Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want strangers to stay in my home

71 replies

freehotel · 06/07/2019 22:57

Urgh name changed ! Annoyed but probably really outing so

Basically we live in a holiday destination. Unfortunately we aren't on holiday we have to work.
My other half has announced that he has said it is ok for his friend and his girlfriend to come and stay for a week. I have met them on maybe one two occasions.
I have told him I'm not really happy about it for a couple of reasons. Mainly that we work pretty long hour

OP posts:
Original poster
freehotel · 06/07/2019 23:01

Don't know why it posted
Anyway
We work long hours and it's incredibly hot at the moment. I just want to come home and relax not look after other people.
We have a really small place so we would be on top of each other most of the time. I would be the one Doug the lions share of the cooking entertaining etc as he has to commute so not home as much as me.
Obviously I'm happy for family to come and visit it's not a blanket ban or anything. I just feel that they aren't coming to see us it's for a free holiday and I could do without it.
He thinks I'm being massively unreasonable

OP posts:
Hanab · 06/07/2019 23:03

Tell him to work from home & tend to his guests .. maybe his tune will change

Evilspiritgin · 06/07/2019 23:05

I presume it’s oh house as well?? I wouldn’t like anyone telling me my friends weren’t allowed to visit my house

ColdCottage · 06/07/2019 23:06

I'd not be too happy either. Maybe say they can come for the weekend but would need to move out come Monday morning as you just need your space for the working week.

If the house was big then I'd say leave it as is but if it's small then it's a bit much for people you don't know well.

Original poster
freehotel · 06/07/2019 23:08

I presume it’s oh house as well?? I wouldn’t like anyone telling me my friends weren’t allowed to visit my house

Yeah it is and I totally get that but I will be the one playing host. He will leave me with them a lot.
I have thought about maybe just going home to see family that week and leaving them to it

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 06/07/2019 23:09

can't he work from home and host them ? it would annoy me to be told this was happening as opposed to asking if i was okay with it.
visiting and staying for several days are totally different things.

Squigglesworth · 06/07/2019 23:09

YANBU. Sounds awful, honestly. I find it stressful enough playing hostess when our guests are people I know and like, but relative strangers? I'd try to get out of it, if I could, and if not, I'd have him make it clear that you're not catering for them. Maybe a couple of meals, but that's it. They can go out to eat or do some cooking on their own (and clean up after themselves). Even that is an imposition when you'd really rather just relax after work, but at least it's marginally more reasonable. And even if he has a longer commute, he can put himself out to help more while they visit, since it was his idea to invite them!

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2019 23:11

Do that, go away if you can. A weekend when you were both going to be there the whole then it would be fine but he has no right to invite people over when he’ll hardly be there and you don’t really know them. Cheeky bugger. He’s trying to play the bountiful host knowing he won’t be lifting a finger. No way.

mumsie8 · 06/07/2019 23:11

I would do that then. Go home while they visit. I bet he changes his tune when he realises he'll be doing it all.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2019 23:12

Neither of us would ever invite people to stay without discussing it with the other, least of all for a week. It’s both our home, that’s precisely the point.

Original poster
freehotel · 06/07/2019 23:12

can't he work from home and host them ? it would annoy me to be told this was happening as opposed to asking if i was okay with it.
visiting and staying for several days are totally different things.

Possibly I will put that to him when he is less "angry" A long weekend would be fine and like I said we have had other people who I know staying which isn't a problem. I know it comes with the territory of living in a nice place but the hosting is hard work when you are trying to live your normal life too. It's bad enough having to host my family or in laws but at least I know them 🙈

OP posts:
Yesicancancan · 06/07/2019 23:18

None of that tourist information service from me.
Not a chance.
Yes it’s a joint house, exactly the same as it’s a joint decision.
If this goes ahead, which it prob will. DO NOT pander or wait on them. They have free use your house! You want them to have a pleasant time without rave reviews attracting other visitors—cheeky fuckers for a free holiday—

Original poster
freehotel · 06/07/2019 23:19

Yeah me going home is probably the best option to be honest. Don't get me wrong if he was going to be here it would make it less awkward but a week is a long time ☹️

OP posts:
tonglong · 06/07/2019 23:20

Just do what you do normally and let your husband do the hosting whatever that may be. It only affects your daily routine if you allow it to.

