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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to Australia for the weekend?!

920 replies

HufflepuffHarpy · 07/07/2019 07:16

My best friend (male if relevant) is getting married in the autumn. I'm in the UK (where we both grew up) he now lives in Australia.

I desperately want to go to the wedding.

It will cost £1000 for the flight plus accomodation etc over there which is in no way small money.

I have 4DC so would be asking my parents (very hands on babysitters, have had them for me and DH to go on holiday etc) to have the DC (all under 10) while DH is at work.

I would leave on a thursday AM flight and get back tuesday pm. SO literally fly in for the wedding, the day after and then back home.

Am I being totally crazy to consider this?! (Haven't actually asked DH yet!!)

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 09/07/2019 10:33

... See Yesterday 21:05 OP's post

FinallyHere · 09/07/2019 10:35

Go for it HufflepuffHarpy

I'm a little in love with your DH, what a great attitude

You have til October, but I would start the planning for what to take on paper right away. Excited. Enjoy.

SoyDora · 09/07/2019 10:43

Hang on, where has the OP said she’s not invited?

SoyDora · 09/07/2019 10:50

I was invited, and I double checked with my friend and his fiancée before I booked

At 21.05

BIWI · 09/07/2019 10:55

The willingness of some here to attribute negative motivations of the OP is really something else.

Happy to debate/listen to the environmental arguments, but lay off personal attacks on the OP.

SushiForAmateurs · 09/07/2019 10:58

We're talking about two old friends here.

Do you really think he's going to be calling up to tell OP he's engaged, and not inviting her to the wedding?

The gleeful tone of trying to catch the OP out is more than a bit embarrassing.

BIWI · 09/07/2019 10:59

... especially when they're not even bothering to read the thread properly!

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 11:10

Very early on she says "wedding is his parents, her parents, her brother and one other friend of the groom who is also flying from the UK"

All arranged then.

Then later "I've just been on the phone to my friend, he is over the moon and thinks I'm mad in equal measure....they are both really happy for me to come"

You don't officially invite someone, then think they're mad to come plus she's coming into it much later in the day than what she calls "the wedding"

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 11:11

If you had read the thread properly BIWI you'd see I have said all along the environmental issue is not an individual responsibility thing...

BIWI · 09/07/2019 11:13

The irony Grin

sonjadog · 09/07/2019 11:14

I enjoyed the Jason Donovan story.

Nearly47 · 09/07/2019 11:14

No. The flight is very long for such a short stay. Believe me it is exhausting specially if you are flying economy. I fly long haul every year ( 12 hours flight) and I am useless for anything for the first couple of days after arrival. I never go for less than two weeks for that reason. You will regret it.

Notcopingwellhere · 09/07/2019 11:36

I enjoyed the Jason Donovan story

Me too!

Notcopingwellhere · 09/07/2019 11:39

If you had read the thread properly BIWI you'd see I have said all along the environmental issue is not an individual responsibility thing...

@Catwaving @BIWI was not saying that the environmental criticisms were personal attacks, she was talking about the people who are now saying OP is a crazy stalker who is in love with her mate. Her whole point was that she agrees that the environmental challenges are fair comment.

Original poster
HufflepuffHarpy · 09/07/2019 11:44

to clarify - i do know the other UK friend, we were all at school together and in the same social group. after school i didn't keep in touch with this other friend, we were never as close and didn't have much in common (and frankly he's a bit annoying!!) This friend is combining the trip with a longer visit to see other friends around Oz.

The original message i received from my friend annoucing the date said 'obviously we'd love you to be here but completely understand the logistics and practicalities are crazy'.

I then asked my friend out right would he like me to come if i could. he said absolutely but its crazy money. i said forget the money for a moment, do you want me there? and he said yes.

The reason i listed who else was going was to show that this was a small wedding so i would be able to spend time with the groom, not a 200 people wedding where he really wouldn't see me on the day. not to show i wasn't invited!

My friend then called and we spoke about it, i made it clear that if he wanted it to be just his parents then to say and i wouldn't come. he said of course he would love me to come and actually a few other of their Oz friends are also now coming. max of 20 guests. He suggested that i come a few days before the wedding so we can catch up and head back soon after as the other guests are staying longer after to help him balance his time.

did that cover all the minutiae that people are trying to pick holes in? you will just have to trust me when i say that i have no alterior motive and that my friend (and his fiancee) would like me there.

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 09/07/2019 11:44

Wow some of the people posting on here are disgusting. You sound way too invested with no lives of your own, going back and rereading to try and make personal attacks on OP. Really sad.

Zebraaa · 09/07/2019 11:45

Don’t even feel you need to justify your decision to them Huffle.

Nearly47 · 09/07/2019 11:45

Just read the details of the weding and changed my mind. Thought it was a massive wedding where you wrote hardly see your friend. But as you said it is really only family and you are also close to his parents. Go for it. It will be great!!! Excited for your adventure!

Original poster
HufflepuffHarpy · 09/07/2019 11:45

also enjoyed the jason donavan story!

OP posts:
Catwaving · 09/07/2019 11:47

No irony

Here goes.....

First, the most important issue is the collective environmental responsibility we all have, and the totally distressing lack of care or understanding of the climate emergency displayed here on Mumsnet

Second is just an interesting observation on the individual situation, was she actually invited in the first place like the other UK friend was? (Yes, yes, I'm sure they're happy she's going) but it really doesn't look like she was

everythingthelighttouches · 09/07/2019 11:48

BIWI not at all. Everyone’s personal situations are different. I think finances play a part and the OP said she would “borrow” £1000 from the family’s £7000 “it’s all gone wrong” fund. They have four children under 10and are comfortable not at all “loaded” according to the OP. I just think it’s highly unusual given the circumstances she’s described. I don’t think most people would do it.

The groom is having a very small wedding in Australia and it doesn’t sound like the OP was invited at the outset. That’s just my reading of the description of the phone call where the OP called the bride and groom said they were happy she was coming but thought she was mad. I think the groom just expected her to attend the wedding celebrations in Uk.

Catwaving · 09/07/2019 11:53

crossed posts there with the OP

(I am over-invested, but I'm having the luxury of a lovely lazy day, a small part of which is a debate involving climate issues and a clearer understanding of the zeitgeist - always interesting and NOT personal)

myrtleWilson · 09/07/2019 11:55

Putting aside the environmental aspect for a moment...

What on earth as Huffle done to piss on so many posters chips - the digs about how "special" her relationship with best friend is, how "outside" realm of others experiences, how she's really secretly in love with the best friend and is presumably attending in the hope realisation hits at the altar, how she wasn't really invited, how she didn't know the other UK guest so yet more evidence that Huffle has created an alternate reality in her head.

everythingthelighttouches · 09/07/2019 11:56

hufflepuff cross posted. Just saw your latest post. I wasn’t trying to pick holes in your story, just for some reason, it read a certain way to me.

I guess you wanted to check on AiBU and tonnes of people would clearly do the same as you, I wasn’t one of them but I hope you have a wonderful time.

SoyDora · 09/07/2019 11:59

myrtleWilson I think it’s because she’s dared to have a close and long lasting friendship with gasp a member of the opposite sex, a supportive DH and parents, and money to fly to Australia on a whim. Appalling behaviour all round! Grin