To not want strangers to stay in my home

[freehotel]

Urgh name changed ! Annoyed but probably really outing so

Basically we live in a holiday destination. Unfortunately we aren't on holiday we have to work.
My other half has announced that he has said it is ok for his friend and his girlfriend to come and stay for a week. I have met them on maybe one two occasions.
I have told him I'm not really happy about it for a couple of reasons. Mainly that we work pretty long hour

Let him prepare the room and yes, I would head away and leave him to it for the duration. He might think a bit more before inviting anyone again. Maybe.

Basically at this point all you can do is:

• force him to do all the leg work which he will then discover is annoying
• set ground rules for the future

We live in a holiday destination. We imposed a 3 day max rule years ago when we realised folk took the piss - for everyone, close family included.

We now have no visitors = bliss!

It used to seriously do our heads in so we had to take action!

I think you're stuck with this lot unless you want to go stay somewhere else.

All you can do now is make sure DP knows it's his problem to deal with (sheets, towels, keys, cleaning before they arrive) and that they'll have to amuse themselves while DH is at work.

And then make an agreement on how to handle these things in the future.

You're a bit incompatible in terms of how much you like having friends to stay. DH and I are the same. I generally don't mind helping people save on hotels and am more likely to want to offer. DH likes his privacy and would rather we didn't. I always check with him and we have found a compromise level of house guests between us.

They are still a nuisance but I guess I see if as part of the social obligations you have if you want to maintain relationships etc.

I would definitely go stay with your family. If my dh invited people at an inconvenient for me time he would be doing 90% of the hosting. If you aren’t confident yours will, then stay with your family. Tell him over to you.

My XH never understood that for some people, the home is a sanctuary. It’s a place of respite where you can have privacy and recharge from the massive effort of interacting with the world. Can you tell that I am a massive introvert? Thankfully my now DH understands and shares my aversion to guests. They are something to be tolerated for close family, but hotels are also great ways to visit.

Set out clean but not necessarily ironed bed linen for them. Then suggest DH makes up the room, gives it a clean before they arrive and makes sure the bathroom is cleaned as well.

As others have said give them keys, leave milk and bread, cereals and let them get on. If they just want somewhere to sleep and laze about whilst you are out, they will be fine. Just make sure they know it is self-catering accommodation but for free.

I wouldn’t like anyone telling me my friends weren’t allowed to visit my house

Visit fine, stay for a week, that is a joint decision especially if the OP is going to have to do the bulk of the work.

Before we had kids we often had guests arriving as we live in a nice area of the country. Once we had kids, the guests got sick of being wakened at sparrowfart with the toddlers jumping on their beds and rarely came back.

I suppose I do feel a bit guilty for saying I didn't want them to come especially with him sulking about it. I do tend to be a people pleaser so saying no has gone a bit against the grain.
We have already had guests 3 times in the past couple of months. It's funny we didn't get many visitors when we lived in a mining village in the north of England 😉

You might like them - there is always that.

This thread has reminded me how much I am dreading people coming to stay quite soon.

Before we had kids we often had guests arriving as we live in a nice area of the country. Once we had kids, the guests got sick of being wakened at sparrowfart with the toddlers jumping on their beds and rarely came back.

Great idea I just need to find a small child to put people off 🤣 I have a cat if that helps 😉

He probably has no idea what hosting is like. Either stay with family for the week or find things to do in the evening so you don't get home until after your dh. Make sure he knows he has to clean and make up the room.

I'd make sure I was away. Fuck doing the lion's share. He invited him, he can host 'em. That'll teach him.

You might like them - there is always that.

There is nothing wrong with them from what I have seen for half an hour lol.
Having said that even having my best mate living in close proximity for a week can get annoying 😜

Doesn’t sound like your partner knows you very well at all. Have you been together long?

Totally get this OP. I hate having anyone to stay, even family, during the week when I'm working. I used to get this a lot with MIL coming to see us with DH out a lot and me having to cook and entertain after a long day at work.

Well, he's invited them now, so you can't very well tell them not to come. I would just tell them you're working, so they should just make themselves at home and do their own thing. Don't be mean about it, it's not their fault.

There is no way I'd be cleaning and organising a room for them. His guests - his problem. You're not his hotel staff.

Your husband is a total prick. Let him deal with all the bullshit and then make it clear this will NEVER happen again.

We live in a holiday destination. We imposed a 3 day max rule years ago when we realised folk took the piss - for everyone, close family included.
^
We now have no visitors = bliss!

It used to seriously do our heads in so we had to take action!^

I could have written that myself & totally agree putting a time limit of a few days mean people come to see us, not invite themselves for a free holiday. We also stopped feeding people as it was getting ridiculous, now I offer food if I feel like it & it's what you're given, no more instructions on what you want, which people have been cheeky enough, otherwise they get a key & pointed in the direction of a few good restaurants

Honestly, just give them a key & tell DH HE is hosting them as he invited them, I'm sure he won't be so quick to offer next time round

Doesn’t sound like your partner knows you very well at all. Have you been together long?

Hmmm I can't even use that excuse we have know each other for 30 years 🤣. However we have only lived here for 2. Like I said no one wanted to visit us before apart from close family 😆

Well, he's invited them now, so you can't very well tell them not to come. I would just tell them you're working, so they should just make themselves at home and do their own thing. Don't be mean about it, it's not their fault.

I know ! Hasn't stoped me having a cheeky look at flights that week though 😉

Look, free, you have a choice here. The only way he's going to get it is if you leave him to it. Seriously! Nothing 'cheeky' about it, especially the way he threw his teddies out his pram. He expects you to do all the donkey work whilst he kicks back and takes the accolades. You enable this, and he'll invite everyone. It's like the equivalent of an Edwardian landlord of a stately home, why not just invite guests when you're not lifting a finger to do any of the drudge work? You make plans to leave. Tell him a week or so before, the day before, the day of, whatever. Watch that scene from that movie The Break Up where Jennifer Aniston's character leaves it to her ex to do all the work for games night and of course, he looks like a twat because he did FA. Find your spine in there.