Or are you expected to serve them breakfast, clean there room, cook them lunch, dinner and provide evening entertainment.

If you are out all day would the guests also be out all day and just return in the evening for a couple hours before bed.

BackforGood · 06/07/2019 23:27

Just let them know that, whereas they are welcome to use your house as a base / roof over their heads, you will actually be at work that week so won't be available to 'look after them' as such, and, if they hare happy to get up and sort out their own food etc after you've gone out to work, then that is fine, but you won't be around to act as a tour guide nor to provide meals etc.
Simples.

INeedAFlerken · 06/07/2019 23:28

I agree that his tune will likely change when you tell him you're off to visit your family that week and he can look after his guests.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2019 23:31

He has no right to be angry. He’s not the boss of you or your shared home. Don’t be bullied into going along with this because he’s acting like you have to do what he says.

AyBeeCee10 · 06/07/2019 23:32

Yanbu that's very inconsiderate of him and disrespectful actually. He confirmed with them without discussing it with you. And for a week!
Why should you have to go away to your family as well? And then leave strangers in your home in your personal space. I would be very angry

BogglesGoggles · 06/07/2019 23:33

You do realise that they don’t actually need to be hosted right? Just make sure he tells them to sort themselves out. It would be a bit miserable if I couldn’t have my guests over simply because DH wasn’t in the mood and vice versa. As it is we often have people come stay and we take care of our own guests/our guests sort themselves out as suitable.

Ginger1982 · 06/07/2019 23:36

@Evilspiritgin yeah but it's the fact he's just presenter this to her as a fait accompli target then saying 'hey, so I was thinking of saying to Bob and Jane they could come and stay, what do you think?' you know, like a normal respectful spouse might do?

LillithsFamiliar · 06/07/2019 23:39

I think if your DH wants to invite friends to stay then that's ok. It doesn't really matter that you don't know them and it also doesn't matter that they're coming because it's a holiday destination.
If your complaint had been that he invited them without discussion then I'd say you had a point but you seem focused on the fact you don't agree with the invite at all rather than the way he arranged it.

Original poster
freehotel · 06/07/2019 23:41

Yeah he's basically told them they can come. He says they need a cheap holiday ! Don't we all 🙄. He's quite angry with me that I don't want visitors. It's not just the cleaning and getting the room ready it's just feeling awkward in my own home with someone I don't know. The thing is if he backtracks and tells them they can't come then it's just me being awkward and a bitch isn't it

OP posts:
WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 06/07/2019 23:42

You and DH need to get on the same page and make a 'house guests and what we're willing to put up with' policy or this will just keep happening in various forms. We live in a place people like to visit and word got our about our spare room as well...I feel your pain, OP.

He should have asked whether you were ok with it so you could work out practicalities like whether they need entertaining/ feeding and if so who will do it.

Talk it out in terms of what will we offer various kinds of guests in general. Obviously parents and in laws require shared meals and outings but if it's just friends using you to save a hotel bill then I'd give them a key, point them to the bus stop and tell them to enjoy themselves, please don't make noise after 9:30pm as we go to bed etc.

Personally I much much much prefer guests who I don't know as well and who are staying with us to save on the hotel. They are way more likely to be out all the time and only come back to your place to sleep. They are generally also more grateful.

What I can't stand is the houseguest who just sits in your kitchen under your feet expecting tea and conversation while you're trying to go about your day to day life.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 06/07/2019 23:43

the lions share of the cooking entertaining etc as he has to commute so not home as much as me.

Balls to this...
set the scene before and when they arrive.
Before: “DH you need to make up the guest room”
When they arrive: Some tourist pamphlets, clear a shelf in the fridge and a shelf in a cupboard and say “here are your shelves for food” here’s the washing machine... “I work late but here are a set of keys” etc

In the evening go to gym class, go out with friends, sit in a bar - whatever.... let your DH get home first.

Don’t be a pussy about this.
Yes it’s his home and he can invite people but that doesn’t mean you are a cleaner / hostess/helper/tour guide. He gets to clean up for them and he gets to clean up after them.

Original poster
freehotel · 06/07/2019 23:43

It doesn't really matter that you don't know them and it also doesn't matter that they're coming because it's a holiday destination.

Really ? But this is my home as well

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread