. I hope the tide is turning in terms of awareness of our individual choices.

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 15:14

The hypocrisy argument is just a straw man thrown out there to try and divert from the real issues

Not worth responding to.

Unless you are Donald Trump, pretty much anyone capable or listening, reasoning and thinking logically gets it, even if they don't want to recognise it or admit to it openly

Someone I know recently said "don't tell me any more about what's going on (environmentally), otherwise that'll mean I will actually feel I have to do something about it"

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 15:26

This HAS to be what's going on here with the "yeah hun go for it, why not?" attitude

Surely

Are do we have a load of Trumps on here?

SushiForAmateurs · 09/07/2019 15:32

Not worth responding to.

Grin

I guess it is a bit inconvenient, when it's pointed out to you that actually you've made choices that negatively impact on the environment, too.

Not worth responding to? OK.

Just continue to harangue to OP instead, who's made her decision.

SushiForAmateurs · 09/07/2019 15:36

And I note zero in the way of apology to the OP for getting it wrong about being invited. Just massive offence at being accused of jealousy.

And now batting away the accusation of hypocrisy because it's inconvenient, and more fun to give the OP a hard time.

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 15:37

Perfect example, yet another straw man

I'm definitely NOT haranguing the OP about her decision

MsTSwift · 09/07/2019 15:37

Far from jealous - I would hate to do that trip have zero interest in going to Australia and would feel guilty which would ruin it for me.

I think a lot is going to change in the next few years definitely aware of a shift generally and in myself in the last few months. I totally buried my head in the sand on travel but I can’t do it anymore. Bleating about other bad things isn’t a helpful or adult response. We are what we do.

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 15:38

And another,

I definitely DIDN'T take "massive offence" at being accused of jealousy, just pointed out that that sort of argument is immature